DH tries and tries with SD14 - vent....
Quick history - SD14 no longer lives with us, she wanted no rules and we couldn't win so DH gave custody to BM. Last month we won in court and BM gets no CS. In 9 months since SD left, DH has had minimal contact and one dinner with her.
She texted him on Saturday asking about her dog, which we have. You left, you are not taking the dog. First time she has ever asked about him. Found out yesterday, that BM got a puppy for their house. So not sure why she was asking other than the fact that her dog here is 4 years old and very easy to take care of.
DH texted her back and asked if she would like to meet for lunch and they could eat outside and he would bring the dog. They made a date but weren't specific on time. This is all via text. Well sunday comes and DH tries to reach her and calls her and she never responds. He was very hurt, but let it go. She texts him later in the evening and says she left her phone at a friends house. DH sent an email to her that he didn't buy it and if she got a better offer she should just tell him. She suggested next weekend, but we are getting booked fast and he told her he would see. Proud of him that he called her out on the BS. This girl never has her phone out of her hand.
Well SS12 comes home yesterday and we are talking and he tells me what he did on Sunday and I asked didn't your sister go? He says no Mom booked her a massage with some friends. I said who paid for that, he said mom. Well, I said that is too bad, since SD14 was going to have lunch with your dad and he was kind of hurt that he didn't hear from her. He says I know they talked about it at breakfast and they did the massage instead. BM didn't go. It was SD and a friend. Who does this? What kind of BM is this that she not only didn't encourage the relationship, she actually undermined it?
SS12 seems so used to this stuff with BM over indulging SD14. He gets little to no attention. So she finally does something with him and this is how she handles SD?
It is one thing to not encourage them to see each other, but it is a completely other thing to bribe the kid to do something better. Also, over indulgent BM, who gets a 14 year old a massage? Pedicure fine, but a massage, what the hell stress could this kid have?
I need to be talked down here. I so want to send BM an email. But, I can't since the final papers are still not signed on the No CS from the mediator.
Why does she do this??? Why not encourage SD to see her Dad?
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Comments
Personally a 14 year old
Personally a 14 year old doesn't even need a mani or pedi let alone a massage! That just sends the wrong mess to her. I'm kinda old school even though I'm not so old. I understand where you are coming from. The only thing is neither you nor your dh can do anything about it. I mean what can you do otehr then to call sd out on her crap. That is what I'd do, call her and tell her hat I know that she CHOOSE to blow of her dad. Of course I would make my dh do it.
I ask myself this same
I ask myself this same question sometimes. The only answers I can come up with are:
BM hates DH more than she loves her own kids
and
BM is not right in the head
At least DH saw it for what
At least DH saw it for what it was. I didn't even have to point it out. But, I definitely did clue him into what SS12 said. He looked at me and said can I tell you again how much I hate her. I always ask him not to say Hate. I said yes and I am really tired of BM's crap.
This one hurt him. So blatant of BM. The thing is she doesn't know we know obviously. I want to send an email and tell her off. Or even just ask why she doesn't want him to be in SD's life? But, I can't and yet again she gets away with her crap.
We didn't realize how much she hated DH until it was clear in mediation she was still upset over the finances of the divorce that she asked for five years ago.
What about the backlash to
What about the backlash to SS12 for telling you? He obviously trusted you, but if you let BM and SD14 know- he could suffer for it.
He won't. He doesn't know I
He won't. He doesn't know I told DH and I will not send anything to BM no matter how much I want to. This kid gets put in the middle all the time. We try really hard to minimize it. He likes to talk about what he did on his week there, so this was a normal conversation.
We are very careful to protect him, given the past and how BM doesn't.
Do you think that this has
Do you think that this has anything to do with over indulgence or the fact that SD7 does NOT want to see her dad anymore? (not that I care anymore but giving you guys an example.)
Note: This was posted in public and was to be planned on DH's "time." This also would make a total of 5 birthday parties for ONE child... :O
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"Hey guys, need some suggestions. I'm having a Tron Legacy party for my daughter whose 7 years old. She hasn't seen the movie and neither have I so I'm kinda lost. Any suggestions would be most helpful."
BM
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This is only one of about a million posts, just like this one. It is unreal and wtf does she get the money? C/S! MY money that I work for that USED to cover DH's ass. ( past tense)
SD14 initiated the
SD14 initiated the conversation via text. If she didn't want to see him, why did she say yes on Sat?