Where do I even start my story?
I dont know where to begin. Bm declared bankruptcy after dh and I married forcing him to take over the marital home, her truck he cosigned on, the 5th wheel she insisted on before the divorce and all the credit cards. If he didn't take it on the banks could sue him for the money and garnish his wages. Bm got off scott free and dh was forced to move into the house because he couldn't afford 2 house payments. Dh is broke. Like broke broke broke. He has 3 kids and between the debt bm saddled him with during their marriage and her forcing him to assume after dh has no money. After living apart for 6 months I caved and moved to dhs house with him. My girls are upset they had to change schools and his kids constantly say this is their house. He tried to sell it but he is upside down. He can't rent it for the amount he needs to cover the mortgage. He is (was, i will explain) with that house and the debt.
In december i surprised dh and my girls with a trip to Disney world. I saved for 8 months to afford it. I did not include dhs kids because they are horrible brats and would ruin our trip. I wanted just some time with my family enjoying Disney. Somehow one of dhs kids overheard me (or someonw told them, I never talked about the trip when they were there)saying we were waking the kids up and surprising them with the trip so bm called us asking where we were. We were 2 hours into our trip and dh got upset that his kids thought they were coming and were crying. He stopped at Mcdonalds and told me to go he would call someone to come get him and drive him home. He refused to go on the trip even though I begged him. I left him there and dh had his parents come get him. But wait!! Why not pick his kids up and spoil them with a disney trip too? Paid for by dhs parents wouldn't you have guessed. They act like my kids don't exist and his kids are gods. Dh and I didn't talk till i got back because we were pissed at each other. Me because he bailed on us and him because I refused to let him book a last minute trip to disney for his kids on our joint credit card. I had no idea they were at Disney which is good because I wouldn't want to see his kids and bad because i would have loved to do disney with dh. I guess only dhs kids get that privilage.
Last month dh decided he couldn't do this anymore and declared chapter 7 bankruptcy. He is letting everything go including the house so we have to move, which is good. The bad is my car which is almost paid off by me by making extra payments and my tax returns is being seized by the trustee and sold to pay his creditors. Since it's in his name there is nothing I can do. He is declaring on our two joint cards and since we have seperate finances he is refusing to pay them. He is saying he wants no debt and that he will never be in that position again.
So thats where I am right now. A husband who blew off my family vacation because his kids cried and now is is sacking me with all our joint debt. I sure picked a winner!
I wanted to add I have zero idea how his kids knew of the trip and knew we planned to wake mine up that night to take them or what time we were leaving. Somehow bm is reading my facebook and telling her kids things.
If your still reading dh has to turn over my car to the trustee and i have no car to drive. I paid about 30,000 into it for 2 years and I only owed 5,000 left. Dh just says sorry but i cant help it and i should go finance one in my name which i plan on but it still makes me pissed that I am losing my car.
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You need to dump that
You need to dump that loser/user. ASAP
I'm not dumping him. I'm just
I'm not dumping him. I'm just venting. He works hard every day and is normally a good man. He pays his bills up until bm sacked him with so much debt he couldn't survive. He worked 2 jobs to pay off his portion of the credit card debt he owed from the marriage. I'm not saying he is perfect cause he isn't but divorce? No way!
"A husband who blew off my
"A husband who blew off my family vacation because his kids cried and now is is sacking me with all our joint debt. I sure picked a winner!"
And you didn't talk the whole time you were on vacation that you saved up 8 months for? Aren't vacations supposed to be fun and relaxing?
Yeah, good man.
What a mess. And we wonder
What a mess. And we wonder why 2nd marriages have such a high rate of failure.
I've not heard of a divorce
I've not heard of a divorce that did not handle marital assets AND marital debt.
Marital debt, debt acquired during the marriage, debt that is cosigned ... where do you live that this was not addressed & assigned? Quitclaim deeds, divorce decrees & court orders do wonders for clarity.
Sorry, I'll go back to reading. You surprised me with reporting an actual marital divorce that went to court without managing asset/debt obligations --- especially with minor child involved. ARGH. Our court system needs an overhaul.
If you only owed 5k on your
If you only owed 5k on your car, would waiting to pay it off before filing for bankruptcy have been an option? Did you and your spouse discuss and plan to file together, or did he just make the decision and tell you he was going to do it?
Your post makes it sound as if this man arbitrarily decided on a course of action that cost you over 30k. Not sure I would just roll over and take that, but you took a HUGE gamble marrying a man who had accumulated so much joint debt in his previous marriage. Living together or dating while living apart probably would have been best for you and your bios.
As for the Disney fiasco, just wow. I think you should stop oversharing on fb, and not trust any of your in-laws, either.
Who ever name is on the debt,
Who ever name is on the debt, is responsible for it. They will come after the one who has money
Filing for bankruptcy will not let him walk away free and clear. Under the new laws he will still have to pay off this for three more years
The OP really expected this
The OP really expected this man to play happy family with her and her kids, but leave his behind. Puzzled
As much As I love Disney World, I would have NEVER agreed to what the OP tried to pull.
I wonder how the OP would react if she were offered a free family vacation with her just her husband and SKs.
When I first met DH and SS
When I first met DH and SS (early 20s) I was horrified to hear of vacations to Disney world and the beach where SS was not included even though his 2nd wife’s children could bring friends. Ss32 was a preteen/ teen not a 5 year old.
And then I started picking up on the facts - those pesky little things. His ex (not BM) planned and paid for everything. And SS was like rabid dog. He was an alcoholic by his early teens even though BM and DH didn’t drink at all and never kept alcohol in their home.
SS was sent to MULTIPLE rehab and psychiatric inpatient treatments. BM is a hospital administrator at a top hospital and her father was a doctor. They had access to some of the best care available and used it. Nothing worked and ss32 spent the last few years of his minority in juvie for some horrible crime that no one talks about.
I now do not blame dh’s ex one bit for keeping that cretin away from her children. Nor do I fault DH for going on vacations with his wife at the time. Should he have never gone on a vacation because he had a child that could not be taken on a trip.
Nothing the OP posted points
Nothing the OP posted points to her SKs being alcoholic, drug users, dangerous...
What the OP tried to do was to create family memories with her kids and their stepdad. Memories that would have excluded his children.
That would be fine if she were willing to exclude her bios from the same type of vacation while playing happt family with her husband and his kids.
I bet anything she would never agree to hurt her kids the way she tried to get him to hurt his.
So, maybe it is because of
So, maybe it is because of the type of bankruptcy your DH has filed, but every time my mom and SF filed (yes, multiple times between the two of them), they haven't had to turn over EVERYTHING they own. If they had vehicles, they could keep them so long as they could continue to make payments, or something similar. Basically, they weren't left car-less and destitute, so I'm really confused as to why a vehicle with less than $5,000 left on the loan is up to be repoed/sold unless it's worth some ridiculous amount of money.
Because it's in dhs name they
Because it's in dhs name they seized it and are selling it to give money to his creditors.
Should have gone on your own with your kids
Under these circumstances, with a toxic troublemaking BM, a DH who is in debt and struggling and skids you don't like it would have been a much wiser choice to have not included your DH this time. You had been planning it a long time and it would have been a better trip without all that trouble coming with you. JMO