DO JUDGES REALLY CARE IF AGREEMENT IS VIOLATED?
Can anyone share their experience with me if they have taken BM back to court for violations of the Joint Parenting Agreement. We have been told that they are not really worth the paper they are written on. That after you spend $$$ taking her to court over it the judge generally slaps her hand and tells her not to do it again. We have a long list of violations including but not limited to: changing daycares with out consulting BF, not notifying BF of serious illness and dr. appointments, not informing him of surgery scheduled for the child, taking child out of state for longer then the one week period as stated in the agreement, refusing to give BF address and phone number where they will be when she took him out of state, scheduling appointments for child during BF Wednesday night visitations, neglecting to let him know that she signed him up for basketball therefore we didn't get to see any of his games, excessively questioning the child when he returns home after visitation (even the counselor she took him to because he was so traumatized about the changes in his father's household etc. meaning me moving in) said in her notes, less questioning of child after returning home, telling child when BF doesn't answer the phone that "I don't know why daddy doesn't want to talk to you" (we have that one saved on the cell phone, BF was using the bathroom for Gods sake, telling child that daddy is mean to her. Will we really end up spending a couple of thousand just for the judge to say, Don't do it again?!
- kim1960's blog
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this is what i went through
with my dh. bm did the same crap despite the fact it was court ordered otherwise. We were advised by our lawyer that you have every right to place a contempt charge against the bm, and because we were considering that one day fighting for physical custody might be in our future plans the lawyer said showing records of contempt charge over a period of time would work for us in the event of us trying to get custody. What these women are doing is illegal and yes they should be repremanded for it.
BUT experience showed us otherwise. We filed the contempt charge based on denial of visitation, failure to notify on medical issues, and involving the chld in adult situations. The secretary behind the desk who registered our complaint told us...good for you, and bad on her, judges do not like woman like this and she will be told.
Day in Court....sat in courthouse for six hours waiting for our time in front of the judge. Lawyer that day (we used duty counsel) told us it was too bad we got that day because the "judge that day was a criminal judge just filling in and probably wouldn't care" and that unless we were going to demand an order allowing the police to pick up our son ( afour year) the next time bm refused visit, or a replacement weekend for the one missed (we missed easter...how the fuck do your replace that?) the judge would probably look at us as the ones wasting the courts time!!! So to end our day..we found out two things 1. bm was planning to go before the judge and request a new day to be judged as "her lawyer was unable to represent her that day" 2. After 6hrs waiting, we were expected to wait 2more hours, and then be given another date to go because the judge was so busy with another case!! Needless to say, we left and did not go back for any further contempt charges, or anything else to do with the family court system. I am sorry I could not give you something better here, I have heard it works out for some people, but there is alot of time and effort for something which is your right just not always what you get.
I have run into same issue....
It makes me ill to see that others have experienced the same. I was hoping we were just extremely unluckey or before judges lacking concern....
Yes, our BM has violated the Joint Parenting Plan in the same exact ways yours has Kim, and the end result? The courts do not care.
Why they even have provisions and stipulations included in Parenting Plans in beyond me because they are nearly impossible to enforce. It seems like a big money making scheme derived by some unethical attorneys?
Whatever it is, it is WRONG. Let me know if you have any ideas.... isn't there something that can be done?
Well...
we travel three hours there and three hours back to get my step son and the judge flat out told us that if the mother was missing in actoin when we got there, we could file a report on her. However; ew later found out all that ocnsists of is going to court, and the judge saying "Do not let it happen again" And then ew get the 40 dollar court cost fee.
What I found interesting is...
In our case, it did matter. The judge reamed SS's BM mighty good for her contempt and scared her to pieces- had her crying. We had some modifications done to our plan due to it that we feel were pretty fair. I think it depends on how you 'present' your case, what evidence you have, and of course a smart attorney who actually gives a damn.
The other thing that we found is if you pitch your case strong for the benefit of the child, with real evidence on how it benefits the child and throw out the blame game bs to the judge, you have a better chance. You have to play a psychological game half the time. The other thing is if you we made reasonable requests, the judge saw that we were being reasonable and fair. But also know that it took us years to get to this point too. Everytime we went to court, we got a little something extra, while BM got something taken. We were moving closer and closer to 50/50, as we are today. Child support kept getting dropped more too, which she just loathed.
However, we are starting a whole new process with my SD's BM, so time will tell if it goes as 'well' as the first round...
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...