of all that is wrong in my life. I am a biomom as well and trust me, I get along with my ex-husband and have gotten along with his girlfriends in the past. Life can be peaceful.

I would not like this woman regardless. If I worked with her, if she was my brother's girlfriend, if she was a mutual friend's friend, if she were my taxi cab driver, if she did my nails or hair, etc, etc, I know I wouldn't like her. I didn't like her when I knew her before I even thought of dating my husband. Like I stated before she is a "manifestation of everything I hate in a person".

It's not because she's my husband's ex-wife or my skids' mother, it's because she is a horrible person.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

but in my case DH is more of the problem than BM. Oh yeah she has her issues, as do I . But I think that her I and I both have to deal with Dh' excessive ego. He takes on all the credit but none of the blame. He is a passive parent that undoes a whole lot.. he is Mr. Nice guy that makes excuses for the kids and doesn't make them perform.

I am in counseling and at times I think I no longer need to go and then wham reality check.. I could be a lifer!!! My therapist uses a whole life approach.. mind, body, and spirit.. so I may be with her for a looong time.

every time it is my turn in the couch of the therapist, I spend the afternoon saying, I dont need this crap... then after an hour with her, me crying, opening up conversations I didnt even know were manifesting... I feel so much better.

As for the BM issue. I am a BM and a custodial SM. I also have to deal with a SM for my biodaughter and BM for my stepdaughter (are you confused yet??) Basically I see it from all angles. And I think that the SM's here that blame crap on the BM can probably rightfully do so in some cases. The BM in my case IS the ROOT OF ALL EVIL (and BM.. if you are reading this, PLEASE let your attorney print it and try it out in court!!!). She is the one who refuses to step in between her parents doing their dirty stuff that we all are aware of and her daughter's safety. She is the one who cannot stay out of trouble and keeps ending up strung out and incarcerated. So when SD is lashing out, destoying our home, being hateful to me, getting in trouble at school... where does it all come from??? Yup, BM! So I can say that she is my main source. But then I have absolutely nothing bad to say about my daughter's SM, nor her about me. We get along great. So, it boils down to each individual situation. And since we are here to vent, then so do it. Blame the BM for everything if it makes you feel better. I for one have absolutely no problem with that!!!

PS- At the rate I'm going, I will be there right along with you on the life track

Kathleen, I think you are lovely so please don't get me wrong, I am not attacking you or disagreeing with you but I do want to say that I really don't see the point in a post thread like this?? Of course when you come here you are going to attack the BM and scream BITCH BITCH BITCH..reason?? Because you can and no one will atack you for it, at home there are kids and ex's and all sorts of drama to contend with if you say anything.

Not long ago someone wrote a thread titled 'why are women always the victim' she says: 'I'm not trying to upset anyone but why??'...well why even ask? Because we are hurting, because we get stood on, because, because??? I don't know, because it's a place to vent, not to be judged and scrutinised.. I know you were asking yourself this question as much as everyone else but I am sure we don't mean or even sometimes believe everything we vent, but at the end of the day it makes us feel better and thats what the wonderful step talk is all about.

Please don't take offense to anything I have said, I love your posts and I am not angry or venting at you, I just wanted you to see my way of thinking on the whole generalising things here...Hugs. Did I make sense..LOL.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

Well, I've been dealing with the ex for 11 years. It always seemed that the kids were held as a carrot in front of us, BM holding the stick and string it was tied to telling us to be good or we can't have the carrot. So we were. And it had it's benefits. We had the kids whenever we wanted, could take them where we wanted. But the minute we tried to say no to something, or couldn't pay for something, or couldn't take them for the weekend because we were both working 12 hour C-shifts, with only 24 hours off the entire weekend (to try to catch some sleep), the carrot was ripped away. My brother has an excellent analogy that describes her to a tee "She weilds her children as a sword and sheild before her." And I believe it was true. She used them to get what she thought she deserved and to get what she wanted, not only from us but from everyone around her.

OK - so I may have to go out on a limb here and say (much to my chagrin) that she is a good mom. Even though I do not agree with her parenting skills, she loves her children and was/is involved with their activities. However, I think that people looking in from the outside can see that there are alterior motives in a lot of the things she does. The kind of thing where she will move heaven and earth for one of the kids if people are watching, but if no one is, then it can wait until tomorrow.

