Went to court with BM for summer visitation
BM took DH to court to have a temporary order for THIS summer. She did not agree to us having SS5 for 30 days consecutively and only one weekend for her. BM proposed that DH have 3 differnet summer periods with SS. DH said no... Then BM wanted us to have SS5 for 2wks then go to her for 2wks and then come back to us for 2wks... DH again said no... We proposed we have 15days and she have him one wk then we have the following 15days. It took her forever and for her attorney to knock some sense into her and she agreed to that... we basically gave her 3 more days during her weekend...
How fast 500 dollars goes...
to boot BM txt DH later during the day and says that SS5 has dental appointment on one weekend we have SS5 for summer and SHE would pick him up and take him... but we told her we wont be in town and for her to schedule appointment before he comes or during her time...
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She did that on purpose
just get get some of that control she feels she lost back. She needs to reschedule, I would not give her another option. It is your visit it is up to you whether or not he goes with her.
Dental appt during DH's time. Sounds like level 1 PAS to me.
And ...... you and DH were far more willing to compromise than I would have been. Summer visitation chould be one contiguous block of time IMHO. That minimizes the back and forth behavioral drama for the kids and minimizes the adverse influence either parent can have on the other parents summer time with the kid(s).
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications)
Long stays with one parent
I see where you are coming from, especially if you never get any time with SS. It also depends on stuff like current visitation schedule, the distance between the two homes (same city? state?), and chid's age. Regardless, since it's for THIS summer, she should've tried discussing this with your DH long before summer started and plans were put into place.
I personally think if at all possible, it would be ideal to split 50/50, if both parents could compromise on activities such as sports, parties, vacations, etc. If my SS spent his whole summer with his BM and didn't see us at all, I just don't know if we could handle the PAS she would inflict on him as well as her encouraging his anger, hitting, spoiling, etc. He'd be worse than he was when I first met DH. Now, don't get me wrong, I would LOVE a SS-free summer where I didn't have to deal with his mood swings. But I know that's not what's best for him.
Speaking of visitation times, last week my therapist told me something interesting. I haven't seen this anywhere else, but from what I've heard from friends that have skids, this seems to be true.
I'm paraphrasing, but it seems that it's important that kids don't spend too long a time at one parent's house without seeing the other parent. 2 weeks is about how long it takes for a child to start feeling a little comfortable with the other parent. 4 weeks is just about right...the child feels a little more comfortable and used to the routine, but not too comfortable. 6 to 8 weeks is when the child really starts feeling like it's "home" and you might see his or her reluctance in coming back.
This can cause major problems when you don't stick to visitation and give the other parent a few extra weeks (6 instead of 4, for instance). It may only seem like 2 weeks, but those 2 weeks may make the child feel like the other parents home is their "new" home and they do not want to come back. And if the other parent loves to egg this on and try PAS, you're in for a bumpy road.