Having a relationship with one but not the other?
I have posted numerous times about how I'm disengaged from the BF's kids. I don't live with them, but I used to take much more of an interest than I do now. I used to cook and bake with them, do crafts, all of us go out together, talk with them, etc. however when BF started shoving them down my throat coupled with the fact that he babied them, I stepped back.
Based on another post that I made last night about the BF not advising me of his plans to keep the kids, I've thought that maybe I should just not be around when he has the kids. I won't go to his house and he won't bring them to mine when they are there. That way he doesn't have to run anything by me as far as when they are there, he can raise them how he wants, they can make all the noise they want, etc.
BUT...I've actually come to start liking the stb12SD! She is actually turning into a decent human being that is very sweet, shows an interest in me, acts like a young lady and is polite with manners! She talks to me, thanks me, even opened the car door for me on Friday!
It's the SS10 that I can't stand. The kid acts like he's 5, doesn't talk...or when he does its very low mumbles that you can't make out what he says, does badly in school, never wants to do anything except sit in front of a computer 24/7 and of course the BF that babies him that doesn't help the way he acts.
Problem being, is if I decide to not see them anymore, I also miss out on being around SD. I don't have a desire to go out and do things with her one on one, but I do not mind her being around in the house and swimming together, talking, etc. when I am there. I don't cringe when SD walks in the door whereas with SS, I can't even stand to look at him.
So, in getting to my question, does anyone have a relationship with 1 skid but not the other? I'm talking when they are young(er). How do you do it?
- justthegirlfriend13's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Tread lightly! It is okay to
Tread lightly! It is okay to like one skid more than another, but it's not okay to show it. If you do, it will cause issues between the kids, it could cause SS to act out in jealousy and it has potential to drive a wedge in your relationship too.
ETA- I forgot to say that if you really want to spend time with SD, you might be able to get away with it by suggesting that DH spend alone time with SS, then while they are gone you and SD can hang out. BUT if not done carefully, this can blow up in your face.
To answer only your last
To answer only your last question, yes, I have a great relationship with stepson who is 12. He is affectionate with me, accepts me as an authority figure, expresses concern for me if he notices I'm sick or quiet. He is very authentic and relaxed with me. I have certainly told him "no" and given him expectations and he just accepts it like a teacher or an aunt, someone who is definitely part of his family.
His older sister has aggressively rejected everything to do with me. It has been painful for me. Her father and I have worked hard on simply getting her behavior towards me up to human civilization bare minimum. During that time I DROPPED most of the nice stuff I was doing for her or reaching out to her. All I require now in my own relationship with her is that she return a greeting (hello, good-bye, good night). She can't manage that most of the time.
So I just enjoy the hell out of my stepson and happily co-parent with my DH on this. Kid is making a lot of progress and DH tells me SS adores me. I have to say it looks like he's right about that.
SD knows she has no relationship with me. She wants it that way. Done and done. (Coincidentally, she is now flunking all her classes and still has no friends her own age, either)
I am in the same boat with my
I am in the same boat with my SD13. My SS11 is awesome and loving and I love him to death. I can't even get SD13 to say hello - and when she looks at me it's with daggers. She is the clone of her rotten mother, her spy, reporter - you name it. No matter what I do it's always turned around....if I do something special for her, I'm showing off because we are better off financially. If I don't do anything, she is told by BM that I don't want her around. And these are only the little bits of info we get because she is trained not to talk. So, I agree......enjoy your SS and hope realize that SD will have much more fun if she gets the chip of her shoulder and enjoys your love!