I've been with my husband for 3 years, married for 1. Sometimes I don't even like my stepchildren. I don't know if I'll ever feel love for them. I'm processing through that and trying to figure out how to manage the fact that I feel so connected to my husband and so disconnected from his children. It's also a challenge to manage his enthusiasm for including them in everything and not wanting to do anything without them, while I count the minutes until they are gone every time they are with us.

It's completely normal. Your stepson is not your child. Consider yourself the friendly aunt. You are an ambassador for dad, not replacement mommy. Dad does all of the heavy lifting and you just enforce his rules.

Assuming that you and DH don't have sole custody, I don't think you should expect to feel "maternal" about a child you neither gave birth to nor helped raise. If you are caring and compassionate toward the child (assuming he is a child, not an adult step), then I think you are making the grade!

For the record, it is entirely possible to be in so love with your husband and intensely dislike his offspring but, in my experience, that doesn't bode well for the marriage, especially if your DH harbours "one big happy family" delusions.

There's nothing wrong with not loving a child that isn't yours.

I've been with DH for six and a half years. The last two and a half skids have lived with us full time. I don't love either of them. Even saying I like them would be a stretch most days now.

Like ThatStepLife said, the first year or two I could have told someone I loved them... Then the rose colored glasses fell off and the truth came out. I completely agree with her entire comment.

Thank gawd I've never had to raise minor skids! Hats off to all you SM's that do.

I love DH, like (don't love) ss26 and gskids, don't like ss32 as a person at all. So yes it's possible and I don't feel guilty about it at all. They are a part of DH but so is his cat that I like but not love. I love my cat so much more. Our cat step family that has refused to blend is a whole other issue.

DH has admitted he doesn't love but likes my kids too, he's even proud of them as a step father. We co exist just fine in the *like* zone.

I'm raising my stepdaughter full-time as she lives with us and her mother isn't very involved. I care about her deeply, I think of her as one of my own, but deep down, I know I don't truly "love" her. I enjoy when she's away visiting family in the summer and I don't necessarily count down the days til she's back lol. I like her, I just don't love her the way a parent loves their child - maybe more the way you love your niece or nephew I guess.

I'm pregnant now and that the whole experience has showed me how different the love is. The baby I'm due with in 6 weeks is my whole world already. I quit smoking for him, changed my eating habits, stopped drinking caffeine, etc. all of which I wouldn't do in a million years for anyone else's child (especially quitting smoking lol seriously no way in hell i'd do that for anybody other than my unborn child!)

I just think it's unnatural to love somebody else's kid as fiercely (or even at all). I do my best to avoid feeling guilty about it. At the end of the day, I'll work hard to treat them the same because I'm raising them both, but it's how I feel so I refuse to feel bad about it.

I have been with my husband for 8 years and he has had full custody with NO contact from Medusa for 6 years. I don't like my skids.

I can say I love my skids now. It was a long road to get there. I started out loving them, then they treated me and SO like crap because BM made them, I didn't love them so much then. I didn't even like them. Now they are all free of BM and I can say I love them again. But, I will never love them as much as I love my own kids. At least, I don't think I will ever. I don't feel the least bit guilty.

I dearly love SS17, but I sure don't like a lot of his behavior. A long time ago, when I has a nightmare drama-queen co-worker who I dreaded seeing every day, my best friend coached me through it by giving me an extremely helpful mantra: Love the Person, Hate the Bad Behavior. This of course did nothing to change the co-worker but did a lot for me in reminding me she was just a wounded soul lashing out - it wasn't personal. I even hold some gratitude for that co-worker because I wouldn't have been job-hunting or landing the next awesome job (a $14k annual pay increase!) if not for her ongoing drama flare-ups. I look forward to (hopefully) seeing SS17 mature and right his course, but remain aware I can only change me & my own attitudes.

9 1/2 years for dh and i. i love all three boys with a love based on principal. i would lay down my life for any of them, no questions asked. affection, personality compatibility, and parent/child feelings are a-whole-'nother thing, and there can be various different levels with each different relationship.

don't feel guilty. relationships evolve over time. it's best to just be real and authentic, and let time help it grow in whatever direction it's supposed to be. and like bright said above, love is a verb - actions. it's not always feelings/emotions.

I neither love nor like SS32. I try my best not to hate his guts - because hate is harder on the hater than the person who is hated.