I have been with my fiance for about 2 1/2 yrs now and friends with him for about 6. He has a 3 yr old daughter that I love very much but I am getting to where I can not stand her. This makes me feel horrible because I know that I love her so much and the reasons why I cant stand her are not her fault, but the fault of her Bio Mom, my fiance, and his mom.

I feel the need to back track and give a little history here to better explain my situation. Like I said before I have known my fiance for about 6 yrs now so I was around him when he was with Bio Mom. Im going to go ahead and throw this out there and get it out of the way. Bio Mom is crazy. When they were together she threatened to kill herself if he left her, actually did cut her wrists, lied about a miscarriage, and lied about having cancer all to get him to stay. As a result in all of this she ended up really becoming pregnant. However she found out that she was pregnant after my fiance left her for what he thought was for good. They stayed split up throughout her pregnancy. Around 28 weeks pregnant Bio Mom took a convient fall down some stairs which caused them to have to take the baby early. SD spent nearly 3 mo in NICU and almost didnt make it. After she was born my fiance and crazy got back together to try to work it out for SD. However history repeats itself and it didnt work. Well after they split him and I started talking and eventually crazy decided that she was not going to let us see SD because if he wasnt going to be with her then he didnt deserve to be in his daughters life. We went 4 mo after SD came home from the hospital without seeing her before the court system made crazy let us have visitation. After SDs 1st birthday crazy decided that she was going to keep her from us again. This time it was because she was "sick", she would constantly tell us that SD was going to the dr and that she had RSV but when we would show up at her Drs office when she was supposed to have an appt they would tell us that they had not seen her in months and when we got her medical records they all said she was fine. Then she placed a restraining order on my fiance because he was "stalking her" because he was calling her to find out when he could see his daughter, then she called child services on us, and then there was no contact at all. FINALLY after another 4 mo of this court found her guilty of contempt and we got our visitation back. By this time SD was 1 1/2yrs, walking, talking, and all kinds of other things that we missed out on. Then the tables suddenly turned. SD reached terrible twos and crazy and her hells angel boyfriend couldnt handle having a kid around that they actually had to pay attention to so she started dumping her on us every weekend or just not showing up to pick her up for days. We already have a court ordered agreement where we have SD 4days a week and we still pay her child support, not to mention crazy doesnt work, collects welfare, and SSI on SD and there is nothing wrong with her! This went on up until recently when crazy and her biker bf split up but now she is pulling the crap of threatening kill herself again, pulled Im pregnant, had a "miscarriage" but biker bf wasnt stupid enough to fall for it like my fiance did...any how there is some back ground on the situation now back to what I originally started talking about.

SD is now 3, she is not potty trained, has no concept of yes or no, refuses to listen, she has no respect for other peoples things, she will make herself throw up if she doesnt want to eat, and when punished actually laughs. She is so far behind when it comes to things that she should know its not even funny but no one other than me gives a damn. When I try to correct her or if I tell her dad that she needs to learn some form of structure and respect and that she is behind I am told that I am being a bitch, that she is just a baby, or that she was premature. I am a nurse, I know she is not a baby, she is now a kid, the fact that she was premature no longer has an affect on her developement and if it does she needs some kind of therapy to help her, but none of this matters to him. Him and his mom are so scared that crazy is going to turn SD against us that they are afraid to punish her for fear that she wont like them. They cant seem to realize that they are hurting her for their own personal gain. Also my fiances mom refuses to leave crazy out of our lives. She thinks that crazy and my fiance should do things together with SD. They couldnt get along while they were together! She constantly brings her up and every family gathering revolves around crazy. It has been 3 yrs GET OVER IT!!
My stomach is in knots every time we get her because I know it is going to be one huge battle to try to get her to mind and develope the way that she should. Im starting to resent her because of all the problems that are caused because of her. I know its not fair because she is a child. I am ready to have another child but my fiance doesnt want to yet because he doesnt want SD to feel jealous or left out. How is that fair to me?!? I am paying for all of the mistakes that my fiance made and I fear that my future children will too. SD is already so unruly and I know as she gets older that it is only going to get worse. Im at my wits end and I dont know what to do. Kudos if you made it this far.