Hi all! Today is my first post. I have been a lurker for a long time and may have commented on a few blogs in the past, but my situation came to a boiling point last night and I am in desperate need of your brutally honest opinions.

A little background: I am a BM to a 9 year old DD. My DH and I have been married for a year and are expecting our first child together within the next two months. I am also SM to SS - 11 and SD - 8. When my DH and I met, he was living with his parents temporarily. When he and the BM seperated and filed for divorce, she remained in the home with the kids and he moved in with his parents to save money. When my EXH and I seperated I am the one who left since he refused to and my DD and I moved into an apartment. So after my DH and I had been dating seriously for a year or so, he moved in with my DD and I and we had his two kids EOW. My DH had left everything with his EXW - all the furniture, kids clothes and toys, electronice, everything.. . After we married last year and then found out we were expecting a few months later, we purchased a home together and have since filled it with out own things and things for our kids. My DD and my SD share a bedroom and because they are the same age, essentially all of my DD's toys and things became shared possessions. I talked with DD about this beforehand and she understood - she's a really great kid - very kind and sweet and has always called my SD and SS her borther and sister - never steps.

Anyway, a few months ago, my SD began drawing in a sketch book that my parents had bought my DD when she was on a trip with them in Florida. My DD told my SD that she couldn't use it because my SD had her own and my DD had filled that sketch book almost the whole way with pictures she drew for my parents on vacation. My DH was upset with my DD for saying this. I talked with my DD about it and explained to her that we share all of the craft stuff and toys and that she could tear out the pages for my SD to use since hers was filled. My DD understood and aplogized. the next day, I took both girls and purchased new sketch pads for both. Everything seemed fine.

Fast forward to this week. It was my SD's birthday and she received lots of new toys and presents. One of the thigns she got was a fashion design sketch pad - she actually got two of these but they were different kinds. After she opened her presents, she was sketching and told my DD that she could use one of the pads when she isn't here. My SD is with us one night a week and EOW.

So last night, my DD picked up one of the sketch pads and started using it and my DH said to her "What are you doing? That's not yours - that's SD's" I was livid. I don't condone that my DD didn't want to oringally share her sketch pad but I could understand it - she's a child and she had to open up all of her belongings to be shared with my SD. I talked to her about the issue when she said something and she apologized. IMO, that's typical 9 year old behavior. That is NOT the behavior of an adult and I was so upset that my DH had said this to my DD and made her feel that she couldn't touch something that was HIS child's when everything MY child had became part HIS child's. We had a huge blow up about it last night and he said he was just trying to "teach her a lesson about how it felt". I had handled this situation before and I thought, handled it quite well. I never thought I would need to handle it for an adult as well.

Anyway, I've had a hard time trying to blend these two families - no harder than most people, I guess - but it's hard enought trying to blend two families into one and bring a new baby into the world without me having to worry about DH's behavior too. This obviously isn't the only issue, but I feel like it's symptomatic of the bigger issue - a divide between the way we view things and I'm having a hard time getting past this. I'm so angry with him and feeling so sad for my DD because I feel like she is expected to have made all the changes in her life and my SD and SS just get to enjoy having things at both homes, etc.

I don't know how to make this work. What do you think, ladies? Be brutally honest with me. . . I can take it.