I have a question for all!!!
If my BF disiplines my son better than he does his own daughter should I take this as he is picking at my son? His daughter does not live with us she comes every other weekend and every other day he picks her up fron school. So its not like he doesnt see her. but when he does if she has a bad grade or something he doesnt deal with the situation the same way he does with my son. How do I look at this? Please some advice
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ummmmmm
i have a ss12 he has lived here with us for going on 6 years.....bm passed this july do to her life style! i have never disiplined him no different then i have my other 2 birth children.....you tell your dh if you gonna dis. him for his actions then you do the same to her if not then dont let him dis. him any longer......his prescious daughter is no diff then your son just one lives there and the other dont its not fair and id make it known:)
thank you deew.001 I thought
thank you deew.001 I thought that i was just being a pain in the ass.
you just tell him that is he
you just tell him that is he cant dis. his bd the same as he does your son you let him deal with his brat and you deal with your son....to relationships are equal no matter if there are skids involved or not you do everything equal.....even dis.
He claims his reason for
He claims his reason for getting on my son harder is because he lives with my son and he wants at least one of the kids to do good... This made me LMAO with this excuse.
i think its probably just bc
your son is the one who lives w u, therefore he feels like a more full time parent and feels comfortable disciplining your son. also, are u good at disciplining your son? if so, he probably follows that lead and i would take it as a positive sign that he feels comfortable backing u up. for me, i feel my SS needs more discipline that my DH gives, not bc i want to make him miserable, but bc DH is very soft and is too leniant. yet i dont feel comfortable disciplining SS myself bc i dont want to be the bad guy since DH wont...u get what im saying?
im sure part of it too IS that he only sees his daughter PT and so he doesnt wanna spend it yelling and being mean...he wants her time w him to be enjoyable as much as possible. he also probably views BM as the full time parent and therefore thinks the responsibility falls on her.
not saying any of this is a good excuse, but just giving u potential reasons why.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
wow. thank you! this site
wow. thank you! this site really helps me to release some baggage that I have in trying to understand why he does these things.
youre most welcome!
i know that i always think DH acts the way he does for the worst possible reason! this site is great at getting others perspectives and seeing the other side of things. and sometimes, the reasons why arent as bad as we imagine!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I have a question regarding your kids
How old is your son and how old is his daughter?
There's a reason I ask. My DH is much harder on my son as well- about everything- grades, chores, etc. He lives with us FT and is 15.
His middle daughter,(the one who is causing the most problems in the family) lives with us 50% and is almost 17.
I used to get so upset about this, thinking he was very hard on MY KID, who was not causing any problems, yet was letting his "Princess" get away with everything!
Well, after a long heart-to-heart with DH, I know there's a reason for him acting this way:
*One, as Bellacita mentioned, he feels more comfortable with disciplining my son because he's with us all the time and my son responds well to him.
*Two, DH recognizes that becauses of his parenting mistakes and SDs age, she has learned some pretty bad habits that can't be broken. Also, she is becoming a miniature version of her BM, which complicates things quite a bit. At almost 17 yrs old, DH realizes that he has pretty much "lost the battle" with her and is just doing what he can until she goes off to college.
HOWEVER- he's much tougher on my son, because he knows, while at age 15, he can do a lot more effective parenting with him and (as goofy as it sounds) correct the mistakes he made with his own kid. Maybe this is the case with your DH?
Just a thought.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Both children are 9 years
Both children are 9 years old. One time there was a point when both his daughter and my son were punished for bringing home bad grades. Well one day my BF told me that he was going to ask his dad to pick up his daughter early so that she didnt have to go to aftercare and she can go to his dads and play with her cousins. now she is suppose to be punished. But i didnt say anything. I was thinking to myself ok im gonna do the same so I called a friend of mine and asked her to pick up my son so that he can play wit her son. Well when he found out that m son was staying to play I noticed that he had gotten mad. I knew what he was mad about but I kept it to myself.Anyway a couple of days later he brought it up and said why did I let my son go play and I told him what makes your daughter better than my son. He said he felt like his daughter was doing slightly better in school than my son. Now this part pisses me off so bad because His daughter has come home with notes from the teacher and bad grades. All my son does is bring home bad grades no notes! Now im not saying this is better but I rather my son come home with a bad grade than a note from the teacher saying hes disrespecting because I feel like I have taught him better than that. So now was this not suppose to bother me? Was it ok for his daughter to go play and not my son? did i go about it the wrong way?(by the way what does DH stand for?)
well, it could be the old "Guilt Parenting"
Sorry to say. Given the fact that both kids are the same age, as well as the other examples you recently gave, it might be time for a little "heart-to-heart" with your boyfriend (BF).
But do not be surprised if this does not go over well and he bristles BIG TIME at it- most parents do when it seem like you're criticizing them and their parenting skills (or lack thereof). So tread lightly when you have this conversation with him!
And, by the way, DH stands for "Dear Husband" (although when we're really angry at our spouses, I'm sure we want to use it as "DickHead"- sorry, guys) and I'm sorry I incorrectly used it when I was referring to your situation. I usually read the posts more carefully than that!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
I have talked to DH so many
I have talked to DH so many times and some things have changed but it seems like right when everything is going fine BM calls and gives him the guilt trip of starting another family and forgetting about his daughter. And im getting so tired of it.