Who cares it's only me.
I have a decent relationship with my 2 SS after much trial & error. Every single year for their birthdays we do a family party. Every single year for Father's Day I make sure the boys get something for Dad and they come over to celebrate. Every single year for my b-day & DH's b-day we go out to dinner or make a special dinner at home & have cake & gifts with the kids. Except for this year. My DH reminded SS19 that it was my b-day so he sends me a txt saying happy b-day. That's it. He completely forgot to tell my SS15 that it was my b-day and to go out & get a card & gift. He ended up just telling him that my b-day was last week so SS15 just says happy b-day. That was it. No further mention of it or anything. My DH aploiged profusely to me saying how he dropped the ball ect. He did have his own celebration for me just the two of us out to dinner & gifts and all but he just totally flaked on the family part of it. This is so unlike him and I know he has allot going on and all but it just really hurt that I got a mere mention of my b-day from the kids & that's all. I know there are people on here who dont even get that much but for my situation it's not normally like that. We are closer then that & I feel slighted that This happened. Then, because DH & my SS were talking last week about some old action movie SS decided to bring it over this weekend. DH & I were watching TV & SS comes into the room & says I have that movie were were talking about dad, want to watch it. DH says sure! Like I wasn't even in the room. I was watching something and poof, just like that I don't exist. About 45 min into the movie DH says oh you don't mind if we watch this do you? Like it matters. I'm just so irritated. I would never ever in a million years 'forget' to do the family celebration part of DH's b-day or Father's Day.
- June's blog
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Comments
Your lucky. True, my skids
Your lucky. True, my skids are adults...23 to 34. I do not even get a birthday text. Yet, DH expects me to get a card and a gift...and mail it on time for the skids...WTF!!
I feel like maybe people are
I feel like maybe people are missing the point of what I said. I don't care if the people reading this don't ever get a happy birthday from their skids- for my family that's not how we are at all. We love each other & celebrate special times together. We say I love you to each other & give hugs. This isn't a I hate my step-mom / step kids kind of a thing so I'll be happy with whatever I get. I don't , nor did I ever expect my skids to throw me a party- it's not their responsibility. My point was that, or rather my complaint was that my DH dropped the ball and never 'celebrated ' my b-day with the skids this year. Which for ME is totally strange. I get that most people don't have that kind of relationship with their skids , but because I do, it hurt that I was more or less forgotten.
I got two of four send me
I got two of four send me texts at 9pm on my birthday a couple weeks ago. That's only because I told FDH that I was upset they ignored it so he texted them. I got one belated wish in person a few days later. SD11 did nothing. Meanwhile, I spent $75 on her birthday a couple days later.
I get what you are saying. It
I get what you are saying. It is like...what is up? Is the honeymoon over? What happen to the fire? it is really not about the skids...it is about DH. Has DH offered to make it up? Belated get together...Today is my birthday...DH is at work...I am home alone. MIL, who I have done A to Z for, more than her own three sons...never called me. I did not get a gift or card from DH. He did buy me an ice cream cake before he left. I usually just buy what I want...this is what you got me. DH is not one to by gifts. Whatever!
I get it...it sucks...when you are use to it. On the other hand, you are more blessed than most of us. I do not think anyone is telling you that your feeling are not real.
speak up!!!! you want
speak up!!!! you want something, or need something speak up and ask for it! yes they should be more considerate, but... they aren't!
(happy birthday!)
Sometimes we cover for our
Sometimes we cover for our kids so much that they use us as their personal calendar. And maybe part of the problem is YOUR birthdays have always been organised around the kids just turning up and taking part.
We did that for several years but we don't now. DHs and my birthday is just that ... our time to celebrate. If anyone wants to turn up or join us I tell them about OUR plans and they can fit in.
So maybe the time has come for you to plan something intimate and exclusive for DHs birthday. No kids. And as for F/Day. I am sure they can work it out. After all, they are old enough to remember, right?
So don't pander and play the martyr. Just accept it as the status quo...
Look, last year DH and I busted a gut getting TG dinner prepared. Ans his sons and my kids all turned up at the appointed time.... full as anything. SSs had eaten at their mothers place at 2:30 and my daughter,SonIL and kids had eaten at his parents place at 2pm. So 3 guesses who was NOT hungry @ 5pm? I was upset and angry we had wasted all day preparing a delicious meal that hardly anyone ate.
So this year it will be different. An open invitation will be extended to everyone. Lunch at 1pm. RSVP at the least 72 hrs beforehand or the assumption is you are not coming. It is likely DH and I will sit down to a pared down but equally exquisite lunch. Anyone who wants to drop by can come for dessert between 5-8pm. After that the drawbridge is up and I am likely to be out shopping. I refuse to have my feelings hurt ever again. SonILs mother is very good with the emotional guilt trip as well as BM in her own IceQueen manner. So... I will let them all off the hook.
And so can you. Either they ASK what the plan is and how they can help out or they are on their own.
I would just stop celebrating
I would just stop celebrating their events too.
It is great that you have kept this going for so long but to me all step relationships come to this point.
Hugs and Happy Birthday