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Paying for BM's Sins

kim1960's picture

Submitted by kim1960 on Sat, 04/21/2007 - 4:41pm

Well we got BM's financial info in the mail today from Fiancee's attorney. After going over and doing a little checking, fiancee just realized that she set up a PO Box for her mail 8 months before there was even any talk of separating and that she set up a bank account then to. Obviously she planned this long before he had any idea that she was unhappy in the marriage. I think it is sinking in now that she totally played him from the beginning of the relationship. The problem I am having is that now he is totally bummed out and saying he can't trust anyone. Things are quite tense between us, how does he think a statement like that makes me feel? We are suppose to be getting married July 7th. I don't want to marry someone who doesn't trust me. He said to just give him time to get over it but quite frankly why should he not trust me over something she has done? I am so sick of this woman having so much affect on my life. She does all the time. And now with the court date this Tuesday, I feel like I am going to be on pins and needles with him until at least that is over. Between the trust thing now and the court date I am at the end of my rope. Sometimes I feel like I am just done.............

Comments

septembers_child's picture

Submitted by septembers_child on Sat, 04/21/2007 - 4:48pm

How long have they been divorced? I ask because it sounds like he is moving into another marriage before he has dealt with and processed the last one emotionally..And if that's the case then for you two to get married now, is just setting your marriage up for failure...

HOnestly, i think that what he is saying and experiancing is pretty normal. But it is also a sign that he hasn't recovered from the first marriage and divorce..Try not to take what he is saying personally. But I would sit down with him and discuss how he is feeling, check in with him to see where he is at emotionally, and tell him how his comments is making you feel..Perhaps, postponing your marriage, for now, is something that could turn out best for both of you down the road.

laughterandtears's picture

Submitted by laughterandtears on Sat, 04/21/2007 - 4:58pm

It really does sound like he's still "emotionally married" to her. Divorce is never easy for anyone and he is probably feeling more of an idiot because he did not see the signs when they first arose.

I, too, would sit him down and lay all my cards on the table, let him know you understand that he feels betrayed, but that your name happens to A and her name happens to be B and A didn't do it to him, B did. I always use to tell my DH that I did not give a damn what his problems were with HER, I was not not HER. But the more my DH tells me to leave him alone and he needs space, I ignore him and I mean completely, until he realizes that's what I am doing then I blast him when he whines about it, afterall, I'm just giving him what he wants.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.

spitfire99's picture

Submitted by spitfire99 on Sat, 04/21/2007 - 8:01pm

He really needs to close one door before he opens another. I would leave him alone for a week or so, if he doesn't seem to come around. I would sit him down like mnlloyd says & lay your cards on the table. The chance you take is that he might just say, "I can't get married right now"...I know that hurts but you know what, it's better to hear it now, then have a miserable marriage. I would seriously considering Plan B, postponing the marriage. Space is what he needs to "move on" emotionally. If he doesn't, there will be hell to pay down the road & unfortunately, you will be picking up that bill!!
I'm sorry for what you are going through and I wish you luck, keep us posted.