Drug dealer
So today, my SS15 got busted at school with drugs. He’s dealing Oxy and pot.
At the very least, he’s getting expelled.
I would probably feel more about it, if I were a little bit surprised. But after meeting him only a couple times, I told my BF, “If he lives long enough, he’s going to prison.”
And even now, his dad won’t listen to what he is.
They (SS15 and his Dad) just got back from meeting with BM. I guess his big punishment is he’s losing his laptop indefinitely. Which is unacceptable, apparently. Kid comes into the house screaming about how his Dad is a dumb motherfucker. So I said, “Ya, you only committed multiple felonies. No big deal.” And he went off on me, yelling and screaming at me. Among other things, he told me I’m not his mom. I said that if I were, he wouldn’t act the way he does. Then he threatened to kill me.
This is insane.
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Comments
That would be a BIG NOPE if
That would be a BIG NOPE if someone threatened me. I'd be out of there.
What did his dad do? That’s
What did his dad do? That’s horrible! I’m sorry I have no advice other than taking a break until dad gets that situation handled!
Response
His dad got between us to diffuse, and now we’re talking about what to do. About all of it.
If he came home after being caught dealing drugs and
screaming and i told him to shut it because there are other people at home and he’s causing a disturbance and he told me to shut up i’m not his mum, yeah i’d tell him that none of my kids would ever become drug dealers like him and if he threatened to kill i’d call the cops.
even if it was made without thinking, and out of anger, he made a serious threat to harm someone in their home and needs to know that isn’t ok.. this kid needs a good kick up the arse metaphorically speaking
No legal charges? No
No legal charges? No probation even?
Next time he threatens to kill you call the police. His parents are enabling him and so is the school. He should be in juvenile detention or at least threatened with it.
Charges
It just happened (well, he was just caught) yesterday. So there’s no telling what a legal case is going to look like. But he’s a juvenile and drugs are becoming more and more acceptable (even legally) there’s a chance not much will be done to him, legally. And he knows it.
Perhaps with pot, but there
Perhaps with pot, but there is a serious crackdown on opiates in most places. I hope they nail his ass for that oxy.
Not opioids. He at least
Not opioids. He at least should be on some sort of juvenile probation.
I would NOT, under ANY
I would NOT, under ANY circumstances, live with someone like that.
I agree with tog, call the police. His parents are enabling him... and I am willing to bet trying to gaslight you into believing "it's no big deal".
This "kid" will keep getting worse and worse - pretty soon he will be slinging much stronger than oxy and pot at much larger quantities. Nope the F outta there girl.
Yup parents believe its no big deal
but someone could have overdosed or had an allergic reaction and rushed to hospital. What will they say then? Well its the persons fault, they chose to consume it?? Yeah and your kid was the effin scum idiot that sold it!!
I agree with others, I’d call
I agree with others, I’d call the cops & either have him removed from the house or remove myself until I knew he was gone. All the locks would be changed & I’d have a doorbell camera installed, at minimum.
Death threats need to be taken seriously. If DH tried to downplay it I’d be considering my options to get rid of him too. That kid should be in juvi.
"Kid comes into the house
"Kid comes into the house screaming about how his Dad is a dumb motherfucker"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My DH would have made SS regret that comment the MOMENT it came out of his mouth. Scares me to think what would have happened if SS ever talked to my DH like that. lol
"Then he threatened to kill me"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Again...my DH would have made SS regret that comment the moment it came out of his mouth.
You have a serious DH problem. What did DH do? Anything?
Not nothing
He’s not doing nothing, but he’s not doing enough.
Well... I'd have some kind of
Well... I'd have some kind of protective order out there. That's a BIG nope. That child would NOT be under our roof. Period. The End.
You know he's dealing, therefore on the drugs. Any "threats" he makes should be taken seriously. It's really time for your DH to choose. You and your safety, or to continue to enable his son.
