"You married a man with kids"
Got this from my mom on Tuesday as we were discussing SD and them meeting for dinner on Saturday for the first time in 9 months. "You knew I was married before when you met me", got this last night. Really!!!
I was venting because I contacted my accountant to discuss separate taxes being filed for us. BM and DH are now in CO modification and she got a copy of our first tax return together. So since, this is ongoing and I did not know that would happen, I did not want a repeat of that. I find out from the accountant it will make both of us pay a lot more in taxes. DH sends an email to me that it will probably be 1,000's. I went nuts on him when he came home from work. Yes, wrong....but very pissed.
He says this to me and I went nuts again. So because I married a nice guy with an ex wife, I should therefore just bite the bullet and let it cost me now too? In dollars and not just emotional.
Hell no. But, I have no choice. He thinks we file jointly and as my new business gets stronger this year than we file separate, since there will be more money. Yes, my money.....easy for him to say. He has plenty in the bank, I on the other hand decided to start my own company this last year and have spent my savings on that. Things are going very well for me now, but anything can happen. How dare he and my mother feel that I should just expect these type of issues and take it? We may have married into this situation, but could we possibly have foreseen these types of issues????
Also, curiously when I asked to see his ex's tax return, he doesn't have it. I want to see if she filed with her new husband. If they have a right to ours, we should be able to see theirs. So frustrated over the whole situation. He and BM created all this drama by their lack of parenting together. Early on, when he said he they had a great relationship and she would not be a problem, I should have run...
DH is having dinner with his daughter tomorrow night. She went to two therapy sessions and he went to meet with the therapist after. She convinced her to go. I hope it goes well for them. But, I don't see many changes in her since she is still trying to cause problems for my BS on the bus. They have been back 2 days. She is not as bad as before, but she is still doing it. He is just trying to ignore her. Now she has all her friends involved in this. He gets his license in Feb and then has my permission to start driving to school. At least that will stop his interaction with her.
I am sure I will be bashed for this stuff. Seems as if on this site, if I don't accept SD's behavior and take it, then I am the "evil" SM. Well she has done too much for me to want to even have her in my life. She can be in her Dad's life and her brother's life, but she doesn't have to be in mine and my son's. She created this mess, personally I think she can deal with the ramifications of her actions. No one else wants to admonish her, not her Bio's or the therapist. Everyone forgets that she actually had to go to a lawyers office and sign those papers. And the BM had to take her there.
Sorry vent over.....
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Comments
exactly don't just give her
exactly don't just give her stuff because she asked for it. I feel bad for OP I'd be pissed in my income was ever considered in child support. BM thought she could get my income but IL doesn't allow that. Lucky me even though she was still getting my income sort of since DH was close to broke after paying CS. Good Luck and ask your attorney what to do don't just give her what she asks for esp if you don't have to
This was requested by her
This was requested by her lawyer and we provided it for the modification. Apparently it is standard practice. I am told that my income isn't usually considered, but it depends on the judge's attitude that day. This is the south and they are very against Dad's here. It is not about the income being considered, it is about her knowing my affairs. Why should she get to know that stuff? I don't think we should know about her husbands.
Can't you file a motion in
Can't you file a motion in return? As in, for privacy? It does vary but can/ has been done.
What state are you in and have you produced it yet?
JSMOM - vent all you want
JSMOM - vent all you want that is what this site is for and if someone wants to say something stupid or asinine or completely put a BM only perspective out there - there is that delightful button called delete - delete their asses - we are here to listen to your vent and to offer support - you are not asking for advice in this post you are venting so if anyone has anything to say that will upset you - delete it - it truly feels good when you can delete the assholes that come here to rile everyone up.
As for the whole tax thing ask a lawyer and your accountant and do what they say - I don't think she can use your income at all but then again I don't know the CS laws - but your lawyer will.
