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HI DH!! Thought I'd send you a message on here since you have been reading my blogs...

hismineandours's picture

Sooo just found out this morning my dh has been reading my blogs. I have gone back and deleted some of them-will get to the rest later. Thought about changing my user name-then thought what the heck I've got nothing to hide! If he wants to listen into our conversations maybe he will learn something.

I do hope he understands how violated I feel. I have always been open and willing to discuss our family situation with him. I try very hard to be honest with him and have literally spent years trying to talk to him about how he can make things better. So any information he has found on here-He could have gotten it directly from me. I have asked numerous times to go to family therapy, couples therapy to work on these issues-it's sad that he would feel the need to come here to "spy" on me when I am more than open to the idea of discussing my thoughts and feelings with him anytime.

Ironically, enough this comes on the heels of us having some arguments about privacy. He feels it is ok to have a locked shed on our property that he will not allow me to go in unless he's present. Why? Who knows? He tells me he has personal items in there and he doesnt want me riffling through his things-I guess it is ok to riffle through someone's computer and read what they say to others it's just not ok to riffle through someones belongings.

So, dh, just thought this might be a convenient way for us to communicate in the future. Feel free to respond!

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

He feels it is ok to have a locked shed on our property that he will not allow me to go in unless he's present.

Um.. is your DH a serial killer? This is rather creepy... maybe I just read too many ax murderer type books, but really??? Who does this???

hismineandours's picture

Evidently it is perfectly normal Daizy and I am the bizarre one for thinking there is anything strange about it. He offered to go with me to look in the shed-just doesnt want me in there alone?

misscinna's picture

Wtf could possibly be in that shed u need not see besides dead girls? Seriously? I thought you were married, alllll of "his" things are "ours"

Ommy's picture

Well hello hismineandours' husband. I am sorry that you feel the need to read her posts. I assure you that the only reason any of us come on here is for support when we dont get it at home. This site is a wonderful tool for us SM's and we use it to vent and get advice. Feel feel to read other blogs and open your eyes. My FDH does and he has really realized that he has messed up in several ways. It has made us stronger. Yes you may be mad at her for posting, but cant you blame her...when was the last time you asked her how she felt, what she wanted out of life. Have you ever sat her down and started out a conversation about your kids wanting to hear what she feels and sees? Try it...

planningMyEscape's picture

Ah, the shed thing does remind me of Dexter!! That is a little (or a lot) strange.

And to the hubby of yours, (if he reads this), I just want to say:
SUPPORT your wife!! She is obviously trying to do what is best for your family to survive. Being a stepparent is HARD enough, but when you don't have a supportive spouse, it is nearly impossible. She clearly is willing to work to help your family survive and be happy, so back her up!! Smile

And let her in the damn shed, creep-o!!!!

majka's picture

Yup, thats why I only get on at work. Your DH is creepy with the shed thing... if it was MY husband, he had better hurry home tonight because I would be in that shed.

Unfreakingreal's picture

I like the idea of using bolt cutters on the shed like NOW and getting to the bottom whatever the fuck is in there that he doesn't feel you should see. I get the whole "this is my space" thing, but that's extreme. How many years have you been with this man again? And your curiosity over what could be in there hasn't kept you up at night? Why am I getting shivers up my spine? I am envisioning a dark, stormy night with you creeping to the shed in your pj's and finding a bag full of wallets, purses and ID's from all his victims. EEwwww....

Ommy's picture

havent you ever seen a horror movie. The person who goes out to investigate in their pj's when it is storming always gets caught and killed. Just like the brunette that goes back to save the blonde, just run...

imthewife's picture

Two words...

Bolt Cutter...

My property, my marriage, my business.........

Grow up DH!

skylarksms's picture

Too bad jackasses like this can't put as much work into being a good husband and father as they put into spying on their WIFE!

DeeDeeTX's picture

Because bottom line, your ex, and it sounds like this guy too, didn't want to solve the problem, they just wanted things to continue as they are and for you to accept it/shut up about it/not hold it against them.

