BM going no contact with DH
After picking SD up yesterday, she told me that she has a dentist appointment on Thursday and that BM will pick her up from school and take her and that she is starting an improv class on Sunday. I told her to tell DH and of course, he has heard none of it.
I guess DH's unwillingness to speak about custody with BM out of meditation/ court also means that she can't give him information about SD's appointments and classes she signed her up for on his time. He is finally meeting with the attorney on the 6th and I think he should text BM and state that SD has told him these things as proof of lack of coparenting on her part.
What is the best proof on his end for proving that BM has basically gone 'no contact' with him and is making SD the messenger in all of this?
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Comments
I agree that he should email
I agree that he should email or text her as you said. Her lack of a reply should be a kind evidence and if she replies then she might say something that proves she is not keeping him updated and is using the kid.
BM isn't stupid and usually
BM isn't stupid and usually goes by a CYA strategy so I don't know why she's not on top of it. When this happened 2 weeks ago, DH texted her and asked about an orthodontist appointment. She responded so I don't know why it's so hard to tell him.
I think she doesn't think he was serious about taking her back to court.
They need to communicate. Not
They need to communicate. Not sure how old your SD is, but my bios HATED being "monkey in the middle" to relay info. And often times the info was not communicated correctly, which then led to more issues. A simple text or email, in my opinion is the way to go.
Thank you, I'll tell him it's
Thank you, I'll tell him it's best for documentation purposes. SD is definitely the kind to miscommunicate information.
Sd is 13, right? She is old
Sd is 13, right? She is old enough to know when her appointments and activities take place. I was thrilled when the skids were old enough to do this and the result was far fewer communications between Succubus and my DH. The skids also learned out to keep track of their own schedules (sort of... It was always last minute when they remembered). SD is old enough to be the "messenger" on these matters.
Now, the courts may care if bm is sending, "pay me my money!!!" messages or wants SD to relay information about lawyers and custody or anything else that is inappropriate. But I doubt they will care that the teen is telling dad when her dental visit is rather than bm.
Beebeel, the funny thing is
Beebeel, the funny thing is that she texted DH last week when she brought SD to our house to get her art supplies from our porch and can make sure that her car gets worked on but can't tell him about an appointment that she is going to try to take SD to after school on his time? Me thinks she just likes playing games.
Of course she does. I'm just
Of course she does. I'm just saying that games like these rarely move judges to change custody.
All he wants is 50% like they
All he wants is 50% like they've been doing for over 5 months. He will go for full if BM gives him too much pushback and hope that the attorney can mold it into alienation/ pathogenic parenting/ malicious mother syndrome.
My guess would be BM doesn't
My guess would be BM doesn't feel she must give Dad a heads up about appointment/classes et that she schedules on Dad's time because legally, there is no filed court records indicting this week is Dad's time.
To communicate and confer (you know like grown adult having to parent the same child between two homes/schedules) would indicate (document) BM really believes this week is the father's time instead of her just being such a great MOTY who generously decided to 'share' her daughter with Daddy for some extra time this week.
That and she's p*ssed at him because for once he didn't cave to her demand and do things the way she insisted. He was summoned to race over and out off the table , bend over backward, er, I mean 'negotiate' on her terms an he said 'sure we can talk , but we're going to in a meaningful legal environment'. How dare he.
The woman has no problem letting Dad have parenting time 50/50 as long as she can still yank it away when it suits her, control the minute details of SD and be the 100% parent in charge.... so she can still collect CS.
I do agree with that under normal circumstances (unfortunately the 50/50 isn't 'official') that letting a kid this age tell Dad about appointments is something she is old enough to do. Seriously, does it matter if SD has a dentist appointment Thursday? Not really, but he should know ahead of time so he can be sure the child has transportation sorted out and the like. School has started now and there is only so much allotments to fit a kid in Mon-Fri and once a treatment pan is set it's pretty routine. SD has very likely had this appointment made as she left the office on her last appointment. Maybe Dad could request SD text him after her appointments and let him know when the next appointment was made for? No, he probably shouldn't have to, but if he wants to be knowledgeable and participate in the know, a simple, 'hey sweetie, did everything go ok? When is the next appointment'? wouldn't be a stretch. He could jot it on your calender.
Most parents have some kind of a medical/dental split in cost and so must let the other parent in on treatment plans and what's what, but as since BM is paying herself or with her insurance, why IMO I feel she should consult and include Dad (they have joint legal decision making, don't they?) she likely feels her kid, her insurance/money, none of Dad's business. She likes the control act of being 'I am the Mommy, you are the CS payer.
The Sunday thing is a bit different. If the legal order was 50/50 and exchange set at Monday mornings, BM would have no business signing kid up on a Sunday afternoon that was scheduled as Dad's parenting time unless Dad agreed to it. Thus exactly why BM doesn't want to do a legal order on the new parenting time arrangement.
The woman has no problem
If this isn't the truth, I don't know what is. It's not even about the money. BM having all of the control is the issue and with the $450 going out every month on top of 50/50, DH doesn't have much left for extracurriculars and such. And my job didn't go to full-time so I signed up for a certificate program that ends next spring and I'll get to bond with baby.
DH did briefly consult with the attorney and the attorney believes that almost 6 months with week on/ week off as the status quo and BM allowing much more time than COed (we have it documented) that should really help DH with getting AT LEAST 50%. He's always has 50% legal but BM still has always done everything without consulting him because he didn't originally have custody during the week with SD so why not, right?
I think BM didn't think DH was serious about going back to court when they last spoke a few weeks ago. She has always had the upper hand when they were pro se and the attorney told him that he had been (legally) screwed but without representation, DH didn't know he could've had a bigger voice in the proceedings from almost 5 years ago. BM provides Medicaid for SD and medical costs were never outlined, just that DH has 50% legal say but BM still does as she pleases.