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So pissed off

HeatherM's picture

Submitted by HeatherM on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 9:00am

I'm really just pissed off and feel the need to vent on here. Even if there is no responses I feel better getting it out. SS9 is 40 pounds over weight. According to a doctor if he was of average size as an adult and this trend continued he would currently weight 296 pounds. Out of the 4 parents (BM/BF/SM/SF) I'm the only one who does any research on his food consumption (Binging and hoarding), as well as his Aspergers. Everyone else just lives in Lala land about everything. DH doesn't want to deal with anything because its "not dire", "too much to handle", "too much to think about"... BM doesn't do anything because it simply doesn't fit into her schedule..but she's incorportated Organic foods...like that's going to help anything... so anyways... last night there was a note in SS's agenda that he owes $4 for Girl Guide cookies to the school. I asked DH what cookies? And he said "Last week I found an empty box of Girl guide cookies in his backpack".. I said "What? Why don't I know this?"...long story short he turns the whole conversation around on me.. (passive aggressive) saying that I'm accusing him of 'hiding' things from me...but the reality (in his opinion) is that he just 'chose not to tell me'.. so anyways.. I said "Fine...I'm out... I am no longer getting involved in any of this stuff. If you guys are not concerned at all for his future..then why should I be.. ignorance is bliss afterall"... I also pointed out to him that it may not be 'Dire' now... but it will be if we continue to ignore it. Kids with Aspergers often his a major depression when they're teenagers, and he already has no self esteem... if he continues this way he'll be 100 pounds over weight by the time he's 16..and then what? I'd rather be proactive than reactive..but hey I guess that's just me. It's so hard to disengage from this though because I think it's so neglectful as a parent. Yes it's not a great thing to deal with, it's not easy, it's stressful, but it's your friggen job!

Comments

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 9:03am

I agree. It is frustrating. I find things that I think should be important to the parents and they find to be no big deal. You can just watch the train going towards the wall and there is nothing anyone will do.

wanted_five's picture

Submitted by wanted_five on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 9:25am

I have a 13 year old son with Asperger's and the thing to do is to get the kid on board! My son was chubby... perhaps 20 pounds overweight at the beginning of 6th grade. I talked to him and his doctor talked to him and well... you know the Asperger's tendency for obsessions? My son is now fit and trim in the 7th grade and lifts weights every day! lol Of course, as with all things Asperger's, you have to watch to make sure the obsession doesn't go overboard but truly when I gave him the tools for weight loss and exercise and HE became interested, he made it happen. I'd be happy to show you before and after pics. Send me a message if you're interested!

HeatherM's picture

Submitted by HeatherM on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 9:32am

It's nice to hear from another Aspie Parent! You know, I had him doing Pillates with me, as this is something he was enjoying... but one of the problems is, he won't do it without me. So I'm often travelling for work, or busy with the other kids..and don't get around to it unless I escape to the gym. The other problem is I could do it all week, and as soon as he goes to Mom's everything is forgotten! Tres frustrating..but very nice to hear a positive story from you. This is what I hope for my SS that he feels good about himself by the time he's a teen. I think another one of the difficulties I face is that I'm not his mother... and so I have very little say in what he's doing... but I'm going to share this story with DH.. hopefully it will give him some ideas.. Thanks!

stepmomNM's picture

Submitted by stepmomNM on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 9:26am

My ss9 is 165 pounds. It makes me sick! He is overeating dailey. My husband does Nothing! He thinks he over eats due to feeling abandond by his loser mother. Who by the way left my husband 5 years ago for another woman. She is in and out of rehab and says she has regrets leaving HER family, What a joke! She left 5 years ago. I want to tell her to come get HER family. All of them!!! Anyway the boy is having health problems (asthma and chest pain) He is going to a specialist and I can't wait until they tell my husband it's cuz he is OVERWEIGHT!!!

happymostly's picture

Submitted by happymostly on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 9:41am

9 years old and 165 lbs?! Good lord. He is going to have some major problems when he gets older...

Itiswhatitis's picture

Submitted by Itiswhatitis on Thu, 04/07/2011 - 10:07am

Don't you love it when they turn the conversation around and say you are accusing them of hiding things? When did simple communication get lost??? seriously I expect to be told what goes on, and if somethings not mentioned and I find out later about it, I say the same damn thing, why didnt you tell me? Can't you communicate here?
I know its not what is best for your SS for you to turn your head (you feel like someone must help him and step in and do something), But if his parents are not on board with helping him too, then really its going to be a lost battle.
Too much to think about, too much to handle? Yes parenting requires alot of thought and handling alot of bullshit at times, I wonder why he signed up to be a parent then, its not all roses.
Good Luck!