you had a child with her, now don't act like your a hero by RESCUING your son from her!!!
This is my first post, and Im so glad I found ya'll!
Issue of the moment is this:
ss12 goes to BM for the summer. We still get him on weekends and the rest of the year he is here full time with visits to BM on weekends. DH works out of town for two weeks at a time then is home for 2 weeks. During the time he is gone he has made it out that i am the EVIL SM because I don't want to go get SS for "our" regularly scheduled weekend visits (what? so i can just hang out with him, alone....um...no thanks!) and talks constantly about how bad he feels for SS bc his BM is totally useless and sits him in front of a computer or TV for hours on end. (and this is MY problem???? YOU married her and CHOSE to have a child with her. YOU deal with the fact that you think she sucks at being a parent. Not my problem!)
So DH will be in for his two weeks at home this Saturday and has informed me that he will be picking up SS on his way home from the airport. During the same conversation, we are talking about what we will do while he is in and it becomes evident that he plans on SS being with us the ENTIRE time he is home! (at best we should have him a total of 5-6 days out of the 14 days my DH will be home) Apparently DH has talked to BM and she is A-ok with not having to bother with her own SON, when she is SUPPOSED to have him, and has no problem with DH taking him for longer than required (so she doesn't have to bother with being a mother)
No mention of the two of us having a date night alone. Or any consideration for maybe picking up the day after DH gets home so we can have ONE night alone.
Summer time is my break from the "golden boy", and given that my DH is gone so much I just want some time with him alone without being forced to "play mommy".
And of course, the whole time this conversation is being packaged with the overtones of how badly DH feels bc SS has had to spend all this time with his BM. wah wah wah. Its his mother! I raise that child 10 months out of the year. I don't think it will KILL the woman to care for her own child for a couple weeks. So of course, my two weeks with my DH will be him over-compensating for the fact that the "poor thing" had to spend so much time with his own mother. <>
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Comments
The fact that he has a child
The fact that he has a child with a bad mother is NOT your problem!
SO TRUE!!!! This is what I have been feeling a lot lately. Why the fuck is it MY problem that DHs kids have scumbag mother's??? And why should I and our BS2 be punished for this? DH and I just got into it the other day about SD14 living with us and how her BM pays NOTHING in child support and DH doesn't even want to bother with it, and it's not SDs fault that her mother sucks and poor, poor SD. Well what about poor, poor me?
So both skids are in another state right now with DH's rich Aunt. After being there one day, they are calling and telling DH how she took them shopping, they got new sneakers, new bathing suits, new this, new that... blah blah blah. Of course that's all they care about.. what they can get from everyone, so I'm not surprised. But what about BS2? He gets nothing? Oh that's right, because he has a REAL mother who actually takes care of him and loves him so nobody feels sorry for poor, poor BS2. Whatever.
My DH is like this: DH feels
My DH is like this: DH feels bc SS has had to spend all this time with his BM
He wants all this extra time with his skids, we currently have them 50% of the time - problem is, DH isn't available for any additional time, in fact he uses 50% of the time he already has and sticks them with me.
All of this because he thinks BM is a bad mother - well DH, then you shouldn't have married her for 13 years and allowed yourself to enpregnate her twice then should you?
Worst part is, over the last few years, all the things DH complains about BM as a parent he does himself. At first I supported DH blindly assuming all the bad things BM must be. Don't get me wrong, I have no love for her, she can be a horrible person. However I am bio Mom to my 2 bios and frankly, the skids should be with their mother not me if DH can't be here. I really don't care - she is their mother - make her do her job.
DH also is a lazy father, BM does all the appts, events and playdates. DH wants me to do it all - no thank you. I have 2 bios already I have to do that for. Why should the skids get to double dip at my expense. DH is a grown man, he can choose to let BM do everything and be lazy or do some of it himself - but I am not the answer.
DH, BM was good enough to marry, good enough to stay with for 13 years, good enough to knock up twice - deal with it - your problem.
i feel like i have landed on
i feel like i have landed on the planet called REALITY! I love you all! I love your comments! i love that you "get it"!
I'll be here everyday! LOL
newwife- LOL! thank you! he seems to think "thats what i signed up for" BALONEY!!!
3families - this comment "DH, BM was good enough to marry, good enough to stay with for 13 years, good enough to knock up twice - deal with it - your problem." makes my day
i've told him that since we met!