I don't like the things that I see/hear of her doing. The only times (and there have been three) that my husband has raised his voice to me have been as a result of her twisting something that I've said in casual conversation. Then when she decides to calm down (about 30 minutes later because she realized, oh wait, if I don't let the kids go over there, I'M going to have them and there goes my party weekend), it's "Oh, I'm so sorry it really has nothing to do with you, I was upset." OK, so that gives you the right to call and speak to us anyway you choose? That gives you the right to treat me like a piece of crap, and tell hubby what a terrible father and person he is because we can't do what you tell us to? That gives you the right to intimidate, lie, and manipulate everyone around you - all because you were upset??? But now that it's inconvienent for you to have the kids, everything is hunky dorey and they can come over? I will never understand her, and don't think that I want to.

My husband does. He knows what she'll do when she'll do it, and how she'll do it. He's always right. The periods of peace and quiet are getting longer and longer now. It's heaven. I know I'm not perfect, and my hubby isn't perfect, but neither is she. She wants to believe that she is supermom, and that's fine. Just don't try to lay the crap on us.

I complain about her, yes. But, she is the type of person that I wouldn't choose to be friends with. She can be nice, and funny, and would give you the shirt off her back. But don't cross her or she'll rip that shirt off and throw you down on the subway tracks and walk away like you never existed, faster then you can say "sorry." (She has done this to several people, and it wasn't pretty) Then there is the lying, manipulation, guilt, and all of the other traits that I don't like people to exhibit. There are conditions for everything - even her love. That's not the kind of person I would want voluntarily in my life. But, I have no choice and use this site as an outlet because, when I hold that stuff in, it really tears me up. It consumes me and I find myself wishing that a bridge abutment would throw itself in front of her. That's not healthy. (but it is fun to think about :evil: ) I like coming here and reading other posts about BMs and that helps to put the woman that I deal with in perspective. She could be a LOT worse. I don't blame EVERYTHING on her, just most of it.

seriously. one time when we pulled up to our dropoff point, all the programmed radio stations in my car got scrambled. lol.
i agree with most of you in that my drama is bb related. i have always tried to be kind to bb and i have ALWAYS loved sd openly and completely, but i guess this is like shooting myself in the foot with bb. she HATES that i am this way, when in essence if i were a bitch, she would hate that as well. i cannot make bb happy and i am done trying. she is the most evil person i have ever met and even though i know she is a victim of her childhood, i have no sympathy for someone who can't take the hint after nearly 10 years. if i didn't have this site to vent and your girls to listen and cheer me up, i think i would be fitted with a snug white jacket by now...

thank you all!
down with satan!!!!!

always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.

Okay so Im new to this site,, but I will say this...I came here for two weeks before I posted myself..For years I have been confiding into friends and family,, those who know me well...talked to them about each situation and my feelings.. Sometimes, I would fell like they really didnt know my place or I was overwhelming them because my life isnt great. A blended family is HARD..its the hardest thing I have ever done.. and if you arent in that position, how can you truly offer good advice. And sometims friends and family will tell you what you want to hear.

After spending time here,, I felt a connection to alot of the post. I even smiled... For once I wasnt alone...Now I know my SD's BM isnt around much due to her bipolar but when she is she calls at 6:00 in the morning, alot of random things. But my mother-n-law is terrible..she is as bad as most BM.. But i can see its not always about the BM,, it is about the Skids, our DH and daily drama that brings each of us here.

Last week, I was ready for counseling,,,This site alone has helped me..Im not saying I dont need counseling or my family but me personally as a BM and SM,, I needed this, I need to vent to others that feel and expereince my pain...I get along fine with my EX and we discuss all matters with our daughter. My DH accepts that fine...But women are different.I think.

First, I definitely think you hear more BM bashing here because this IS where stepparents come to vent. I think most of us, uh, "grown ups" who post here would agree that there are many sides and facets to step-life and sometimes it's a clash of personalities and beliefs. Sometimes the BM actually IS a bitch. Sometimes, so am I. Sometimes neither side handles a situation very well. A lot of the problems we've had I definitely blame my husband for, because sometimes his way of dealing with BM makes things worse. And of course, my mere existence in the early years was apparently "to blame" for many of BM's attacks on DH. I think it is what is is and the people involved - BM, DH, SF, SM - are who they are.

~ Anne ~

http://www.geocities.com/campaign4madison/C4M.html
Please join the Campaign to Save Madison!