Why is it so hard....
To clean up basic messes? I get SD has been waited on by BM and GBM her whole life, but she's 12 now and should be smart enough to see basic messes! Our home does not provide maid service!
I have been letting her use my laptop since I hardly use it and she has online homework. She also uses it for Netflix/ Hulu because she doesn't have a TV in her room. Fine. I get on my laptop to file an online form and BAM! There is some streak (I don't know what) across more than half of the screen, smack, dead center! She obviously ignored it before closing the laptop to put it back on her desk.
I thought for a split second to grab the windex and clean it off right away, but it has probably been here for days anyway, so why can't SD clean it? I sent her text as follows: "You need to clean off whatever crap you got on the laptop screen with windex and a paper towel. We can't have nice things if they aren't kept nice."
I also sent DH a picture and told him to make sure it's taken care of! That crap drives me nucking futs! The other day, I come into her room and her small trash bin is FLOODING with cups, yogurt containers, etc. I told DH to fix that crap, too! She waits until the last minute to let us know she has no clothes to wear, leaves hair all over the bathroom, and has to be reminded to shower and put her leftover food away or throw it!
I am leaving this up to DH because I know she won't ignore him, but damn! How old does one have to be to assume basic responsibility without being TOLD to do it like a damn 6 year old? It's only been a month with us 50/50 so I know it'll get better, but I figured I'd vent in the mean time.
- I love dogs's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Consequences and repetition
Consequences and repetition are the key words here.
My SD20 was a horrible slob when she lived with us, but that was a losing battle for me because DH was so afraid to upset her by parenting, that he wouldn't address things like overflowing garbage, mounds of dirty clothes, unwrapped tampons, burn marks in the carpet, dirty dishes and empty wrappers strewn all over the floor.
I, however will NOT allow our BS8 to be like that. But alas, he is an 8 year old boy and while he is responsible for the most part, will put wrappers and things in the garbage, will put dirty dishes in the sink, will put toys away (because it has been drilled into his head since he could walk) He has a bad habit of changing his clothes and leaving his dirty clothes or pajamas in a pile on the floor. I finally got tired of reminding him and told him that the next time I see clothes on the floor that he owes me a dollar. Money is his currency.. he does NOT like to part with it. So he has gotten much better about it since then.
Start giving her consistant and stiff consequences for her actions and/or inactions that she has been told about .1.2 trillion times.
Luckily, my SD does not live
Luckily, my SD does not live with us and rarely stays the night. But she has plenty of disgusting habits that still drive me insane when she's around! The worst is when she eats something like Cheezits for example, which leave a cheesy dust all over your fingers and doesn't wash her hands afterwards. Sometimes she will even lick the dust off her fingers and STILL not wash her hands. This grosses me out more than anything and makes me not want to let her use any of my things, like remote controls, blankets, pillows, etc. It also makes me wonder if she washes her hands after using the bathroom. She is ELEVEN, this should not even be an issue! I finally brought it up to my SO last weekend and he was actually offended because I told him how disgusting I think it is, as if I was calling SD disgusting. Please.
The worst part about it is that I had to fight just to get SO to stop giving her snacks while playing games, so that she would stop getting grossness all over the game pieces. Apparently SO and SD don't think it applies to other things, as well??
And you can always count on her to leave her dishes and trash lying around. She won't pick it up unless the trash can or kitchen sink is right in front of her. Not to mention, she physically can't eat or drink something without making a mess but SO always cleans it up for her. I've gotten to the point that I just go to my bedroom and read for the majority of the time that she's there because I can't stand it and I'm tired of SO not saying anything. I've told him that she needs to learn to respect our home and our things, because if she ever does need to come stay with us I will not stand for it and I am done being the one to tell her.
Sorry, I didn't mean to highjack your post. End rant.
It's not that H is afraid to
It's not that H is afraid to discipline SD, it's that he doesn't notice anything! In all fairness, he's never used my laptop, so he'd never know if I didn't say anything.
As opposed to you, iamwoman, SD uses the "I know" response (as if she knew she was supposed to throw her trash, etc). My post about her doing her own laundry a couple weeks back made me kick it into high gear and realize that this girl needs guidance!
She will be in college at barely 17 and wants to move away where she "doesn't know ANYBODY". I told her that's great and all, but if you can't take a shower without being told or wash your dirty undies, life is gonna be real hard hundreds of miles away from home!
Does your husband agree with
Does your husband agree with you? If so, and you're both on the same page, this is such an easy fix. You simply, consistently, enforce her picking up, cleaning up whatever. Every single time. No big production. No need to involve your husband. This is so so so normal for kids her age. They will 100% get away with what they can and conform when they can't. Now if your husband isn't on the same page...well then goid luck lol. Sorry but it really does take the two of you to just firmly and without drama create the rules and atmosphere in your home. Overall she sounds like a good/normal kid. Its frustrating but (i know it sounds cliche) if that's the worst you go through with her you are lucky by pretty much anybody's standards. Good luck. Stay strong and keep at it. It will work out.
I agree completely and he's
I agree completely and he's on the same page. He tried to throw her pizza leftover on the table from the night before and I told him NOPE, that's SD's trash. He left it and SD cleaned it up. Easy. Her friend was over so she won't argue then. She never argues with DH and she knows excuses are useless.
She really is a good kid so I don't know why BM can't handle her. I think she argues with BM every chance she gets because BM has taught her that's ok. I hope she is with us full-time soon so we can mold her into a productive, independent human being.