Someone wrote in one of the postings that maybe because now she knows there is another woman in her ex's life that will make him see who she really is. Maybe she was use to getting what she wanted from her ex and now she can't. Maybe she is jealous that he has a new love.....kind of like I don't want him but I don't want anyone else to have him. Maybe she is jealous of you...your successes, your happiness, his happiness, Skids happiness. Maybe she is jealous of your family that she wanted to be hers. Maybe she is jealous because her EX is truly happy now.

I figure it is not you...it could have been any woman and she would have felt the same way.

If only we could read their minds.

Biomom might be a good one to give us some prespective on this one.

She is just mad that he was able to find someone to replace her. She probably would rather him be miserable because she left him, but now that she sees that he moved on she can't handle it. My husband never married his BM and I did not come into the pictures until at least a year later, but when she first met me we had a huge verbal fight and she wouln't let BD take his son. A now a year later and we are married she still does not like me , but I am ok with that because it just shows me that she is just full of green envy. And I LOVE IT!!!

Totally!!!

It is funny...my DH ex left him for another man 41/2 years ago. Here he is today happy, married, has a new son and another on the way. Where is she...no where...the lover is gone, been through 5 over the last year and still hanging out on dating site in provactive poses but can't find anyone.

Wonder why they hate us!!!!

Revenge is a plate best served cold.

Enjoy every minute of it.

My husband and I grew up together in the same small town, so we've known each other all our lives. But he enlisted in the Marine Corps at 17 and I went on to college, so for the sixteen years after high school, we were not in touch. Then one day I was cleaning out the attic, found some old photos and memorabilia from high school, saw a cute note from him on the back of his senior picture and started wondering what ever happened to him. So I tracked him down to a ship in the Black Sea off the coast of Georgia (the country, not the state) where he was deployed and I sent him an email. We called/emailed throughout his det, then after he came home, we got together and the rest is history. But his divorce had been final for over a year and there was four years of legal separation before that. Plus, SHE left HIM! She STILL sees me as an interloper! I wonder if it has anything to do with their marriage failing and a little guilt/jealousy that our relationship made it and theirs didn't.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

My ex cheated on me. With everything that came in his package-- I could not get past it. My DH's ex cheated on him several times even while they were reconciling. D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Neither DH or I dated much or seriously for the 6 yrs, and when we did, we didn't involve our kids. These two x's --you would think they run brothels...

Before we met, DH and I both have similar stories, in that we both filed, left the x with the house-furnishings and all, both started over from scratch. Rebuilt our lives and moved on. We were successful because we didn't have the reckless x's undoing everything. 10yrs later both ex's act as if they were the victim and that Dh and I caused the marital affairs. Well both of them sold their houses ( not because they couldn't afford it the rent costs more than the house pmts were )- blew the equity and have not built a foundation of any sorts. Ironically, they both are 40 something, still depend on their parents, who are at an age themselves were I think the ex's should be helping them out. The worst part of it is they sing their sad sad song to the kids and the kids feel sorry for them. We get the dad can't afford that, mom can't afford that. I ask them what do you think... and then I just say that people make many choices and when they do they have to be prepared to live with those choices and if they can't, rethink it!

I often tell DH that our ex's should get together they have so much in common. Dh says he'll move to the mountains should that ever happen--he can't imagine the hell we would have with both of them scheming under one roof! LOL

Yes we are all there My husband's ex cheated on him for over three years until he finally gave her the boot. He met me also during the whole divorce process. She is a b" and treated me like crap. What did I do to her....nothing. Like eeryone else says....she didn't want him BUT I honestly think she regrets her life now. The MARRIED boss she was banging is no longer in the picture. She is trying to live her life as a single woman (and I know it kills her to have to go and shovel her own drive) She has said nasty things about me and to this day she will not admit to anyone she was the reason for the divorce. She has made MORE than once references to teachers, neighbors, and even the the son's counselor how fast we got married after the divorce. "you don't know what you got until it's gone."

