What went wrong??
Hello, I am a stepmomma, have been for 12 years. When I married my husband my stepdaughter was only 2 years old, and now almost 15.We have 2 other children 11yr old girl, and 4yr old boy. We have always had a very good relationship between her and I. And she has always been very close to her Dad. But recently things have changed so dramatically, its almost as if she despises the both of us. Doesn't want to be around us. We communicate well with her mother for the most part. All three of us usually try and work together to keep on the same page. Of course there are days, when we disagree, but we keep it between the parents. My SD also has a sister from her BM. We try to include her little sister in as many of our activities or family functions as possible. We see my SD daily, after school and usually most of the weekend. I am just confused. We try and try and try to talk with her, to let her know we will always be here for her no matter what, and all we get is one word answers, if that. We are fairly level headed open minded parents that are willing to listen to anything, we try and avoid raising our voices, and prefer to speak rationally to our children. Its strange, because when my SD has done something wrong or is acting like a teenager, my husband and I sit and talk with her, and her BM just starts screaming, calling her EVIL, HATEFUL, all sorts of things. So, I am so confused on how her BM is always the one she chooses to be with, even after treating her badly. I think sometimes we are too involved in her schooling and always reinforcing education, and she has to do her homework here everyday and once she gets home she's free. And also, on weekends we strive to do things as a family and I believe she likes to stay at her Moms because she has more freedom, since her Mom is still single and when she does her weekend thing my SD gets to stay home alone, or invite her friends over. So, lately we have been letting her know that her friends are welcome here as well, but I guess it's not the same for her.
Comments
Sounds to me like she's a
Sounds to me like she's a teenager.....they are supposed to hate you until they're about 20.
It sounds like typical
It sounds like typical teenage stuff to me (with the exception of the BM calling SD names). Teens love their 'alone' time. They become withdrawn and are trying to assert their independence. Family outings are 'kids stuff' to them anymore. Just stay aware of who she is hanging out with at school and make sure she doesn't get involved with the wrong crowd.
I agree. This is typical.
I agree. This is typical. Maybe try to give her a little more freedom or allow her to bring a friend on your outings, and let them go off for awhile. This is the time kids are suppose to start breaking free.
"I will not take responsibility, where I do not have authority." ~ MeanOleMe
Thankyou for your comment, I
Thankyou for your comment, I agree at times it is typical teenage syndrome. We have done the whole 9 yards with inviting friends along, allowing them to go off. Also, letting her do more things alone, such as football games, mall, movies, things of that nature. Her friends have stayed with us a couple of times over the past couple of weeks. I worry that one of her friends has no supervision whatsoever. She seems to be one of those kids who can come and go as they please. So, it really worries me when she is able to stay the night with that particular friend.Only because I have seen with my own eyes unlicensed drivers drop her off, different people picking her up at anytime, she doesn't live with either of her parents. Lives with her teenage sister and aunt when she likes. just worrysome:( The past few weeks my SD's grades are slipping drastically, and the more we seem to try and help her the more she just pushes us away. And she's also become angry and mean with the other children in both households. Moodiness is an understatement sometimes she is just down right vicious with words that she says or actions that she takes. Everyone is always tip toeing around her, to make sure they don't upset her. It's been a crazy change for everyone involved. I love her as my own daughter and always have since the moment I met her 12 years ago.I have always been on her side and now its so heartbreaking, because she makes it seem as though I am some evil stepmother. And her main thing lately is that her Dad and I have never been there, not as much as her mom. Well, I hope that she outgrows this phase, its very sad, and emotional. The more I try the more it doesn't work. I don't want to give up. I want her to know that I will always be here for her thru thick or thin. Anytime, day or night. She used to know that, and would call me at anytime to talk, cry, or ask me to go pick her up after fighting with her Mom. I'm just so sad, it feels like I'm losing her.
Being a teenager will do
Being a teenager will do that to a kid. Just have to find the right balance between talking to her about what's going on and giving her space. Its hard to master and you'll probably end up doing too much of one or the other.
Good luck. Remember when its tough, that its really nothing personal. Your SD's just going to be a moody, hormonal beyotch for a little while
Very typical! She's going to
Very typical! She's going to choose the place that equals more freedom. Teenagers are very self centered, don't take it personal. She is asserting her independence. Just try to balance it with family time and she should be okay
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
My 17 yr old SS is perty
My 17 yr old SS is perty much to himself.
He is not rude to any degree that I would complain about it.
But he is withholding with his life. It hurts a bit.
I know it's because I do parent him. (Like you do your children.)
I am trying to welcome the fact that he needs to make his own decisions. And be there for him when the mistakes happen, just as much as letting him own up to his choices.
Thankyou for your comment.
Thankyou for your comment. We are in that stage of letting her make her own decisions, rather than keeping on her to try and make the right decisions. Such as with her school grades that keep slipping. i try working with her every single day to make sure she has what she needs to get turned in, study with her, and yet she doesn't seem to care. So, I am deciding that she needs to become responsible for her actions on whether or not she does her work and decides to turn it in. I told her I can help her endlessly but if she doesn't put forth the effort, it all goes down the drain. All I know is that they should teach us how parenting only gets harder. It's hard being sad, and having an angry teen walking around the house ignoring everyone. But, I guess it's typical...so I hear. I don't remember ever being disrespectful or mean to my parents or siblings. Times have changed I guess.
she is ateenager...She is at
she is ateenager...She is at the age where they really don't want to do "family things" with "the family". She is ready to do her own thing with herself or with her friends.
She is probably feleing a bit smothered and this is normal. She stays at her mom's on the weekends because there isn't a "family thing" going on over there.
Give her some space she will come around on her own accord.
"And this too shall pass..."