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Up & Down SS10

Jacyeo's picture

Submitted by Jacyeo on Tue, 11/19/2019 - 7:16am

I am a 40 year old woman with no kids, I have been with my boyfriend (39) 1 year. He has 2 bio kids SD4 and SS10. SS10 is really struggling with the situation. He says he is never happy anymore, he is rude to everyone, BM BS, me, grandparents and his Dad. He spends lots of time on his PS4 at BMs, and has no set bedtime. We have no games console and an 8.30pm bedtime. He is extremely jealous of mine and his Dads relationship, and we cannot hold hands, sit together, hug etc when he is present. 
Should we refrain from PDAs whilst he is here and focus on him, or will this make him worse? 
very new to this, any advice is gratefully received.

Comments

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Tue, 11/19/2019 - 7:30am

Don't refrain from PDA.  Honestly the kids needs to see what a healthy relationship is like.

To me, with the very limited informationj, it seems he's lacking structure... have your DH talk to BM about setting some universal rules, it may help more than they realize Smile

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 11/19/2019 - 7:40am

Kids need to see healthy relationships to be able to model later in life. Affection is one of the traits of a healthy relationship. I am not saying make out like 16 yr olds on the couch, but general snuggles, hugs and kisses hello and goodbye, a butt grab in the kitchen when your spouse walks by- those are all normal things. He needs to see that this is a normal relationship. 

It sounds like he does need some counseling to help with his emotions and while BM might not want to have things like bedtimes or structure, maybe a counselor's recommendations will help her realize that she isn't supposed to be the kid's friend- she is supposed to be his parent. 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 11/19/2019 - 11:35am

How long has your DH been divorced from BM?  It sounds like the boy is having some issues adjusting a bit.  

Definitely, he doesn't get to dictate whether you and your DH show affection to each other.

Consistent expectations are important.. but at least be consistent on your end.

Perhaps the boy would benefit from some counseling.

He also would benefit from his dad explaining his role is child in the household and that means he doesn't set rules... and that he is important.. but he is not in control of the household.