Personally as a parent I'd be teching him a life lesson and checking his a$$ into Juvie somehow... I mena multiple felonies means this kid HAS to have some kind of court date. Right?
Pot may be "no big deal" and
Pot may be "no big deal" and even be legal in many places.. but dealing prescription drugs isn't legal or accepted.
But you're smart right? You already know this. You also know that his parent's history of saving him from consequences and permisiveness have brought him to this place.
My DH's cousin has a boy (now an adult) that one might call incorigable. But, she has her own hand in how he turned out. Yes his dad was a POS and genetic tendencies will play into this but every time this guy got in trouble.. mommy and grandma paid up for big lawyers and got him out of things. For the most part, he was able to escape consequences as a teen/youth... but then as an adult, the locality legal system picked up on him being a problem child and he ended up with a long line of charges.. escalating as he went along.. including all sorts of drug charges.. even evading arrest and assault on a police officer..and he even was party to one of his friends dying in his mother's living room (OD).
Yet... mommy and grandma kept him lawyered up and with the exception of one or two times.. he escaped any jail time.
And.. now as an adult.. after they get him out of his scrapes.. mommy takes him out for celebratory drinks.. because alcohol is exactly what an addict needs right?
Right now he is a fugitive.
This is what your BF is looking at down the pike... This is what you are looking at if you stay. You know your BF and his EX can't help themselves.. they will use every spare resource to save their child (enable him really). This will mean your household will constantly be embroiled in drama and financial strains.. not to mention the risk that your SS or one of his malignant friends (or enemies) could cause collateral damage to you and others in your home.
Honestly.. I would be out of there NOW.
Death threats would probably
Death threats would probably be the impetus for me to leave. Between this little felon and the other skids, it sounds like your life is chaos and misery, you're surrounded by assholes, and now you need to watch your back on top of that. I personally would be done, unless there are a whole lot of positives to the situation that you just don't post about.
OMG. I don't even know what I
OMG. I don't even know what I would do in your shoes.
I would probably honestly demand he live with us full time. Our house would become jail. I would have my dad (ex army ranger) be there any time that we weren't. I would strip his room of everything but a mattress on the floor with a sheet and single blanket. He would have one pair of jeans, one tshirt, 2 pairs of underwear, 1 pair of socks and one pair of PJ's. He can do laundry nightly. He would be doing labor chores- Gutter clean outs, for not just us but for the whole F'ing neighborhood for free. Gumballs in my yard- Not anymore. Floorboards scrubbed. And anything else I could think of. I would rotate with my parents and DH and I staying at home once a week to supervise. If he didn't do what we said- Gone - I would turn him over to the magistrate, or the police or something. He would be in jail!!!
Call the cops and have him
Call the cops and have him arrested for threatening you. Tell them, even though it happened earlier, that you "can't stop feeling afraid."
After ss34 got out of 3 1/2
After ss34 got out of 3 1/2 years of juvie he moved in with Dh. DH eventually had to evict him with police escort for violence. Even though ss34 was 6” taller, 30 years younger and weighed 50 pounds more, DH was not afraid of him.
DH served in army special forces and was trained to kill people with his bare hands. He said he was seriously concerned that he might kill ss while trying to defend himself so he turned the situation over to the police. Smart move.
I did not know DH then. When I met him he and ss were still estranged.
Me too
That’s where I’m at. I won’t go into my training and experience, but I know I can defend myself. That said, I don’t want to. I shouldn’t have to think that about that, in my home, where it’s supposed to be safe.
Update
BF called the deputy who is handling SS15’s case. Deputy is really helpful, actually helping coordinate services and such. She said the DA is fast tracking the drug case, but it’s too soon to know whether an inpatient facility, like a group home or something, he is on the table here. But she did put BF in touch with some counselors who specialize in criminal kids. So at least we’re not waiting forever to get working on this problem. I will be out of town for the next three weeks for work, and SS15 may well be gone by time I get back. If he’s not, I’ll have some decisions to make then.