Good luck with your business - I to started my own company 2 years ago and it is finally taking off - I used all my money - but I am now starting to see a return. Luckily SS is 17 and we have 17 more months of CS to pay and then we are done - I would rather divorce my husband until SS graduates and get married again then let our BM use even one penny of my income to determine CS - so good luck with it all!!
No, she could have filed a
No, she could have filed a counter- motion, I do believe?
We have given all the
We have given all the paperwork to BM's lawyer. I am just not sure why we don't have her tax return. I am hoping DH brings that up to his lawyer. I am sure after my venting last night he will be when they meet next week. He goes to the mediator in two weeks for this. But, I am told she can do this again in a year if she likes up until SS is 18. So I don't want to ever file joint until that kid is out of the house. I have decided to file separate and take the hit.
CSE will send out a notice
CSE will send out a notice every three years asking CP if they want to modify CS, however, the CAN do it every year if they feel like it.
Our BM was taking H to court about every year until the last time when the court found her in Contempt and made her pay H $500. Now it's been almost three years. BM is making her last ditch effort to increase CS again (SD 18 in July. SS is 16) before the oldest is over 18. She will be in for a big shock because my H just lost his job yesterday AND was unemployed almost all of 2009 so the income on our tax return was very small.
Caregiver- See, this worries
Caregiver- See, this worries me as well as I have filed 1099's for a decade now and C/S is about to go up to the judge's bench in regards to DH and BM.
Yes, on the "delete" button as well. ( use it if need be)
I continue to be astonished
I continue to be astonished by BM's actually giving a shit about whatever activity their ex and new spouse are engaged in. Perhaps that's because if you ever divorced me I would pretty much believe you dropped off the face of the planet and want nothing at all to do with you...but that's just me. These situations make me crazy. I just posted something yesterday about alimony payments and if I get married to my now bf will BM be able to take ME to court for more money. Some people say no, some say it's a possibility but the idea is that she actually wants to go through all of this effort to make her ex husband and new SO as miserable as possible. It just sounds like an awful lot of work to me. Are you that bored with your life that you have to try to bury other people????
I am sorry this is happening to you and I am not a big fan of that phrase either. Yeah I know he was previously married but how the hell do I CONTROL falling in love with someone?? No you don't have to be with someone but you shouldn't run away because they had a previous situation. People who don't understand what you are going through are the only ones who ever say this and I have decided when someone says that to me I'm going to say...yeah and you know, I shouldn't have found the love of my life and married him despite the little things AND I should go back and time and change it don't you think?? - what a moron I am! Most people just shut up at that point...they have no clue.
"Motion to Produce" * make
"Motion to Produce" * make her and whomever do it as well.
I do know that I worked with
I do know that I worked with a girl who got married to a guy with a son and his ex wife tried to use my girlfriends income as part of the CS determination and the judge told her not to waste his time - that my girlfriend was not there the night the baby was made and that it is not her responsibility to pay for said child. That the Father and Mother are responsible not the people that they marry after they divorce. Now I am not sure how all the states determine this - that is why you need to talk to a lawyer.
Trust me we have definitely
Trust me we have definitely talked to lawyers. That is who requested all the information. Her lawyer. Our lawyer has countered asking for hers. That was months ago. I thought we had all of hers and then I realized yesterday that we don't have their tax returns but they have ours. Trust me I will ask DH to get hers for us to see.
We have already spent about $7500 so far trying to give up custody of SD. We were going to fight and sue for full but we were told that Dad's don't stand a chance in this county. Well, that was what she said she wanted and then her lawyer convinced her to go for full CS. So she is. She wants over $1500 a month and our lawyer says she is entitled to $76.00 a month. Personally I don't believe anything until it comes down from the judge.
This woman is in this for the money. She originally said she would put the money in trust for SD. Yeah!! sure. Because I assure DH will not help with college. He already said that before this all started. You have to live at home for him to help you. His daughter won't do that. She wants to go out of state. If she went to school here in GA, her tuition is paid for as long as you have a B average.
I don't have a choice on the tax returns. But, I will not be filing together until these kids are out of the house. At least 5 more years.