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Alienating your Child

HeatherM's picture

Submitted by HeatherM on Wed, 09/15/2010 - 9:59am

I know that 'taste' is 'taste'..and that we all have different opinions, but I struggle with this. So, my SS 8.5 is not a popular kid, not that he needs to be...but he's not, and given his personality would probably like to be. He is chastized because he's Angel overweight (b) Has warts on his hands (c) Has buck teeth (d) Doesn't want to participate in any of the games the boys are playing at recess, etc etc. I feel bad for the kid, but feel it's my duty as a parent (step or not) to help him to 'fit' in. NOT to change him, or who he is, but to help him fit in with the rest of his peers. Although I would agree that it's sad, the harsh reality of our society is that you dress like your peers, do activities like your peers etc... especially at 8 years old where 'individuality' isn't always widely accepted. Now let me preface this by saying that I support who my SS is. I want to enrol him in tap dancing, and drama classes because that is what really interests him, I'm not talking about enrolling him in Hockey like the majority of his friends... I just mean getting him interested in stuff. Ok..so I digressed...but anyways... almost every school year I buy SS his new lunch kit, and back pack, and back to school clothes. BM does not have a lot of money. This year she asked if she could buy the lunch kit and back pack which was fine with me! It's her child! And I know having a son of my own that I like doing these things for my kid. So anyways, a bit of background... BM seems to want her son to be like Alex P.Keaton off of Family Ties... she always dresses him in a tie for school pictures, and has him saying (already) that he is going to Harvard. She's very much about 'outside' appearances and would like it to look like she's influential...which she is not... that in itself disturbs me as Angel I think it puts too much pressure on my SS and (b) they are acting like they are not proud of themselves. Ok...so SS show's up the other day with his new lunch kit and back pack...except that the lunchkit looks like a laptop, and the backpack is a 'murse'...(Male purse) and not a backpack. He is 8... I think to myself..wow..here we go alienating our child again! Anyways... I'm just rambling...because I think it's wrong...

Comments

distorted reality's picture

Submitted by distorted reality on Wed, 09/15/2010 - 10:10am

Geez.... why doesn't she just tape a 'kick me' sign on his back??? I'm all for kids being individuals and am totally against this childish kind of 'cliquish' society we have become. MUST HAVE EVERYTHING just to fit in. Makes me want to :sick:, I digress.... I think it's important for him to be doing activities that HE is interested in. Helping him to fit in while maintaining his individuality will be hard but, it can be done. His BM pushing him to what SHE wants isn't going to work long term. Eventually all that pushing will have a negative impact on him. Hope it all works out for you and most especially for HIM.

Best wishes. Smile

IsabellaAguilera's picture

Submitted by IsabellaAguilera on Wed, 09/15/2010 - 10:22am

well, i got to be honest. (not that i'd do it) but if i did that to my 8 year old, he'd love it, wear it, and carry it with him every where. 8 year olds don't give a hooty patootie about that stuff. my 12 year old? YES! not the 8 year old. he'll push back at mom later. don't worry. it will wear off. when he throws a fit because he wants another one midyear....you can smile cuz you saw it coming.

as for the tie thing...it's picture day!!! if she can still get him to wear a tie one day to school still, don't worry about it! she won't be able to pull that one off much longer!

wriggsy's picture

Submitted by wriggsy on Wed, 09/15/2010 - 2:42pm

On the subject of enrolling him in tap and drama. If you enroll him in something he loves doing...you will see your young man gain some serious self esteem! I always find it admirable for a young person to go against the grain and do something they want to do instead of following the crowd. My daughter had to deal with a little of this as she wants (so badly) to be individual. She loved karate and was really good at it for her age--competition level. But, all her friends were playing soccer and kinda made her feel like she was "weird" for being in karate. Daughter had self esteem that came from being in karate. She was able to get out on the floor in a packed auditorium and perform. Personally, I would have puked! I was so proud of her being able to find it in herself to do that!

I also think that if you take the lead on getting him into something he likes that much, that will be something that he remembers. And it will mean something to him!