I met my hubby during his divorce which was cause because of infedelity on her part. She has had so much hatred for me for the past 7 years now. We are happily married and she has said on many occassions to my hubby that she hates me because I have every thing that she could've had. She still thinks that its my hubby's fault that they are not together because if he hadn't met me then they could have reconciled. She is not remarried with a new child to add to the 3 she has with my man. She and her hubby are on and off again and coincidently got married by the justice of the peace 2 weeks after me and my hubby did! What a coinincidence! Could it be that she came to pick up SS (who we have custody of) and saw the "JUST MARRIED" on our SUV? Of course, because SS said as soon as he got in the car she asked him 20 questions and proceeded to call everyone she knew on the way home and tell them the horrifying news. Everytime we get something new like our new truck she turns on the evil and we feel her rath for a good month. She is so unhappy with her life and her decisions that I am afraid this will go on forever. Or at least until the youngest is 18. I feel a little sorry for her at times but its hard. We are buying a new house and I shiver when I think about the first time she pulls into our driveway and what we will have to deal with in the month following. Long story short, I feel your pain and just feel flattered that you are so envied.

Yes, I think they hate to see their ex's go on and have happy and full lives.

I met my dh six months after they had separated. When her and I had our one and only argument she says "How do I not know that you and husband did not have an affair" My response was "Do you want me to tell you about all the others between you and me?" I figured it was her guilt speaking....she knows damn well that he never once thought of cheating on her and asked if they could go for counselling (before he knew about the affair) she said no. They would still be together today had she had tried, he is such a loyal man.

I think that is just it...we have what they want. The grass isn't always greener.

I think not only is it jealousy, but ladies if you truly think about this MOST Husbands don't leave WIVES, WIVES Leave HUSBANDS. So with that being said, when they leave poor old HUBBY, they are normally leaving someone who doesn't want to see them GO. Now this has got to be an EGO boost, "AH HA I don't want you but you want me!" Well let's be honest most of our DH that are ours now, ladies they more than likely DID NOT WANT their marriage to end. So this was a great pleasure to BM to know that if things ever got TOO bad out their in the dating world, single world, clubbing world, any fantasy world she was living in, she basically knew taht she could IF SHE CHOSE to she could always COME BACK TO HIM! Well can you imagine how much of a slap in the face it is, when NOT ONLY can you NOT come back, unless some of you all are into the BIGAMY thing, and I am assuming most of us are not, we pretty much as a group DON'T LIKE SHARING OUR MEN!!!!! (HAHAAHAHAH) So can you just imagine how BM now without a shadow of a doubt, unless she is going to kill you (which some of those crazy B****ES probably would) she can't have him back. Her Back up plan has just gotten blown up in her face!
That is where the HATE comes from, you are with her back up plan, and LORD and BEHOLD that M*****F***** (our DH's) looks happier with you than he ever did with her, and why does it seem like all of the crap that use to bother her about him when they were together miraculosly doesn't bother her anymore, and you dear SECOND WIFE, you better NOT be CUTER, SMALLER, TALLER, SEXIER, FUNNIER, LONGER HAIR, LONGER NAILS, STRAIGHTER TEETH, ANY THING YOU CAN THINK OF, it better not be better than her, OR ELSE, WATCH OUT!!!!

"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)

That's so true.

Before dh met me she came crawling back and he said no thank you. I think even up to us announcing our second pregnancy did she get it. The day she found out about the baby..she put up provactive pictures of herself on the internet ona dating site...I think it was in desparation. She knows we are back in court this year..me on mat leave and us with two kids.....oh no better find me a husband.

Too funny and so predictable. And yes he is happier and sexier than ever and He's mine.

Laughs on them

reading all your post here and pondering the thought.
I am the ex and BM- my ex just started to date almost 1 year ago to a woman I have known since I was probably 7 years old. We have been divorced for almost 8 years. This is his 1st GF, I had dated a couple of people and now I am married. I always wondered how I would feel when he found someone.. And I have to tell you, at first I was a little taken back, not because she was getting him (have him please) but because of my kids. I have a daughter and son with I never had to share. And then maturity hit me in the head. While it was ok for me to have another man in my life and my kids, it was ok for him. If they make each other happy then go for it. I also had to remember that my kids KNOW who there mom is and that woman is ME. I love them and they love me. That got me thru the little take back moment.
These BM who treat you SM like you are pieces of shit, are just so insecure with themselves as mothers and woman. If its ok for us BM to move on with our lives we need to remember that its ok for the BF too. Our children will love us no matter what because we gave them life. Look at the scenerio's with children who are abused by the bio's they still love them no matter what. Which is very sad but its very true.

