Any tips?
So another event has taken place now. My DH would like my opinion on what to do and to be honest I'm not sure how to word this one. SS', BM has lost custody of the child she had living with her because the poor kid tested positive for meth (yes I know wtf). Well being as BM is pregnant with another one I'm sure you can guess that poor baby is going to test positive as well. But anyway to point here. CPS said she is considered a danger to her child. Now they haven't called my husband yet but they may not because she isn't the CP which is very concerning. While she isn't coming around here recently I'm thinking maybe we should make a point to make that a more permanent situation. I know I said previously I didn't want to take her spot or anything but I can't in good conscience let a child go to an environment where a 4 year just tested positive for meth. Especially knowing that the amount was equal to a habitual user. Then at the same time I realize that my position here may not mean anything as the SM. But other than telling my DH to go get a restraining order I don't know what to do. She does have a restraining order against her for the other child so it would seem logical to get one for other children around her right?
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I'm slightly confused too!
I'm slightly confused too!
So BM was doing Meth with her 4 year old??? 4 year old got removed by CPS, but BM has a son with your DH who lives with DH?
I'm really curious as to why your DH was not contacted by the caseworker?? BM1 has been hotlined numerous times and each and every time the caseworker contacted DH because he was the father of one of BM1s kids. Before going the restraining order route, I would have your DH contact CPS and talk with caseworker.
He tried but they said they
He tried but they said they couldn't speak to him at this time. It possible that charges are pending in the case because she is pregnant and using so our lawyer said that maybe the reason why they won't speak to him. And yes BM was doing meth with the 4year old. I don't even know how to respond to that.
That just doesn't sound
That just doesn't sound right. If he is the kids father and there is an open, FOUNDED case against the mother, then why would they say they can't speak to him??? I'd be calling a supervisor!
He is calling back now and
He is calling back now and asking for a supervisor. He didn't ask when he called.
To keep her away in the
To keep her away in the meantime while he pursues the paperwork. Apparently in order to terminate rights I have to adopt which I'm not opposed to but we have to do the home study before its final. So the restraining order would be an aid until it's over with.
He tried they said they
He tried they said they couldn't speak with him at this time.
Oh trust me we are confused
Oh trust me we are confused as well.
I'm assuming BM has
I'm assuming BM has visitation which is why OP is tossing around restraining order... so how does BM being deemed unfit not involve the SS?
Every time that BM1 was hotlined... she was hotlined for her younger 4 girls that she had with other baby daddies but even so, because SD18 was BMs child and also DH's, CPS contacted DH.. it was always just a quick phone interview.. but still.
I don't think CPS cares about
I don't think CPS cares about your SS, they're focused on the kids that are actually in the home with her, and I'm pretty sure the information they have is private information and that it would be against the law to share it with you. Do you really need a restraining order? Doesn't DH already have custody? I really think a restraining order is overkill, unless you all are truly worried she might pick the kid up from school and take him. I would just withhold visitation, I don't think she's going to be too worried about visiting anyway, she's probably more worried about how she's going to get out of the mess she's currently in. When you get the court records then your DH and his lawyer can decide what to do with the information.
I don't think it would be
I don't think it would be overkill. She let a 4 year old ingest meth. I think that would actually be kind rather than to just shut the door in her face or even forced to send ss for the summer and him be subjected to the same thing. Although, I would have to agree she probably is too worried to come around because if they do decide to press charges they will likely pick her up on the way to our place like they did last time.
I think that your DH would
I think that your DH would have to file an Emergency Custody order and ask for termination of BM's rights (and maybe bargain down to supervised visits only).
I wouldn't even fucking give
I wouldn't even fucking give her supervised visits. This pisses me off royally. One of my and DH's friends is a regional manager for our county's CPS, and he does mostly infant placement. The things he tells us about mothers who give birth to children who are addicted sickens us (I'm surprised he's even been able to stay in his job especially since he's really nice and very caring--I would have gone crazy.)
At one point we had been asking him about being a foster parent, and he implored us to go into being fosters for infants because that's where they are lacking the most right now. They want to get a newborn into the arms of a primary caretaker as fast as possible, because newborns who don't develop all sort of attachment issues.
Trust me if it was up to me I
Trust me if it was up to me I would stop any visits. Right now she hasn't been coming around and blocked little mans number we got him so they could talk and text. She blocked our numbers as well. But last time she came she came on a Saturday morning and called ss from a private number and told him to come outside. So we don't know how to approach this right now. Obviously we don't and won't tell him about this but he's been asking questions about where his mom is and we don't have an answer for him. And we know the questions will get more frequent as time goes on. And if we attempt to remove her rights we will have some explaining to do. It's just hard I can't fathom this situation at all. I know I won't be able to be around her for while so I hope she doesn't come to pick him up on Monday for his birthday. She is only supposed to have him for two hours but I don't think I will let him out the door. Or we will be celebrating far away from home and leave our phones behind.
I wouldn't want supervised
I wouldn't want supervised either. But you never know when you are going to get a BM-lover for a judge. Our lawyer always told us to ask for more than we wanted so we could "compromise" at the minimum we could live with.
Who the eff would think in any realm that it would be good/funny or whatever to give meth to a FOUR YEAR OLD??
I honestly can't answer that
I honestly can't answer that question. I would have hoped nobody. The good news for us is we are going back to the same judge who has been party to this whole case my DH got everything he asked for last time and we have the requirements for our state to terminate rights. While it's true things won't go completely the way we are hoping we are keeping our fingers crossed and thinking of other solutions that could be livable for now.
What Mistep said. File for an
What Mistep said. File for an emergency custody order. There is no need for a restraining order. He needs to file to terminate her visitation. Then he needs to file for full custody w/either no or supervised visitation.