SD16's BF's Mom wants to drive them to prom
I am trying to be diplomatic about this.
SD16's BF (Tubby) has been driving for about a year now and recently was able to drive with other non family members is the car. Here in MD you have to wait a certain amount of time before they can drive non-family. Tubby is a good kid who we have gotten to know fairly well over the last few months. He drives SD16 around and we don't have a problem with it.
SD16 says to me last night that Tubby's mom is insisting on driving them to and from the prom because she doesn't want Tubby to drive near the city and it will end at 11:oo which she doesn't feel comfortable with.
Here are my arguments regarding this.
1. The prom is not near the city. For my MD peeps it’s at Martin's West and we live in Columbia.
2. Driving curfew is 12. It only takes 20 minutes to get home and the prom ends at 11.
3. How embarrassing would it be for your Mom to drop you off at the prom! She is the type to pull up to the front door to make sure you go inside.
Now, DH and I talked about it a lot. We both feel comfortable with Tubby driving at night and 40 minutes away from Baltimore. It never occurred to us not to let Tubby drive SD16 to prom. We also understand that this is her kid and ultimately her decision on if she wants to drop them off.
SD16 is mortified. She kept cracking me up last night talking about how she is going to be sitting in the back seat next to Tubby's mom's dog who travels everywhere with her. She was saying Tubby's Mom might as well put a fancy dress on and come dance in between us all night.
DH is calling to talk to Tubby's Mom at lunch time to get an idea of what is going on. DH is very level headed and can see her side of wanting to drive but he also is very aware that sometimes you have to give the kids a little breathing room. According to SD16 even Tubby's dad is ok with him driving to the prom and that his Mom is just being super overprotective. This should be interesting.
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Comments
I wouldn't want my kid
I wouldn't want my kid driving to the prom either. Why doesn't she just rent a limo? That's pretty much the norm here (NYC). Everyone rents limos or party buses for their kids.
Prom is tommorrow and we just
Prom is tommorrow and we just found out about this yesterday I am sure no cars would be available. Plus there is no way I was going to pay for a limo for two kids. I think most of her issue stems from the riots that happened in Baltimore over the last week otherwise this would have come up well before now.
*lol* Tubby's mom sounds a
No one ever died of embarrassment!
Agree.... never question
Agree.... never question another mom on stuff like this...
It's not your decision. If
It's not your decision. If Tubby's mom doesn't want him driving, that's it.
What you could do is rent them a limo.
I can't even believe that
I can't even believe that your DH is trying to put his DD in this car. What if the actual mother of this kid knows something that you don't? What if the kid is actually uncomfortable driving them? Your DH push his 16 year old girl into a bad situation.
I think it is more strange that you and DH want to push the 16 year old girl into a car with a fairly inexperienced driver, than with the mom wanting to drive them.
Maybe Tubbys Mom is worried
Maybe Tubbys Mom is worried that they won't come home after the prom and little Tubbys will be created. I think I got home at 5am on Prom night.
Tubby has a lax game the next
Tubby has a lax game the next morning at 8. Also, we have tracking on SD16's phone that she knows about. We can see where she is at all times.
I am actually really
I am actually really surprised by these responses. Not upset just surprised at how people think we are horrible parents. Let me clear a few things up.
For one DH is not pushing the driving situation. I said we respect his Mom's decision either way. DH is going to call about what is going on because we are only hearing SD16 side of the story and we are not that naïve.
This isn't the first time Tubby has been out driving late. He and SD16 went to a late movie and didn't arrive home until 11:30 on a Saturday.
Also, DH mentioned this to me earlier today I forgot that the driving to prom has come up in the past. Tubby's mom spoke with DH about his thought on Tubby renting a mustang for prom night about two months ago. DH told her he didn't think it was a good idea and she agreed. Never once was it mentioned then two months ago that the kids would be dropped off at prom by her. If it was brought up we would have spoken about renting a limo.
I am sorry but I think it's a bit much for a 17 year old and a 16 year old to be dropped off at prom by his mother.
If she was so worried about his driving why does she let him drive in the first place?
Would it be better for them to catch a ride with another friend that she has no control over?
"I am sorry but I think it's
"I am sorry but I think it's a bit much for a 17 year old and a 16 year old to be dropped off at prom by his mother. "
Weeeeeeellll.... I think what a lot of people were saying (and, upon reflection, I agree) is that it's absolutely none of your business what she does or does not allow her 17 year old to do. It's not your place to call and question her about it. If you think your daughter is lying (which I don't get?) then I can see calling and just saying, "We just wanted to confirm you're driving them?" But I can't really see calling and asking her WHY she wants to drive them. That's.... really pushy of you, actually.
You have the right to tell your daughter she can't go, or at the very least that she can't be driven by Tubby's mom. You have NO right to question her decision regarding her son.
I don't think you're a horrible parent, or person. I think you're just worried about YOUR daughter - naturally. The posters see BOTH parent's side. We're offering you that other viewpoint.
If anything I think you're a GOOD parent for being so concerned for your daughter! But grant the other mother the same - she's concerned about her son, and her concerns are JUST AS VALID as yours, even if they're different.
Update** DH, Tubby's Mom and
Update**
DH, Tubby's Mom and Dad and I just had a 10 minute conference call. This is the whole story.
As I suspected Tubby's Mom was under the impression that the prom venue was close to the city of Baltimore which the entire world now knows that there have been riots, peaceful protests, and now a curfew at 10 pm for the entire city. Any schools that had proms this weekend in the city have been moved to other locations. This has been sent out in multiple emails through out the week. Their school was not moved.
Tubby, his mom and dad drove to the prom venue this morning (no school today) and she saw that it was not near the city and that Tubby had taken the initiative to memorize the directions there so he wouldn't need the GPS. Tubby's dad spoke up that they had a family meeting regarding the driving to prom situation and it was decided that if Tubby and SD16 leave at 10:30 Tubby's mom feels better about them driving. Tubby's dad said he never questioned Tubby's driving to the prom. Tubby Mom mentioned on the call that she was more worried about the protesters than Tubby's driving. She also THANKED us by saying she appreciated that we understood it was her decision.
She and I spoke about pictures and that she wasn't a wine drinker but she did appreciate a good beer! I never in a million years thought she would be a beer drinker.