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Fed Up Adult Step Parent

I am nothing to them's picture

I think I have PTSD from having adult step kids, and step grandchildren. I have been a step parent to 3 girls for almost 40 years. I always tried to treat them the same as my bio step children. When raising them we had them every other weekends. I drove 200 miles one way to get them each weekend, then my husband and I would take them home on Sunday.We paid child support though we did get behind at times but always got caught up. We were 3 weeks behind one month because we bought school supplies and a few out fits to help out. When we went on vacation they went with us or we didn't go. If we bought for one we bought for all. Yet, when you hear them tell the story, we didn't do anything for them and do everything for my bio children. They still cant get over that we did not buy 50.00 basketball shoes and a homecoming dress when they were young (that was the 80s). My bio children suffered because we could not do anything for them if we could not do for the others. They lie, manipulate, are verbally abusive, and have turned the grandchildren against us. They have withheld them from us and said we didn't want anything to do with them. They go on smear campaigns on social media. They have not been to our home for at least 5 years. Yet, they keep up with us on facebook then come after openly on facebook if we have bragged about one of the bio grands who include us in their life. Then they start repeatedly message venomous texts and messages telling us how worthless we are. My husband has a bad heart which caused him to retire. At one point the doctors were talking heart transplant. When the steps found out about it they bombarded him with messages. The messages was telling him how bad of parents we had been. They referred to him as a sperm donor. I have a bio grandkids getting married and suddenly one of the steps is planning the whole wedding for her. My daughter who use to say she did not like her suddenly became best friends with her. Anyway, I have been waiting for the outburst that she is going to throw and it finally happened this weekend with her and her kids. Then smear campaigns on facebook about how their poor children are neglected and we don't love them. It actually started with her daughter because I bragged on a girl who has called me grandma since she was little. She posted PinkOut night pictures of the two of us and said how she loved me and that this was our last year walking together. So I reposted her post and that was when I bragged on her. This girl texted me apologizing because she thought her post had caused me problems. I had no idea what she was talking about. So I went to see what was being said, and that was when I seen them bad mouthing me. It is funny because one has me blocked and she always unblocks me long enough to badmouth me. I didn't even finish reading what they said. Then we started getting texts that were addressed to both of us. I did not open them. Then the step daughter started messaging us on messenger. You know what it said? Me neither. I didn't open it. My husband did and started having chest pain. The pain would subside and we would get another message then his chest pain would start over  again. I knew in my heart what was being said because the story never changes, They say how I am worthless and he is nothing more than a sperm donor (just a sample). When they contact us I get sick to my stomach and almost puke. I start shaking and get tearful. This time I have had a headache for 2 days. I do not know how to get them to stop. IBut one thing I know is this, I am done with a capital D-O-N-E done. Our mental and physical health is worth more than this. I feel for our grandchildren because they are living in the lie that these girls have created for them to live in to alienate them from us. They are true narcasists and ai am tired of the mental and verbal abuse. What can we do? 

Comments

Winterglow's picture

You should have blocked them absolutely everywhere years ago so do it NOW! The less you know about them, the less they can cause you stress. There's nothing that you can do or say that will ever change who or what they are so stop trying. 

What they're doing with the texts and messages can probably get you a restraining order against them. Consult a lawyer to see what else can be done - their smear campaigns are designed to cause pain and are a tissue of lies. Sue their arses off and hang them out to dry.

ESMOD's picture

Sounds like social media is a big part of this.  I would probably go into your settings.. and block them on everything.. or.. delete social media period... maybe set up a "fake" profile to quietly see other people's stuff.  

People write narratives in their head.. trying to blame others for their situation.. little you can do but ignore.

Spend your energy on people "in person".. that you know and cherish.

CastleJJ's picture

You have to block them. The only reason they do it is because they know you're watching. And you reading it isn't helping with your mental health or maintaining peace.

I have a mentally ill Aunt. She has bipolar disorder but claims she was misdiagnosed. My grandparents gave her the world growing up. After she was well into adulthood, they cut her off financially, the narrative changed. She started a smear campaign on FB about how abusive they were, how they did nothing for her, etc. At one point, she even accused my Grandpa of sexual assault to try to extort money. It had to go through court proceedings and everything only to be unfounded (which we all knew). We cut all contact with her. It's been almost 20 years and she is still smearing us all across FB. She lives in 100% victim mentality. The difference is, we all have her blocked everywhere, so we don't know about it. We only know when we hear about it from others. 

