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Oooops! I did it again!

June's picture

Submitted by June on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 6:32pm

Its my own fault, Ill start out by saying that. Tonight we had a little graduation 'celebration' for one skid who graduated high school and the other who graduated 8th grade. So of course my DH had basically nothing to do with the entire thing.. I was the one who suggested that we even have the celebration. I asked older skids where he would like to go for dinner.. he picks a fairly expensive place.. not 5 star or anything but not chilies either. So whatever that's fine. I go on line and special order a gift for him, go out and pick out graduation cards for the both of them got a gift for younger skid, gave a 100.00 to older skid (plus the special ordered gift) picked up a cake from a bakery that I also had special ordered in their favorite flavor) We go out to this dinner that I pay for (150.00) go home have the cake and give the gifts. My husband keeps saying thanks the entire night.. the kids? not so much. Glad my husband was thanking me, but he was only doing it as a prompt so the kids would pick up the hint and say it to me. Finally I got a mumbled thank-you before they walked out the door to go home. I so spoil them, I treat them like they are my own and they treat my like S***. I never in a million years got that kind of stuff from my own parents, never mind step parents. Then my Dh cant understand why I'm feeling do deflated after they leave. I got nothing out of it. I was truly proud of them and wanted to give them a nice night, I just want them to appreciate me and realized that I do care about them. My DH says that boys are like that and they don't really show lots of emotion but they do appreciate what I do. Then I mentioned to him that older skid was kinda mouthy all night and talking back to DH and so he got mad that I said that and thinks that im wrong and older skid never said anything wrong all night and blab bla bla.. so now he's mad at me too. So glad I went out of my way again to get S*** on. I knew this would happen too, it always does. guess I just don't learn. I wish I was meaner and could just be cold and bitter to them. I really do, I think I would save myself allot of hurt.

Comments

anabihibik's picture

Submitted by anabihibik on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 6:56pm

I'm sorry your feelings got hurt. I find myself feeling the same way sometimes when I show that I care about FSS. I had a little revelation yesterday at this step-parenting conference. And, it sucked but I'd rather have it now. Wednesday Martin said "You're not family to them, and you may never be and that's ok." :jawdrop: He lives with me, I cook for him, I help him with his homework..... I carved the bat symbol out of cake for his birthday. Thursday, I was told I'm not family by an 8 year-old. I've been irritated with him since. Add the PMS to the mix, and I'm sure FDH is thrilled to be around me this weekend. Wink So, then we had a discussion about how to reconcile these feelings I have where I want to do things for him because God knows his mom isn't. Only do those things without the expectation of getting any appreciation back. I know I'm going to get burned a few times. And, then I'll either say screw it and stop or I'll master the art of not caring if he doesn't care. This weekend I'm well on the way towards saying screw it. And, it is ok. I don't need for him to like me. It would be nice if he did, but it isn't a requirement. Lucky for me, FDH is well aware of what I'm feeling and is completely supportive of my feelings.

Done WIth It's picture

Submitted by Done WIth It on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 7:02pm

June, you were terribly unappreciated by the kids, but your husband thought you terrific.

I'll bet your husband didn't want to do this, knowing his good would acknowledge or care to the extent in all ways that you did.

Hope you learned to keep your cash and let dad put on the events from now on. Those kids won't give a hoot what you do. If you give them something, they'll take it. But don't expect anything from them. Just don't because it's not going to happen.

You don't have to be mean to them, a card will suffice from now on. Maybe card and cake. But please, go easy on yourself and your relaztionship with your husband. Don't set yourself up to be hurt.

I've gone through exactly what you have. See my posting id in here....now you know how I feel.

Now go tell you husband you're sorry that your disappointment was greater that your ability to handle being let down. Make up and learn from this experience. Forget the little $#!%S

Done WIth It's picture

Submitted by Done WIth It on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 7:38pm

ok...didn't completely erase the words on the second line....here it is:

I'll bet your husband didn't want to do this, knowing his kids wouldn't acknowledge or care to the extent in all ways that you did.

I wish I could say I was drunk or something.....I'm just stupid, I guess.

Anyways, from now on, go easy on yourself and your husband. Those kids will never appreciate what you do and your husband knows they won't. You don't have to rub it in to him. He's as disappointed in them as you.

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 6:28pm

Of course I am evil but when I feel SD is ungrateful, I stopped giving her gifts.

About the same time I started mentoring an at risk girl a little younger than SD. I do things now for my little protege instead of SD, and she is always appreciative!

So SD misses out, oh well, but she does seem to be figuring out how these things work!