This is going to be long I think - and this is the short version.

So New Years weekend the SKs were with their mom for the weekend for the first overnight visitation since July of 2009. When they came home Sunday night SD15 was acting strangely and would barely speak to us. So later that night we checked her cell phone to see if we could tell what was going on. We've had to do this routinely since we found pictures of her 14 yo BF's penis on her phone over the summer.
So when we look at the texts between her and her boyfriend we find them both talking horribly about me. That I'm a devil worshiping b*itch, she said she'd rather live in a cardboard box than with that "skanky ass ho" (me), etc etc. About 40 texts back and forth about how horrible I am and her mom wants to know "what that b*tch said to you when you got home", that she needs to "cuss me out". Her BM and SD20 are going to "kick my ass" and her BF 16 is going to kill me. Needless to say, I've doing nothing to warrant all of this and when asked SD15 said the worst thing I've ever done to her is 2 months ago I yelled at her for not coming home when I told her to (3 hours late with no phone call).

DH wakes her up (this is about midnight) and tells her to get her ass in our room and that we were going to talk about this. She cops an attitude and is standing right next to our bed. He tells her to sit down and she refuses, he tells her again and she has that FU look on her face so he grabbed the back of her ponytail and sits her down. While I disagree with what he did, she was not hurt in any way. So she's crying the whole time and hardly spoke for 2 hours. It's obvious in the texts that her BF, BM and SD20 were together when all this was going on and she won't tell us what started this whole thing, why she was talking about me that way (we find out later from SS14 that they were talking and lying about me all day Sunday). The best we could get out of her was that she blames me for not being able to see her mom more even though its not my fault (she said it wasn't my fault but she blames me anyway). Her mom has extensive psychological issues and has been court ordered since 2008 to attend therapy. She has been held in contempt 4 times and was seeing the kids for 2 restricted hours a week because she would not go to therapy. NOT MY FAULT. She abandoned them at a truck stop. NOT MY FAULT. She faked brain cancer. NOT MY FAULT, etc. etc. SD15 admits that none of this is my fault but she blames me anyway WTF ?!? When we went to court to have her visitation restricted (multiple times) we did so because all three SD20, SD15 and SS14 wanted us to. They did not want to see their BM.

So 7 or 8 years ago DH had a heart attack brought on by the stress of living with BM. During the conversation with SD15 DH said to her "if you're going to do this to my family, you might as well shoot me in the heart since I've already had 1 heart attack and this is going to give me another one".

Wednesday afternoon DH calls me and says how fast can you get home because the sheriff and CPS are at our house. Huh? So I get there before he does and evidently a report was made that he hit her, pulled her hair and threatened her with a gun. WTF? So after interviewing everyone, they decide the only thing that happened was that he pulled her hair and used bad language. We find out from talking to various family members that BM and SD20 went to the school guidance counselor and reported him for this. SD20 has not spoken to him since a week ago Sunday BEFORE this ever happened. She had gone to her grandparents and told them that she was going to work 4 jobs so she could raise the kids BEFORE this happened. This is the same child who was physicallly abused by her mom, DH has always had custody of since the divorce and WE pay 15K a year for her to go to college, and until this happened everything was hunky dory. DH had asked her to pay us the $170 she owes us since she wanted to live in a fancier dorm at school and we told she would have to pay the difference (we already pay an extra $600 per semester so she can have her own bedroom instead of sharing) She's doing all of this because of $170. Needless to say, we are no longer paying for her college and she can ask her mother to support her, which she has never done in her entire life.

There is so much more to this story, but we're at a point where we just don't know what to do. SD15 wants to go stay with her mom for a month (so she can lose her virginity to her boyfriend as talked about in the text messages). We can't just ship her off to get pregnant and its not what's best for her regardless. Her mom is not stable. Even the social worker that was here said she wouldn't recommend that she go to her mom's because of her mental issues (BPD among other things). DH is heartbroken, two of his daughters have betrayed him. SS14 is crushed by all of this because he knows its all lies and his mom is crazy and he loves me. DH has NEVER abused his children, and being accused of it breaks his heart. I don't know whether to be angry, sad or hurt. Why do I bother trying if this is what I'm going to get. SD15 said she resents me because I'm a better mother than her BM. What am I supposed to do with that?