So I've had way too much time on my hands today, as work has been put aside for Halloween decorating in the office.

Anyway, DW posted a topic earlier about gift giving between exes, and it really got me thinking about how weird my parents' relationship is. It also made me think that that's why I worry so much about BM, even when (thank goodness) there doesn't seem to be any reason for me to worry about her. I cannot talk to my mother about BM. She has said to me (when I tried to bring up my insecurities about BM), "Helena, once a man and a woman have a child together, there is a special bond between them that can never be broken. A little piece of your heart will always belong to that person, because you share something together that no one else does. Part of me will always love your father, and I know that part of him will always love me." Good Lord mom, do you really think that makes me feel any better? I know that she's projecting her own experience on to me without any real consideration of the differences, but man that was a blow. She also says things like, "You got the best years of your father." You know, she used to tell me that before, and it made me uncomfortable but I just shrugged it off. Now that I'm dating someone with kids, I find it hurtful and offensive.

Some background: My parents divorced when I was 8, so that's a good 15 years of divorce. They are still incredibly friendly--too friendly. I never had a problem with their divorce, as I was always around plenty of family and it was made clear to me that everyone still loved me just the same. When I was 10 my dad knocked up some whack-job, but thankfully got full custody of the boy. Very soon after that my dad (with my brother) decided to relocate and clean up his life, so he took a position in the Middle East. He married a liberal Muslim woman out there and they now have twin girls (5 years old). I've met my dad's wife, and she's such a nice lady. She completely adopted my brother as her own. My dad, though, actually works in one country and his wife and kids live in a neighboring one, so he only sees them a few times a month. My mother dates a lot, but she has never remarried. Anyway, getting too far off topic, my mother and father still say I love you to one another. They hug when they see each other (granted, it's not often). My mother even went out to visit the country my dad lives in and stayed at his house. I tried to explain to her how WEIRD that was and how wrong it seems. She doesn't get it. I tried to talk to my dad about it too. He says "If I wanted to do something with another woman, there's plenty of opportunities. I don't need to do that with your mother." UGH! I don't want to talk to his wife (sorry, I've only met her a couple times so I have a hard time thinking of her as my stepmother) about it, because ultimately she wouldn't leave him if she felt wronged anyway--it's still too culturally taboo for her to consider divorce, plus she'd have the kids and an American's salary to lose.

I talk to my BF/FDH about it. He thinks they're totally inappropriate, and he assures me that most exhusbands/wives do not have relationships like that. I know it's true, but sometimes in my weaker moments I get those creeping worries when I think about my parents and then think about my BF/FDH and BM. I wish I could have the support of my own mother in this situation. It's funny, because sometimes when I talk to her about the kids her knee-jerk response is, "The kids come first. I always put my daughter first." And then I have to remind her--"Umm, yea, you're talking to her."

Sorry for the rant. I'm just frustrated because we had lunch today and it was on my mind. Whew. I feel better now.