major blowup over this now-don't know what to do.
So the whole issue with FH going into BM's house caused a major blowup..I really really regret moving out of my place..I had a beautiful 2 bedroom condo..and was so happy there, I got with FH and we moved into a 3 bedroom apt. because he had SS.
I sold ALL my furniture and have no $$ to move or buy anything. The only thing I have is a tv, and my daughter's new bedroom set.
This fight over BM is not a full blown war. He gets sooo defensive and goes on to tell me that I obsess over (I prob. do..I admit..but that is because not a day goes by that I don't see her somewhere or something)..and she has caused SOOO much drama and yet I have to take it because I have to think of SS2. There was a time in the past also that he confided in BM about problems we had..so beceause of this I have trust issues with him now talking to her, which is why I'm so on his azz about even stepping into her house.
So he goes onto to tell me that "my son was in the f***en hospital last night and I should 've been there with him but I knew you'd blow up my phone all night so I didn't go"..
Ok 1) BM brings ss to emergency room if he sneezes - seriously 2) FH told me last night that he wasn't getting SS last night cuz' he was "sick" nothing about being in ER. 3) FH has gone to ER before when SS was there and I didn't call or text him - I don't..when he is near her I don't call or text - I'm not going to show her I'm insecure 4) if he was THAT sick how come FH now has SS..5) if SS was THAT sick how come BM was not with him yesterday around 6 instead of walking her fat azz to the gym?
So I ask FH when did you find out he was in ER - he maks it like he knew last night..but I think he JUST found out..of course he hasn't responded now to texts - I call and he doesn't answer - he is sooo friggen childish and immature..
What I once thought was a fairytale romance is hell and I'm stuck in it! I take alot of blame that I AM very insecure of BM..why - I don't know.
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He shouldn't go into her house anyways.
I don't care if it makes him mad or not. How would he like it if you were walking on into your x's house. This may be fine in a relationship where everyone gets along, and that would be okay. But if it is against your wishes he shouldn't do it, bottom line.
And then why didn't he go if his son was soooooooo sick. Hell and high water couldn't keep me from the hospital if my kids were sick. Because you nailed it, she takes him if he sneezes. Your DH knew SS was fine, just wants something to fuss with you about to take the attention away from him being in her house.
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.
Kaff, honey, you know I love you that's why I'm going to be honest with you right now. The jealousy/insurcity of the BM will drive a huge wedge inbetween you and your DH. I know, you have every reason to feel this way sometimes, and these things bother you. I understand, totally. I felt it all to. I had to get to a place that I just started ignoring the stuff she, and even sometimes he did. Somewhere along the line alot of the BS stopped. I think once he saw that I loved his daughter, and that I would only fuss about the BIG things, he stopped 99% of the little things. I know it's hard to do, but try to make a pact with yourself for a entire week that you are not going to let a thing that she does, or anything he does because of her, upset you. Then don't let it. Go outside and look at the sky, go read a cool book, turn the channel to lifetime, go cook something yummy. Act perfectaly happy and cheerful and put whatever it was completley out of your head. Don't even allow youself to think of it. After a week of training yourself to do most of those feelings will subside. And I think he'll stop alot of the stupid crap because of it.
Did I make any sense at all with that?
~Happiness is defined by the smile on your face, not the frown on others.~
it's just soo hard
I've never been good at dealing with jealousy - it's because EVERY relationahip I've been in cheated on me..and I have abandonment and betrayal issues..
I can hate someone one minute and the next minute try to hash it out and get along..LOL! One of my downfalls I think (I used to think it was a good quality) is that I can't tell people to just F*** off..and brush off the drama).
Your right - he knew SS was fine..he told me last night "he's sick" he never ONCE said he was in the hospital. I have NEVER given him a hard time about seeing his son - I would've told him - GO be with your son! and I would've not called or texted. He KNOWS this..but your right he's just trying to throw the attention off himself and onto me now. I'm not gonna stand for it. And if he is sooo sick why is he not at home with BM now instead of my FH picking him and having him out and about?
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
I've got a jealous streak a mile long.
I really do. And I admit it! So I know this is very hard for you. DH and I had the same blow out once. BM had him come into the house so she could show him the Christmas gifts she bought for the kids. Of course he had to go to her room to see it. Man I was HOT! I think that's when I shut down for a few months. I ignored it all. I didn't care. I just ignored and observed. Somewhere, it all stopped. Thank God, cause if it hadn't we wouldnt' still be togheter.
Just try to get past it Kaff. You can do it. Shut the engines down and look at the whole thing with wide open eyes. Don't tell him which choices are the right ones, watch and see if he does it on his own. If he doens't after a little bit you need to weigh your options. ((((hugs))))
~Happiness is defined by the smile on your face, not the frown on others.~
And dont forget..
I would rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I am not.
those pink sweat pants on her! And remember why dh chose you, your independent, strong, self assured and attractive. Always have confidence in yourself, the more self confidence you have, the more he still feels he has to chase you and men love a good chase. The ex is a needy clingy woman, probably one of many reasons he is not with her anymore. Seperate his feelings for his son from what insecurities you have regarding the bm...they are two seperate issues. As far as him going into her home, let him know that his actions are feeding the bm's fantasy's of reconciliation and that is very unfair of him to do to her or his son unless that is what he intends...then see what he says.
ear infection
The kid had an ear infection. I texted FH earlier what he was doing ' he said he was out and about so I told him "wow, SS can't be THAT sick" He said he had an ear infection and is fine now..so I said "oh wow..yea you definitely should've been at the hosital for that". Of course, no response.
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
violated
Your dude violated you and your relationship when he discussed his business with you with his X. What did he think was going to happen? No, he does not need to go into the house play best buds with her. I am sorry that you don't have your old place so you would have a peaceful place to go to..
" There was a time in the past also that he confided in BM about problems we had..so beceause of this I have trust issues with him now talking to her, which is why I'm so on his azz about even stepping into her house."
I can't give any advice on this one... I have had the exact same
problems. My DH tells his EW EVERYTHING. He defends her if anybody says anything bad, (especially me) and he is constantly calling and receiving phone calls all during daytime hours when I'm not around. When it is during time that I'm home he jumps up and runs into the other room and NEVER tells me what is said. He is so secretive with his ex-wife, it is infuriating. I have learned to just ignore it, but even that I'm having a hard time ignoring anymore with all of the other problems we are having.
oh srs..
your situation sounds unbearable..FH only did it once in our case, but now I don't trust him not to do it again. I could not stand the situation you are going thru. There is NO need for that!
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"