I'm having a rough day today and just need somewhere to get all these thoughts out. Even if no one has any advice or wants to comment, that's fine...I just feel like I need a shoulder today just for someone to listen. My problems aren't any different than any others, but I guess combined with the PMS lol I'm just having one of those days with a gazillion thoughts floating in my mind that won't give up.

BF of 4+ years and I do not live together. I can't move in with him as I have a stb21 year old DD that doesn't want to move as we currently live closer to her work, combined with the fact that we have a nice peaceful, quiet house and I work for my home to take pride in, my house is updated/ remodeled and everything is mine! I also do not spend a lot of time at BFs house such as spending the night as I have dogs to take care of and his house/yard is not setup for dogs. So in essence, we do not spend enough time together and unfortunately i don't see an end to this. Him staying at my house is also not an option for a multitude of reasons that he comes up with. Hence, the loneliness feeling kicks into high gear sometimes...particularly around this time of the month.

He worships his kids and they are treated like GODS when they are there! He delivers food to them, picks up their dishes, asks every 5 minutes if he can get anything for them, etc. We can't even go to the store to get dessert for ourselves without him wanting to get something else for the kids when they already have 3 different types of dessert at the house! He also texts back and forth with the kids multiple times a day and has regular communication with the ex. He says their talks are about the kids, but I guess they can't consolidate those convos, because every day theres something else that she needs to tell him! *eyeroll* I believe that he still has an emotional attachment to his ex as he is concerned over her ability to date and being happy but yet says that it's because of the kids. His excuse is also that he wants to keep an amicable relationship with her so he pretty much gives into whatever she wants. Per a previous blog post....he asks her to take the kids on one of his days and the time has to be made up...she asks him to take the kids extra time and he wouldn't dare ask her what she is going to do for us!

He also keeps a lot of info from me that I eventually find out about, such as extra time that he takes the kids, extra things that he does for the kids/ ex, etc. Lying, omission of info, protection of my feelings?! Not sure which.

Also when the kids are at his house, there are no rules, no discipline and no structure. They want 3 different snacks between 7pm and bedtime, including continually asking for more food at 11pm at night since they have no bedtime? Sure, no problem! The boy wants to spend all his time playing on the computer 24/7 when he is there? No big deal. He doesn't want to teach the kids proper manners to say hello to an adult when they come into the room instead of ignoring them? The poor kid is victimized and it's everyone else's fault except for his! If you're done with food and dishes, just either give them to your dad or pile them up on the kitchen counter instead of actually putting them in the dishwasher! Are your little 10 year old hands broken??

He tells me that he would give up our relationship first before he would change anything with regards to visitation with the kids as even though he now has them about 50% of the time, it's "alienation" if he cuts back any time even though just a few years ago, he didn't have a problem with only seeing them eowe. So, that makes me feel really important that he isn't willing to do whatever it takes to keep our relationship going. Maybe I'm looking at it wrong as they are his kids after all, but at the same time, it doesn't help me to feel less important.
He also says that he would make changes to the way things are around the house if I was to move in, but yet when I ask him to prove it and start doing those things now to put your money where your mouth is, he doesn't. So how am I supposed to believe anything you say??

I don't want to break up and it kills me to even consider it, but I'm not sure how much longer I can go on like this. Other than the kids, everything else is great between us! So, do I break up with someone and be miserable without him over 1 issue that we butt heads on, or do I stick it out and deal with just it as every single relationship has problems. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

If you have read this post, thanks for getting this far. Like I said above, no need to comment unless you have any advice...I just needed to type it out somewhere and have someone lend a virtual ear today.