Hello everyone. I'm new to this site as a user. As a lurker, I've been reading this board religiously for almost 6 years. So I'm well aware of what you all deal with on a daily basis and I'm so sorry. BUT.....

I don't understand why some people here let the potential reaction of others affect how they run their daily life. For example, I see things like " If I try to do xyz, BM will have a fit". Or "I don't want to do xyz but I have to otherwise I have to deal with my DH/BF/SO's attitude." Or the inlaws, the neighbors, yours friends, the dog, etc... Insert person here.

I interpret that as these people have you trained to respond in a certain way when it should be the opposite. So what if they get mad. Ignore them! If they threaten to tell the kids their demented version of facts, let them. They use their anger and threats to get you to back down and accept the madness. DON'T LET THEM. They also count on the fact that you care about what's being said to the kids. While its bad practice to bad mouth the other parent, it's more than okay to defend yourself against stupid and false accusations. They kids will believe what they want to regardless but don't let them view you as a doormat who will just roll over and keep taking it. Kids don't respect that. You can't shield what other people say to them about you but don't leave them with those thoughts of you unaddressed.

As said over and over, you can't control how people will respond but you can control YOUR own reactions. You have a voice and you need to use it. So BM will have a fit? Let her. Inlaws gossip about you? So? Obviously these people don't care about your well being so why should you care what they say? Your neighbors, family, or friends judge you? Do they pay your bills? Then so what. You have to practice letting what they think roll off your back like water off of a duck.

A loose example: my ds2 is a screamer. If he doesn't get his way, he will bust your ear drums. Going in public can be annoying sometimes if he's in that kind of mood. If I say no, here comes a fit. But as a parent, I can't back down from this. I cannot allow my son to think that because I'm so worried about what others may think, I will allow him to do whatever to avoid him making a scene. Passing a toy store at the mall once, he had a huge meltdown. I kept moving because 1. He didn't need one and 2. I'm not trying to teach him that screaming and having a fit will get you want you want. One lady threatened me, said I was cruel and that the cops should be called on me. I laughed and asked if she wanted to use my phone to call. I'm not scared. I didn't do anything besides parent my child. Now my friend has a son close in age and she's terrified of what people may think of her. So she let's her son walk all over her. He. Is. A. Terror. She gives in to him every time but then complains about his behavior. Duhhh.....

Maybe I'm just more of a " don't give two f@&$!" kind of person, but there's no way I can allow anyone to dictate my behavior, my life, or what happens in my home. It doesn't solve everything but it feels so much better to demand respect for yourself. If you don't demand that other people respect you, why would they?

I just get sad when I read certain blogs. I feel like you shouldn't have to live that way. But the only thing that will change the dynamic is you insisting on having your voice heard, and not backing down when you KNOW you're being used or belittled or downright ignored.
Love this place, btw
**backing away and hoping for the best, lol**