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I'm Sorry but this drives me nuts.

Islamorada's picture

Submitted by Islamorada on Tue, 10/28/2008 - 1:10pm

Since the Bm thinks I'm being too "hostile" she has decided to only talk to my H the BF (she had been only talking to me because they couldn't get along) well I'm completly fine with him talking to her about their daughter. Honestly I like not having to deal with her crazy rants and manipulation. Then she told him that when we come to pick her up on our weekends that I had to sit in the car and not get out to try and minimize the hostility...well my H said no that I would get out and just wait at the car and he would go to the front door and meet her to get their daughter, becasue my skid would think it was weird that I was sitting in the car..cause I always get out and hug and greet her. So the BM agreed to this plan, and thats how weve been doing it...well this last weekend that we had her I made the mistake of answering my home phone when she called to talk to her daughter and she then called back and said that we should just have skid call her from now on...Just cause I answered my phone and I even made a point to be nice and short...not too chatty. Well now when the Bm talks to Bf she never says anything about me even when it is something that involves me and pretends like I don't even exist..and now it just seems like my H has started doing the same thing..I mean maybe he thinks if he pretends like I don't exist either than they won't fight. I mean I don't know if I should be bothered by this or happy that their getting along...its just now shes so sweet to him and it makes it look like it was all my fault why there was hostility between me and her cause now that I'm not in the picture their getting along so great. She is so manipulative. I just don't know what to do. I think shes doing this just to get under my skin.

Comments

melis070179's picture

Submitted by melis070179 on Tue, 10/28/2008 - 1:33pm

What happened that made things all the sudden get hostile between you guys? And how does your BF pretend you don't exist?

Islamorada's picture

Submitted by Islamorada on Wed, 10/29/2008 - 11:55am

My skid had soccer games every saturday that we took her too and the Bm is there (of course) and is team mom (of course) well I was at our car taking my skids kleets and shin guards off and putting some other shoes on and she approached the car and said "I can just take those kleets" and I said "Don't worry about it, I've already packed them away with some other stuff" Honeslty I was trying to be nice because she was caring a chair, cooler, and another bag...thought I was doing her a favor. Well then she said really abruptly "So what are yalls plans for today" we didn't have any so I told her "Well first things first we gotta go potty" because skid had to go pretty bad and so did I...and the way I was saying it I was kinda talking to both of them cause my skid responded with YES! And then after I said that I said we would go see the grandparents...then she said ok and left. When me and skid were in the bathroom she drove all the way over there to confront BF in the car as he was waiting on us to come out of the bathroom. And screamed and hollered about how she didn't know why I was so hostile, but that she is sick and tired of it...and on and on...till he just had to roll up the window of the car so she would go away. So yes this was the big crazy hostile moment that brought this new attitude that I'm public enemy number one. I really don't even know what the big deal was that made this blow up, but thats just her. Oh and lately (since I have been Public Enemey #1) when my husband is on the phone with her if we are somewhere togther like eating dinner or just got back from somewhere..He just makes the comments "I" just got back from dinner and "I" was here or there. No more We's...and this is a new thing since I became the most hated:) Which I think I might just be looking to deep into his actions, but I guess I just know thats what shes going for. Like being nicer to him than she has ever been since the divorce, so it looks like I was the one causing all the prior issues. I wouldn't put it past her as she tried to convince me for so long that he was a peice of crap husband and father, might as well try it the other way around since that angle wasn't working. Just kinda perturbed.

melis070179's picture

Submitted by melis070179 on Wed, 10/29/2008 - 1:46pm

I would ask your hubby to stop using I terms instead of we terms like you don't exist because it bothers you. Is he supportive of you or one of those that doesn't stand up to the BM? Ya'll should be a united front, if she treats one of you like shit, then you should both treat her like shit. Don't let her get away with acting all nice to your hubby & crappy to you. It should be get along with both of you or neither of you!

Trustworthy's picture

Submitted by Trustworthy (not verified) on Tue, 10/28/2008 - 2:22pm

You have every right to be wary of this. It looks to me like she is wedging herself between you and your husband. Now that she knows he will do what she wants, her demands may become even more deranged. It is much easier for women to manipulate the men in their lives (especially ex husbands)without the other woman calling their bluff. He doesn't want to watch her antics when she is unhappy, so he gives in. WRONG MOVE!! You have every right to be where you want, when you want. You also have every right to answer your own phone. Stand together firmly now, or you guys will be dealing with bigger issues down the road. I have been there with stuff like this. If she is being "sweet," it is only momentary and only because she got her way. You can rest assured she will return to her normal mood (or worse) if she is told no. The good news is that if you take care of being firm now, she will learn that she cannot manipulate you. Ex wives are alot like petulant children. They know suckers when they see them and have NO guilt about their manipulations. Good luck!!

bewitched's picture

Submitted by bewitched on Wed, 10/29/2008 - 12:03pm

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

My sister married a man who was divorced from her former "friend". This so-called "friend" had an affair with my sis' first husband...so you can tell immediately that this woman is trouble.

Well, my sis went to her SD's ballgame (her husband was driving truck and on the road at the time). His ex was also there. Sat two rows behind my sis. As my sis was leaving the game after it was over, she said people were giving her funny looks. So she ran her hand thru her hair..only to find a sucker stuck in it. Placed there so loving and obviously by her H's ex. She laughs about it now (years later). but it sure wasn't amusing at the time!

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 10/29/2008 - 12:46pm

When my SS's SpermFamily start that crap I just get insulting and start using really big words with them.

I usually start my sentences with something along the lines of "You usually have difficulty conceptualizing or comprehending basic conversation so you may want to shut up so you don't miss any of the significant elements that we will be conversing about"

Petty I know but it usually shuts them up until we can say what we need to say. When they start ranting when we are done we just play the "when you can calm down and consverse as an adult call us back CLICK" card.

I would not allow BM to contain your interface with your SD. That relationship is between you and the young lady not the XWBM.

It sounds to me that your DH is being pretty supportive of you during all of this so I would let him know that you will answer the phone in your home and you will approach your SD when and how you feel is appropriate. If BH is going to be petty and manipulative about it then let her be and idiot. If she bitches about it ...... TOUGH SHIT!

I would follow the same perspective if it was a BP having problems with an SP.

Is someone is being an idiot treat them like an idiot. It really is a lot of fun! Ha!

Just my thoughts of course.

Good luck and best regards,