Am I right?

spunkiedolittle's picture

are you married to my mom's xh??? seriously he was JUST like that.

imo, you are a resident of the property, he cannot legaly stop you from entering that shed, and honestly just because he doen'st want you in there, would make me break the lock and entre' and sort JUST TO PISS him off

you don't want to burn it down cause he might have a safe full of 10's of g's of cash in there (my step dad did)

that would be a freaking deal breaker for me end of story

and off of dorothy's note-if he doesnt' want her in shed, he shouldn't have snuck on here-imo, he OWES it to her to show her what he's obviously hiding in there ESPECIALLY now

beyond pissed-off's picture

"There is always money in the banana stand!" Thank you Arrested Development.

(Father would always say that. Family though he meant the business would provide for them but they thought he was delusional. Then it burned and he freaked out. Turns out he meant IN the banana stand. The walls were stuffed with cash!!!)

Madam Hedgehog's picture

I agree. That is beyond weird. Would you be mad if it was porn? Do you think that's a possibility? I don't really have a porn policy, but DH doesn't seem to be into porn anyway. In previous relationships, I actually dated a porn addict, and the only reason that was truly upsetting was because he neglected me in order to spend more time with his "collection". EEK.

Anyway, the only other thing I can think is that your H is keeping momentos from A) previous girlfriend, or Dirol from his previous "family" life with BM, or C) dead girls.

I guess he could have KKK stuff in there???

Really, I'd do what someone else already suggested and invest in a good pair of bolt cutters. If that's too brash (or confrontations) then put a lock on your closet, or better, an entire room in the house, tell him you have person "stuff" in there and see how he likes it.

If he wanted to be really snarky--which he totally deserves--you could buy a bigger nicer shed while he's out (at work, with friends, whatever) and put it in the back yard, pack some stuff into it (or make it into a skid-free haven with tv, dvd player, mini fridge and microwave) and then put a lock on it.

OR (this is getting fun for me)
Get a camcorder so you have evidence and cut the lock off. DONT GO IN. Replace the lock with a new one that only you have the key to. Then see how long it takes him to say something about it. WHEN he does ask about it, tell him that he doesn't REALLY need anything he can't tell you about (you're married) so if he wants to keep it then it might as well be locked away where it won't interfere with your marriage.

oh yeah, and PLEASE update us on what you decide to do. I'm totally invested now.

spunkiedolittle's picture

^^^^^ like like like!!!!^^^^
maybe he'll register and put his 2 cents in.......hahaha

spunkiedolittle's picture

i know, but i had to ask, cause if it is him...............this could get interesting

bi's picture

i think the reason he's snooping is because if he snoops, he can accuse you of talking about his kids behind his back, spreading personal family business with strangers, whatever he pulls out of his ass to accuse you of, and then he can really drive home what a bad person you are. but if he listens to what you try to talk to him about, then he's accountable to either do something or ignore you. he doesn't want to do anything about it, and ignoring you would make him partially if not fully responsible for the issues you are trying to resolve. it's so much easier to just read what you say on here and make you out to be awful for it. then he gets to not do anything and still not be responsible. jackass.

beyond pissed-off's picture

Why do I have visions of the storage unit scene in Silence of the Lambs????? *shiver*

Auteur's picture

I *love* the "one way street" notion of it all. . . rules for THEE (SM) but not for ME (DH, BM, skids).

Sad thing is if our relationships truly WERE two way streets, then we wouldn't have to come on here and vent in the first place. SM is just supposed to suck it up and keep smiling while the rest of the "clan/first family" rides roughshod over her.

hismineandours's picture

There's nothing on here that should be a surprise to him. I've been coming here for years and he has been aware of it. As far as I know he's never peeked before and really hasnt had that much interest in what i am writing about on here. My delivery here is probably a little harsher (it is a venting site and all)but it is not really things I wouldnt say to his face.