Think about how sad and pathetic it is for skids to live in a lie for the rest of their lives and that they have nothing better to do than spread it on FB. Block them, cut ties, and move on, thoroughly enjoying your life. 

AgedOut's picture

Please, for your husband's health, block them. Really, if they get mad that you block them how much worse could they act? 

Sometimes you just have to close that door. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Hit those shitty people where it hurts.Block them. Trust me they love to hurt you.

Blessings

ETA change your user name flip the script hun. "They are nothing to me"

Instantly that takes your power back.

Its time to heal

 

MorningMia's picture

For much less, I have blocked my skids from seeing anything of mine on social media and I do not have their crap in my feeds. I have pretty much ZERO contact with them via phone--text or calls--again, for much less than the chaos, drama, and abuse you describe. Like others have said, block them. You don't need to offer an explanation. Just do it. The peace you will feel will be amazing! 

PetSpoiler's picture

Block them on all social media, phones, any devices, and smoke signals.  If you can get a restraining order, then do it.  If there is ANY legal action you can take, take it.  You and your husband do not need this with his bad heart.  Your kids should block them too if they will.  If your kids choose to be in contact with them, they need some hard boundaries.  Your names should not even be mentioned in skids company.  

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Let peace reign in your house. These folks have created, bought and sold their own narrative to themselves. I was also so very very good as a stepparent and tehy have a very different narrative that they told themselves so many times that they now believe. I use to combat the lies with facts - but it fell on deaf ears. It's time for you to focus on YOU and for your husband to focus on his health and for you two to put you two as the priority. This doesn't sound like it will ever be healthy but you can be healthy, that's the only power you have. 

I continue to strengthen my social media settings - so I don't see anything they post and after a big cry fest this year over my very HAPPY social media content I have limited their ability to see what I write. This is 100% what you should do.

CLove's picture

For your husbands sake and your sake, block them on social media. Dont read those texts except to gather info for a restraining order. Get your wills and trust docs in order also. All the legal and financials possible.

YOUR bios absolutely need to hear the truth - give it to them full force. They are drinking the kool aide because they think once you and DH are gone, thats they family. Ive seen it and lived it.

SD25 Feral Forger sais the same thing to HER father. "You abandoned me, you left me for theat wh@re of a wife, you are just the sperm donor good for money and not much else." He still helped her - moved her twice from 300 miles away and gave her $400 dollars. This was before the wh@re of a wife comment...now after the latest money grab attempt, shes blocked the family and him and gone radio silent.

Your husband does not benefit from reading those texts. He must block them.

Merry's picture

I am sorry you have terrible adult skids too.

Mine are passive aggressive, not outright hateful. It's not much better though. DH still hurts.

They've rewritten history and believe their own lies. You can't combat that. Agree that blocking them will help with peace at your house. 
 

Harry's picture

I hope it helps out newly Sp.   that if SK start to disrespect you. It will continue for the rest of time.   So don't let disrespectful SK control your life.  Your bio kids gave up things for what ?   To have theee mother bad mouth by SK 

Lillywy00's picture

I think I have PTSD from having adult step kids, and step grandchildren
 

Shit I did too when I was living with a delusional entitled Disneyland dad, dealing with his conniving breeder, and equally conniving bratty clingy needy children every weekend every holiday. 
 

I drove 200 miles one way to get them each weekend, then my husband and I would take them home on Sunday

You a good one. I hope he compensated you VERY well

for this. 
 

What can we do? 

Aside from staying active in grand kids lives to prove them wrong not much. They will reap what they sow eventually 

greyskies's picture

Second the PTSD.  I hear ya. 

Echoing the others -- block them and be done with them.  Takers wanna take.  You sadly can't make people care at the end of the day.  You sound like you did an excellent job with what you were handed, and they ought to be ashamed of themselves.  Lots of people aren't happy with the decisions THEY made in life, nor happy with themselves, so they look for scapegoats left and right, rather than change literally anything about themselves or the situation.  Let them be victims.  Own your truth.  You know how much you cared, tried, attempted.  They are hurting and impacting your health, don't let them waste another second of your wonderful lives worrying about them, as much as possible.