Family Time
We are planning our family vacation for the Summer, normally we go to the mountains but this year we want to do something different. We want to go on a cruise, we have started to plan. While I have spoken before about how we have a great relationship with MIL and BM, I do not think it is ok for them to come with us. The idea is for me, hubby and the kids.
I nicely told the BM this, she took it really well, said she was upset but totally understood. The conversation with the MIL was not so good, she flipped out, got pissed and then begged. I feel awful and almost caved.
Of course hubby wants me to cave. I do not think it is wrong for me to expect my family vacation to be just my family.
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I agree but she seems to have
I agree but she seems to have a Brady Bunch thing going on, which is great for her! Me I wouldn't piss on BM if she was on fire and I wouldn't blink and eye if SKID SS10 never stepped foot in my house again. Vile little creature. My new mane for him is Agent Orange
Sueu2, thanks I actually did
Sueu2, thanks I actually did not think of that possibility. The hubby did not say that but it makes total sense. Maybe her going is not he worst thing for him to want.
I just have a hard time giving up the dream vacation in my head. I need to be more flexible.
So the question becomes do I
So the question becomes do I fight for his mom not to come or compromise?
If you're thoughts of
If you're thoughts of allowing MIL to come are solely now after the idea to be your babysitter? Tell her that right up front. I would be very rude for her to get the idea from you that she's welcome and what a wonderful trip it will be, only to find out she's there to babysit while you have the good time. That's not a vacation for her.
It is a very weird situation,
It is a very weird situation, but it works for us. I am not sure why either of them think they are coming, never have before.
I only told her because we were at an event together, I was picking up the SS, and she asked me about it.
I think I am really ok with it, mainly since me and the ex are so very different. Also they had a very simple and easy divorce, I do not think they actually fought when they were married let alone since they have been divorced.
The MIL and the BM have boundary issues, it is just always done for the kids..so its hard to be upset.
No we have never gone on
No we have never gone on vacation with her, never even thought it was an option.
Since I knew BM when they were still married, not well mind you, I worked with hubby back in the day when he was still married, it is a complicated relationship. She is a great Mom and I am thankful she is around, compared to what I could of been saddled with I know I am lucky.
It was hard when we first married, she moved to where I am from so we could form a family unit, while I am all for that it is hard to compete with their history. I have jealousy issues but I try and make the best of the situation. My hubby is aware and is great with alleviating the issue.
We have a close relationship as a family unit, but it is not always perfect. We do not fight but there are power struggles and other issues.
Not at all, they made a
Not at all, they made a choice as parents to be close enough to co-parents on a daily and consistent basis.
I understand what you are
I understand what you are saying and I see the point of others point of view and I welcome it. Although no one lives my life so I may not always agree with it.
Well - in my case, I WISH the
Well - in my case, I WISH the BM was a good mom. I never wanted to be the "mom" for my SD. I wanted to be stepmom.
Some mom's just don't do their job. So I get as a stepmom being grateful that the mom is doing her job. The BM in my life is such a loser!!!!
And I am a BM as well. I know my ex is grateful I am a stand up mom. Gotta be grateful where ya can in life.
I am thankful she is around
I am thankful she is around because I know a lot of kids who do not have one of their parents around, her being there does not help me in the least, but it also does not hurt me.
Thanks for the advice with the hubby, that to me is the hardest part, I do not wish to upset him but I really do not want MIL to come. I appreciate the advice.
The power struggles are
The power struggles are interesting to say the least. It is who gets to be team parent, who gets to be at birthday parties, who buys the nice gift for Christmas,etc. I try never to volunteer for anything I let hubby do it, then I offer him assistance.
I am like a third wheel and while we all get along it can be awkward.
Please do not think we are always together or we celebrate holidays, etc together. We have very separate lives outside of the children's life, sporting events and school events.
Try telling BM "No". I think
Try telling BM "No". I think you might see how quickly things can turn. She is perfectly peachy because you ARE a third wheel. What does she do when you tell her no? Have you ever told her no, or asserted your dominance as a wife?
Boy, your husband is lucky. He essentially has two wives in a way.
She was upset but dealt with
She was upset but dealt with it, she has been told no by us before, we have not had serious issues. The biggest issue is when we were first married it was her Christmas, we had planned a trip with just me and the hubby and she was upset that he would not be with the family for the holidays.
The discussed it and it was not an issue again.
He does not have a second wife, he has an ex-wife and Mother to his children and deals with her accordingly. They are not up all night talking about Walking Dead, they deal with each other solely for the benefit of the children.
I have asserted dominance as a wife and at the start it was dicey you are correct but it has calmed down, as they have both moved on with their lives. But I do see your point and it is a fear I have with her sometimes, but as of yet she has not proven to be that way.
Well, if that is all true,
Well, if that is all true, then you don't have a mentally disordered BM like many of us on this site. Lucky you.
They had in the past after
They had in the past after divorce shared holidays so I get why she would expect it, but as it was our first holiday together I am sure some jealousy also was in play. She is far from perfect.
Exactly my thoughts.
Exactly my thoughts.
If it weren't for the MIL
If it weren't for the MIL part I would think the OP is the GF of my YSS.
He is still married to the mother of his kids but he moved in with another woman several years back, broke up with her when he met another woman (the one he's currently with) and the two of them moved into my then fiance's house while I was living there.
He kicked them both out after 8 months and now they're both living with the wife. It is a 3 bedroom and they have a teen daughter and a pre teen son so I've wondered what the sleeping arrangements were. Not that I really care but from what I understand they all act like one big happy family.
Is that your story HEM? Are BM and your SO still married?
If you are real and if you
If you are real and if you are so happy - you really have a way about you that does not help you with asking for help.
This is the first one that had any sense to it. Keep it up in this style and you will find help here.
On a family vacation, I think both adults would need to want the MIL there to really enjoy themselves. Have both people comfortable. If you were needing just an intimate family time together, express this to your hubby. MIL will need to understand.
Really neither here nor
Really neither here nor there, but I just realized what your avatar is. I noticed it had changed but just a quick glance over at the little box I was seeing green leaves with red tulips under a window. LOL. I managed to swipe the side of my hand on my touchscreen and lo and behold those tulips are the witch slippers sticking out from under the house. Bwahahahaha....made me burst out laughing.
Thanks for the smile.
Thats the thing that upsets
Thats the thing that upsets me the most, they have never participated in our vacations before, I have no idea why they want to now.
I totally think even with our
I totally think even with our friendly relationship, I would want to hurt her. We do well now because when we see each other it is a set times for set things, never leisure for us, always about the kids. I also was in the Military and she was not, so I am certain I would survive..lol that was mean for me...
I do, hence the blog..????
I do, hence the blog..????
Ripley--- 1. No that I know
Ripley---
1. No that I know of, me or the Hubby gave any indication of them being invited. Basically we told both MIL and BM that we were taking a cruise and for some reason they both expected to go, maybe because we call it a family vacation, which again is what we call our yearly mountain vacation. So maybe since it is a cruise they thought it would be a good blended family vacation? I actually have no idea, it is why I am so confused. I have not tried to avoid the BM question, she asked about going, I told her no, she took it well. That was the end. The MIL is a whole different story.
Thanks for the heads up, I really am not trying to be passive aggressive but I am sorry if I come off that way.
I agree, we would never
I agree, we would never impose on her and the kids vacation they take each year. And sometimes it is super cool and I want to go. lol They went to Harry Potter Wizarding World last summer, I am a huge HP fan. Not even once entered into my head to ask to go.