Unseasonable Clothing
I really feel bad for my skids sometimes. Their Mom sends them for visitation in the cold and snow without winter coats, hats, mittens or boots. In the summer they will come in long sleeves and long pants. Their comfort just doesn't seem to be a priority. We have full sets of clothing for them here but I just can't imagine as a Mom sending my kids out without appropriate clothing. Last year my schild didn't even have snow pants at her house and had to sit and watch the other kids play in the snow during recess who had proper winter gear while she was on the sidelines. Needless to say we bought her snowpants to take home. Maybe not fair but we will not let the child suffer because the Mom does not do for the kids. They say they have winter coat/boots but are not 'allowed' to wear them here. It doesn't seem to be a money issue because their Mom always has plenty for a new tatt or piercing (not that I don't think parents should do for themselves but their kids basic needs should come first). Anyone relate?
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What about... We purchase a
What about... We purchase a coat, stepkid wears it to BM's, but stepkid still comes to our house without a coat. We buy another coat, ditto. Then BM claims she doesn't have any coats we bought at her house. Aargh!
Oh yes! When we had EOW
Oh yes! When we had EOW visitation the skids used to come over in rags. BM never did laundry so their clothes were NEVER clean. Yet, she had the $$$$ to go to Mexico, the Bahamas, etc. And she didn't even take the kids on those trips!
I can relate. When SS was
I can relate. When SS was young, BM would send him to our house for the weekend with 1 pair of pajama pants, 3 dirty shirts, 1 pair of underwear and 5 pair of socks. We would buy him new clothes, never to be seen again. We finally gave SS a list when he was 5 and asked him to start packing his own bag for weekend visits.
TheFrizz NEVER buys clothes
TheFrizz NEVER buys clothes for SD. She wears her stuff til it's worn thru with holes or too small. We had to buy her a winter coat, we had to buy winter boots,gloves,hat,and everything else she has WE BOUGHT bc her mother just downright WILL NOT shop for this child. She sends her to my house in RAGS and I am NOT embellishing even a bit. Her pajamas are from when she was EIGHT YEARS OLD...She's ELEVEN.
Her mother gets thousands of dollars a month in CS and alimony, we pay her mortgage and she STILL can't get decent clothes and shoes for her kid.
I can't even keep the stuff we buy at our house because if I do, who is it hurting??? SD. She'll still have to go to school in the worn out rags her mother makes her wear and shoes that are so old it's sickening. So I have started just sending the stuff home with her bc I really have no other course of action that won't hurt the child too. TheFrizz isn't the one who will suffer if SD doesn't have her hat n gloves that's for sure.
HATE that woman right now. Sorry the clothes thing just gets to me.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
Yup! Last time we had SS
Yup! Last time we had SS (cold, wet & windy weather) he turned up with no jumpers, sweaters or even a coat! We ended up having to put him in a jumper & denim jacket of mine, then we bought him a new sweatshirt to keep at ours & popped back round BMs to get his coat.
He also regularly turns up without pj's, without enough underwear only 1 pair of trousers (which are normally too short), oh and when we bought him a new pair of trainers she sent them into school for his PE kit & still lets him go around in his old ones which have holes in them!
She has 'no money' whenever he needs something, but can go to concerts, get taxi's when it's raining, buy herself new clothes etc.
Yes, parents shouldn't put all their wants & needs to one side, but the basics for everyone need to get sorted before anyone has a treat IMO.
I told DH he should start
I told DH he should start deducting these purchases from her CS but he won't do it. Then I told him I was gonna start purchasing these items with MY bank account,keeping a log of what state of dress sd is in when she comes and then send a DETAILED invoice to BM once every few months...not that i would get anything out of her but at least she would know I've got a record of it and I'm keeping track. Maybe that would scare her into stepping up instead of being such a selfish little ball of puke.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
i can def relate. we just
i can def relate. we just ended up buyin all of our own clothes that stay at our house, whatever they come over in is what they go home in.
I just can't see doing that
I just can't see doing that to a child anymore. As much of a pain SD is and as greedy and snobby she is, she doesn't deserve for me to just snatch clothes off her back and send her home in the rags her mom sends her in. The clothes I buy for her aren't mine, I can't wear them and neither can anyone in our house...so what good does it do to keep them from the child until they return?
I used to keep them until my mother gave me a tongue lashing over it asking me to see that if SD is wearing rags and awful shoes to our house and for holidays, she is likely wearing that to school as well. It's just not fair to her and she shouldn't be punished just because her mother is a total jackass.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
My fiancee actually came up
My fiancee actually came up with the same idea. We bought our own set of clothes and my ex can have her set. When I have my son for a long period of time we'll change him out of his clothes and store them by the door. When it's time for him to go back, we change him back into his mother's clothes.
My ex isn't doing the ragged clothing thing but she is having him wear clothes that are way too large or too small. We tried sending clothes that were better for him but she's not exactly reasonable. And she doesn't like that we buy used clothes anyway. So rather than throwing money (that we don't have) at the problem and hope that she actually dresses him more appropriately, we just keep it separate. It's like talking to a wall when I try to tell her his shoes are too small or his clothes are too big.
Thanks for the responses.
Thanks for the responses. Sounds like this is a common theme. We don't mind buying things for the kids here. I am a very good shopper and can buy very nice looking things for little or even find just like new or tags still on things at a rummage sale for them. It just seems so wasteful to buy winter gear just for transferring back and forth but we do it because it is for the kids and they really do have no choice in the matter. We like to keep things as peaceful as possible but it has gotten to the point that on behalf of the kids dh has had to inform her from time to time that they will be photographed in what they came in (tennis shoes/windbreaker in a blizard) and if the neglect continues we will need to forward that info to the court to see if a change in custody is warranted. This will make her shape up for awhile but it seems like never permanently. I just think the way I send the kids out the door is not only for them but a reflection on me and I would be embarrassed to not even do the basic of dressing my kids properly for the weather.
Oh lord If I didn't know any
Oh lord If I didn't know any better I would have thought I wrote the original post myself.
Last winter my step kids come with spring jackets...nylon jackets with no lining, capris pants ( peddle pushers as they are known ) and t-shirts...thats how they ARRIVED in NOVEMBER.
I asked my skids " do you guys have any other clothing" and my step daughter replies "no". So guess who goes shopping.
I buy them a winter coat , mits scarf all that not to mention tooth brushes because ditch pig never packs that stuff for them. I asked my skids " when was the last time you guys actually brushed your teeth" .....she replies " last week". I damn near shit myself. Lousy bitch of a mother.But she finds the money to go chase guys and party and buy brand new clothes for herself. I'd love to wrap her new clothes around her neck and pull tightly.
" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore
We had this situation once.
We had this situation once. BM insisted that we provide clothing at our house. I refused since we only saw them EOW and my husband pays ample CS and extras for the kids when they ask him for something.
She decided to send them to our house for a week for winter break without any clothing. I MADE my husband take them back to her. She wasn't home. She was working as a ticket person or something at the movie theater on her nights without the kids so she could get her and the kids in free when she wanted. He took them to her there and left them with her.
She never did that again. She always provided proper clothing for them moving forward.
RIGHT ON. My kind of people.
RIGHT ON. My kind of people. Get 'em where it hurts.
" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore