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Feeling horrible.......Please help!

kangaroo's picture

I don't know what to do my BF and I have lived together for 3 yrs the first 1 1/2 were great then he got custody of his 11 r old daughter. I started not liking her to visit after the 3rd one when I discovered she lies and steals. From the day we met he knew I didn't want to have anymore younger children on a full time basis (my two are much older) but I would support this custody thing but couldn't say how it would effect us. I tried to help with her until I got the nasty call from her BM she told her that I treated her badly when my BF wasn't around. I have rules and enforce them. I told my BF that from then on if he wasn't home then niether would she and made him take her with him or to a sitter.

Things are so bad my D and I have to hide are things because of her stealing, she lies about even the littlest thing. I've caught her being mean to our dog and younger kids, and she goes to the bathroom where ever,she took a crap in the shower and in her room, pees in the tub instead of toilet or even in a cotainer in her room its disgusting. The big prob is everyone makes excuses for her behavior or turns a blind eye to it.

I love my BF but can't stand his kid

WHAT SHOULD I DO??

Comments

kangaroo's picture

HELP

DaizyDuke's picture

omg! what a nightmare! I think you were right on the money to tell your BF that if he is not going to be there during her visits that neither will she. And it sounds like this girl needs some pyschiatric help pronto! what kind of excuses can be made for this type of behavior???

kangaroo's picture

She sees a councler but my BF dosn't give all the info and even she makes excuses like for stealing she siad maybee she thinks she borrowing. do you believe?

JJO's picture

No way!!! he doesnt give all the info?? :jawdrop: then why does he bother going?
Can't you go with them next time?

Pantera's picture

It WILL NOT change if BF goes in there making excuses. DH did this with SS10. DH would even lie for SS. It turns into a big mess. This child needs help and nothing is going to change unless her parents get her the help she needs.

kangaroo's picture

I wish it was just visits, she now lives with us, and her BM never picks her up for her visits except for this summer.

She comes back Sat. I'm already stressed!

Moon Child Step Mom's picture

Aw man… I couldn’t put up with the poop and pee thing… she’s flippin 11 years old and behaving like this?!? Has she been clinically evaluated..? What possible excuses could there be for doing that when you’re 11 years old..? Maybe an accident in bed here or there, but jeeze louise, I’d say that’s a HUGE problem. Is she pissing on the floor at her moms or in school too..? Cause dude, if it’s just your house you’ve got a creepy little sociopath on your hands… lying, stealing and “marking her territory” are really bad signs in a kid so young… get her help. Get your boyfriend help… you need to let him know this is NOT acceptable behavior.

Good luck and best wishes…

JJO's picture

agree, professional help , she cant continue living like this.or you. What does her father say about the toilet issue? Her grandparents?

kangaroo's picture

Part of me wants to leave, but part wants to help, and trust me I'm constantly disinfecting everything she touches!!!!

DaizyDuke's picture

I just posted this on a different thread.. but it applies here too...

I think alot of us have come into a situation like this where the BF (intentionally or unintentionally) makes us feel sorry for his situation and then we try to swoop in and be the savior to BF and Skids and it is futile.

You're young, sound intelligent and have your whole life ahead of you... can you really see your future in this mess and see it in a happy light??

kangaroo's picture

My D is older and we have talked and she knows that if the insanity gets to much for her then we will leave.

kangaroo's picture

Ok that might be true if I were going to totally end the relationship instead of just getting my own place untill his D grown. My D chooses to live with me

kangaroo's picture

I'm afraid that when this girl starts hers I'm going to find them everywhere but the trash.

kangaroo's picture

It's been proven she stole from our friends son (money US dollars along with some coin from Mexico) it was found in her room and my BF took it the next day she reslole half of it back.

DaizyDuke's picture

"Any parent who would stand by and watch their child in this state is guilty of child abuse in my opinion."
***********************************************************************************************

Amen to that, HappySearch!

kangaroo's picture

I have had very blunt conversations with him, he blames the BM and she is just as disturbed as the D. I also think he is in denial.

She knows what she is doing and has no regrets unless she is caught and even then within 5 min she acts like nothing happened.

kangaroo's picture

Ok I'm feeling worse now because some are attacking me keeping my D in this household, true my D doesn't like being stolen from and doesn't liks my BFs D but other than that she is in no danger, because trust me if I thought either one of us were I would have moved along time ago.

Willow2010's picture

Sorry you feel attacked. I don’t think anyone means it that way.

But I do understand why they feel that way. I have BTDT. I would not live with or marry my DH for 8ish years because of SS. I did not want my kids exposed to SS on a regular basis. I also did not my kids to think the way DH was raising his son, was OK.

We lived a few blocks from each other for all of that time and it worked out beautiful! You don’t have to kill your relationship just for you and your daughter to have some kind of peace. Just something to think about.

rottierunner's picture

This sounds like the beginning of psychosis or maybe conduct disorder .. especally given the animal abuse.
I think she needs an evaulation by a Psychologist or Psychiatrist to get a clear picture of the real problem.

The problems with excrement, and animal abuse are beyond a counselor's scope. Love does not cure all problems.

All the best to you, good luck

Rags's picture

When she pees in a cup, POUR IT ON HER PILLOW!!!!!!!!!, When she craps in the shower PUT THE TURD ON HER PILLOW!!!!!!!!! or just rub her nose in in like you would a puppy you are house training.

This crap is just sick. If she was my Skid she would have blistered ass 24/7 from a belt for the behavior you describe.

The first time she abused my younger children or pets would be the last.

She may be able to make home life unpleasant but I am a master at making incorrigible young dipshits MISERABLE!!!!! }:)

After about three weeks of sleeping on the bed slats, not bathing in my bathrooms because she obviously is not capable of using them responsibly, standing at attention with her nose firmly planted in a corner any time she was in my home, eating her meals sitting on the front six inches of her very hard wodden chair, wearing a burlap bag and worn out shower flip flops to school she would get the hint that she will treat my home, my pets and my family with absolute respect. If she wants the benefits of belonging to the family then she better damned well behave like it.

If you live in one of those communities that allow you to dump your kids at the fire station with no legal repricussions I would just donate her to the local fire department!

For God's sake this is a 13yo not a 2yo.

GRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am only partly kidding about SOME of these responses to her absolutely unacceptable behavior.

My condolences on having to live with this POS kid and best regards,

kangaroo's picture

I have seen her be mean to the dog, she got nipped once. but I do not have small children, mine are much older than her. She is mean to our friends daughter sometimes for no reason.

kangaroo's picture

Unfortunatly the only thing I can do is keep trying to make my BF see what a problem she has, it's tough because he is in denial that its as bad as it is.

Pantera's picture

I don't have any kids with DH and I left (2 weeks ago). SS pooped on a bed once when he was 7, then drew pictures of himself pooping. Im pretty sure he peed on things too but I can't prove that. DH and BM did nothing about it. Read my blogs, I didn't feel safe and DH wouldn't back me and makes excuses. In DH's words...SS10 "is fine". This will just get worse if she doesn't get help now.