Wow, some days I just don't understand anything.

SS (18) out of the blue sent me a text the other day that was friendly and joking. This occurred after three straight weeks of sneering, angry, vitriol. Example: at dinner one night two weeks ago we are discussing his job possibilities when he finishes firefighter school. (All dinnertime conversations are completely about him, his days at school or work, and how awful all other drivers are, how someone was such a bitch to him, which amazingly seems to happen to every woman who has contact with him.) He tells me that firefighters in ____ county start at $75,000. "Wow," I say, "That's a really good starting salary." "Are you saying we don't deserve it?" he sneers. Never have I said anything but positive and encouraging things about firefighters and firefighter school. (turns out, of course, that they start at about $30,000, but he doesn't believe my information, because how could the ______ county website be more accurate than his friend's info? God, we Old People know nothing! How do we survive from day to day?)

Therapist suggested he may have Oppositional Defiant Disorder, so I looked it up, and the descriptions are unbelievably accurate. Trouble is, his Dad has learned to deal with this but I don't think his Mom ever has--and unfortunately, this has affected his relationships with all women. Also, he's 18 now and 6'3", and throwing a tantrum every time he doesn't like something is no longer an option for dealing with the world. Well, let me modify that---not exactly a tantrum: his usual MO is to simply leave the room when he gets angry, or do things in secret that are destructive, and there is plenty of threats of violence. Annoying when you're 5 or 10, but totally unacceptable in an adult. DH doesn't get it because DH is 5'10" and outweighs him by 60 lbs. (SS is pretty skinny), and as his father has never had a reason to be afraid, but I don't often feel comfortable.

Need to continue this another day; have to finish taking care of things this afternoon.