The shed thing. The plot thickens-do you all want to know what he is doing today? Cleaning out the damn shed. Rented a truck and is taking all the crap over to his dad's storage unit/workshop. When I asked why-he said that he has been planning on taking all his tools and such over there for awhile (he has indeed). He said while he had the truck and a helper (his friend) he was also going to clean some stuff out of the garage which i've wanted him to do for about 10 years or so. I was in the shed on Saturday-did not see anything too fascinating. Tools. Wood. Crap. I did consider several options-help me out here, dh if I forget any of them-
Porn-I dont really care if he looks at porn-I dont want him looking at it 24/7 of course-but once in awhile is not really a concern of mine. So to me it does not make sense that he'd be looking at porn in the shed. He is home alone all day-so if he wants to look at porn he can do so in the comfort of his own home.
Drugs-I dont think so. My dh has had his battles with substance abuse-I am pretty on top of this kind of stuff and I just dont know even what kind of drugs he'd be doing in the shed? Again, he is home alone all day-he can do drugs in the house if he really wanted to.
I guess he could be meeting a woman in the shed? But once again, he has the house with bed available to him all day long.

I have considered the possibility that it is his "man cave". The house, property,and shed of course are all in My name. Dh's name is not on the deed-so no, he defintiely doesnt have the "right" to keep me out of there. However, it is his little workshop area with his tools and such and I truly have no interest in going there. He has said that he thinks of the shed as "his" area. There really is nothing of mine in there. He did say he had no problem letting me look in there-he just wanted to go with me as he felt uncomfortable with me going thru his personal items. I am not even sure what he's talking about as I 've gone thru his personal items before-we've been together for 12 years. He had a few pics of bm during their brief one year or so relationship-I saw them long ago and they dont concern me-she is no threat to me at all. I know he has various memorabilia from Iraq, high school, etc again most of which i've seen before and dont have any particular interest in.

So, yeah, I really have no idea what the deal with the shed is. I guess it will become my woman cave though after dh cleans it out! Dh if you are reading can you please tell us what the deal is with the shed?

buckeye mommy's picture

If it's just wood things it could be like my DH's shed. He doesn't want me in there rummaging around cause he thinks I'll lose some tool or something. BUT, he doesn't care if I do go in there by myself. He'd just prefer me not to I guess.

As far as snooping on the blogs, I'm sorry if you feel that your privacy has been invaded. I hated losing the place to get out frustrations when MY DH found out I blogged here. It sucks when you feel like this is the only place where someone will understand you; but not feel comfortable posting in case its seen by the wrong people.

Jsmom's picture

My husband was like this with the attic when I moved in. Finally went up myself and honestly just crap up there that he would rather I not bitch about getting rid of...We have a shed too that has a lock on it, that he never thought I needed to go in. Went in there and threw most of his shit out...Sorry I am not keeping crap. Everytime they do a charity pick up I go and take two or three boxes out and put it at the curb. Could care less, if he wanted it or needed it he would find a place for it...

To your DH - Stop snooping here, you may not like what you hear....

Anonymous_stepmom's picture

Well there is really no use in deleting anything if he's already read it, and there is no use in changing your user name since he will just find out who you are again anyways. That is a major violation of your privacy, you come here to vent and for advise because maybe you don't feel you can talk to him or maybe you feel he doesn't understand. Shame on him for invading your safe haven.

hismineandours's picture

i dont think that he read ALL my blogs-I think he saw my most recent one. So I deleted them because I tried to talk to him at the time they were occurring-if he wasnt interested then he shouldnt be now. If he has any questions I'd be happy to answer and discuss. I dont think I will be changing my user name. He is free to look at my new blogs if he likes. Basically I use them as a sort of journal-detailing conversations and events that have happened and identifying my feelings and reflections on these things. I liked going back and reading them to identify if there had been any progress or if a problem had been ongoing for a long time. Guess I will start fresh with all that.