Hygiene — this shouldn’t be a problem, right?
The summer has been going well so far. No more good in the room (I suspect DH finally found the right sensitive spot by taking away gym visits with BM). SS13 is here pretty much all day, but is in his room, so we rarely see him. Still, I'm keeping track of how long until school starts. Only two more weeks with us.
However, I started to notice something. At night, SS goes upstairs, brushes his teeth and then goes to his room. I usually go up right after him to take out my contacts before joining DH to watch tv. I started to notice he wasn't going into the bathroom (right next to our bedroom door). Thinking it odd, I went in his bathroom and took notice of where his two brushes are. Checked three days later -- same position. Exactly.
I brought it up to DH and he said he was wondering the same thing. He said he had already asked SS and he said of course he was brushing. But he doubted it and then with my input and info, he's convinced SS is lying.
Just gross. He's 13 not 3. DH shouldn't have to stand there and watch him brush twice a day!
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He said he had already asked
These kids be lying
Not saying that to be mean but they all do it to get adults off their backs about chores, hygiene, etc
Yes I'd stand there and lay eyes on them doing it until they gets tired of being micromanaged.
I had to do this with my bio about washing her face she had horrible acne and tried lying about washing her face so I started making her show me the proof she'd wash her face till she got tired of being micromanaged
As far as teeth are concerned
I told my bio "look here little Lilly jr ... you can lie all you want to but those dentists and those X-rays will have the truth and if they catch you with cavities then YOU pay for those filings with your money"
Hit them where it hurts ... in their chore money / allowance wallets!!!
Once their behavior starts affecting them/their pockets ... oh best believe they will turn it around
***if positive reinforcement hasn't worked then unfortunately gotta resort to age appropriate consequences/negative reinforcement to change the behavior
When DH asked my opinion, I
When DH asked my opinion, I told him I'd tell him:
OK. Well, I hope you're telling the truth. Because you have a dental appointment in a couple of months and they'll be able to tell whether or not you are. If you're lying, they'll know and you will be in a world of trouble -- starting with paying for any fillings or extra work.
We'll see. But he's definitely not brushing.
That's pretty much on trend for him. He stops lying about one thing and switches to something else.
Skids are nasty...
My formerSO's kid wouldn't brush his teeth either. Also, he wouldn't use toilet paper. So he'd poo and then take a bath. Marinating in in poo water. Of course then he'd go into the kitchen and use his fingers to get some peanut butter.
Bleh. So glad I left that behind and never looked back. I couldn't trust any food that was open.
OMG Flashbacks!
My xSS wouldn't brush his teeth either! His last year of high school I gave up, and when he got kicked out at 18 after failing to get his drivers license & enroll in community college, it had been a year and a half since I'd had to replace his toothpaste... and the tube in his bathroom was 3/4 full.
At least he used toilet paper and showered though!
Marinating in in poo water
Nothing is more influential
Nothing is more influential to a teenager than fear of public opinion. "Well SS, no girl is going to want to date you if you have yellow, plaque filled teeth and nasty breath." It would be even more effective if a peer called him out on nasty breath. He would never not brush again.
I would agree. Except on BM
I would agree. Except on BM weeks he reeks of litter box (to eye-watering levels) and doesn't seem to notice or care. If his friends haven't called him out, not sure they would on his breath. He's also been chewing a lot of gum.
He’s 13
2 to 3 years and you will have no say in SS life, It's DH the BF job to parent his kid. He doesn't care. You can't do more then the BP. Accept the fact that SS is lying. And it's his teeth. In 3 years
DH cares very much and he's
DH cares very much and he's addressing it. The frequent lying and refusal to follow basic rules or common sense drives him nuts and he gets not help from BM. As long as SS is happy and not mad at her, she's ok.
My skids are gross too. SD10
My skids are gross too. SD10 especially. They go days without any shower or brushing of teeth. Then the night before they go back to BM's SOMETIMES SD will want a bath. This annoys me because after she drains the water.. on the bottom of the bath has a film of her 4 days of no shower filth. It's gross. I scrub it clean afterwards of course, but it's annoying.
Oh and she insists on growing out her hair long, but doesn't brush or wash it. When she does wash it she uses soooo much conditioner that it leaves clumps on my tiles, refuses to use a hair dryer and goes to bed with dripping wet hair, soaking my linen with her wet head, and the next day wears it out and unbrushed with her ends all tattered. Like wtf is the point of that?! Anyway, she thinks I'm a snob because I have standards in hygiene. BM is a pig aswell so it's a lost battle and I now just use her unhygienic laziness habits as an example of NOT what to do for my 3 year old.
When Spawn was living with us
When Spawn was living with us we took her to the dentist regularly and made sure we took her to the doctors for updates on vaccines and if she was sick. She moved out to live with her maternal grandmother when she was 16 ½ and starting her senior year. Towards the end of her senior year I got a phone call from the dentist to confirm her appt for several cavity fills and a root canal. I was stunned, she must not have been brushing her teeth at all. The last check up she had was over the summer when she was still living with us and had no issues. I know she started smoking pot and vaping and doing who knows what else once she moved out, but it was just shocking to see how quickly that happened. These kids think they are Teflon and don’t think about how their lack of actions have consequences.
Disclosing Tablets!
Stop tolerating the lies. When you or SO ask about SS brushing his teeth, hand him a disclosing tablet to chew up. It will die any paque bright florescent Red. Then call him the liars that he is and send him to brush and floss until there is not a single trace of dye. It will take potentially hours to get all of the dye off of their teeth because every molecule of plaque has to be removed to get rid of the dye.
Disclosing Tablets _ There are several brands available. Here is an example.
https://www.net32.com/ec/trace-disclosing-tablets-250-d-45427?vid=20811&...
We had the hygiene issue with SS though he was manic about showering and brushing. For some reason he stunk like wet stinky dog any time he "supposedly" showered.
We would send him back to shower again. Sometimes several times to no avail. Wet dog was his odor.
Finally he came downstairs for dinner one evening. He was in his late teens. He had just showred and just reeked to high heaven.
I told him to get his butt upstairs, put on his bathing suit, and meet me in his bathroom. I had him shawer under my hairy eyeball.
First he washed his hair, then his body. Just like he had been trained to do a decade + before. It was all I could do not to bust a gut laughing my ass off as he showered.
He still reeked like wet dog. Why one may ask? He would take his shampoo bottle, hold it over his head, turn it upside down squeeze, then lather and rinse. Then he would grab his body wash bottle, put it in a scrub puff, lather up and wash his body.
He got so mad when I called him wet dog man again. After some irritation on his part I told him to grab his shampoo bottle, squeeze some in his hand and show it to me. Surprise. The bottle of shampoo was empty. The look on his face was classic and I did a full belly ROFLMAO at the look on his face when he realized he had not actually shampood his hair in who knows how long.
When he needed body wash, shampoo, toothpaste he would write it on the kitchen shopping list sheet on the refrigerator. DW had not bought him shampoo in ages because he never wrote it on the list.
I reminded him that what he had just experienced is why he was shown to put the shampoo in his hand then lather it into his hair. He never ran out of body wash because he saw it lather up when he washed. When the bottle was getting low, he knew it and would put it on the list. Same with toothpaste.
His mom and I still will occassionally give him shit about the squeeze the empty shampoo bottle on his head learning event.
Never again has his head smelled like wet dog.
He is exceptionally cleanliness and appearance conscious.