I wish there was a place where I could go and try to help BM's and let them know my experiences. Because I think that since I am both and alot of you ladies on here are, we could really help some woman. maybe not all but a lot of them.

I want my ex to find someone to share his life with. I want him to grow old with someone. I want my kids to see him happy and experience happiness with his relationship. Like they do with me. He is going to get old and my kids are getting older and will move on with there lives and then what.. He should be alone.. I don't think so.

Some of these BM need to think outside there box. and stop using there kids and quite with the power struggle.

Jealousy, I to get jealous at times of my hubbies ex- I am human. I have been trying to really work on myself and try to understand her which I must admit when I am on my period is not something I practice at all. Do you want to know why I am jealous of her. Its nothing to do with our looks or anything. But I never get to experience having his child, that is what it is. I love my kids and his kids which are also mine, but its not the same as having his child. I will never have that. So that is where my jealousy comes in. I will never get to say oh look he/she has my toes but your nose... Does this make sense. Or am I rambling. Ok probably both.

for those of you in the situation where the BM hates you I would just think about some of the things I posted. That could be some of it.

You make the ex happy. I know my husband has said to me he has never in his life been treated the way I treat him.. Ever. He is my best friend.

Another thing I have thought of lately, is life..
We only get one shot at it. I lost someone I knew last week. she was 42, a mother of a 12 yr old girl and a wife of 19 years. Her life was taken by a battle with cancer and she got an infection and she was gone. You know all of us on here could loose our husbands at any time of any given day, so I started to think about how I was treating him because of my insecurities with his ex.. ( i am still working) but if god were to take him or my kids from me I would hate to feel guilt over anything. So its got me working on trying very hard to make my husband and kids happy. All of them.

Ok I am rambling.. And I am doen talking..
happy

That is the one thing that I feel is challenging about my husband and his ex...that they have a family together and we do not...that is something very special that we will never share. I do not feel jealous of the fact that they have this connection anymore but saddened by that reality for us.

I also really believe with all my heart that the exs probably don't care nearly as much as we think about what we as stepmoms are doing in relationships with their former spouses...truly! That may be flattering to us if we have the man, but it probably isn't as true as we think that it is. And maybe our interpretation of events that occur isn't planned by the biomom with the nastiness that you think. I am a biomom too...I could care less about what my former spouse does...in fact we have been apart so long it almost seems unreal that we were together...until I look at our kids. However, I do expect the financial support that he has taken off his pay and sent the Family Responsibility Office to be deposited directly into my account, and yes, I would be very ticked off if I was solely responsible for raising them completely on my own. If I had to, so be it. But I don't.

Aside from this, I just wanted to say ladies that I understand the need to vent...I really do. But to be engaged in anger and hatred every day is not healthy. Venting is good. Ruminating is not. I really value the things that you have said today Happy because you are working on you and changing your perspective....because in the end that is all anyone can ever change anyways. This gives me hope and encouragement to continue to do the same. Thank you for some positive energy!

I am in the same boat as many of you and my DH's ex left him 6.5 years before I met him. After our first date, I received a visit from her and we had never met. She was screaming at me about what a horrible person I was to "steal" him and things like this. My now DH told me that I should have walked away immediately and told me he blasted her and that he wished they never had to speak except they have to for the child. I should have been more cautious after that first visit but I fell in love and married him. I found out that they speak several times daily...that he still fixes things at her house...takes her to doctor appointments, that he does anything to keep her from acting out including telling me I shouldn't attend functions...each time he began getting a little better - her behavior escalated (often involving the children in her tirades which scared him) til he folded and did what she wanted. He has I know some need to keep her hanging on...because every time she quiets a bit...he does something to give her some hope or show her he's still there. Then she freaks a week later when he doesn't do something she wants and we're back in the same cycle. Anyway, my ultimate point is THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. THIS HAS TO DO WITH YOUR DH and the BM. Unfortunately in my case, BM wins and I hurt. At this point, we are separated. I couldn't take the pain anymore. I love my DH and have tried for 3 years of our married life to learn to deal with BM and his reactions to it. I have almost given up and am trying to move on hard as it is.

I also feel the same as Stamina and Happy re: not having had a child with my DH. I can't even imagine what it would be like when you are finally with your best friend and soulmate! I try not to think about it....and just pretend all 4 are ours, together. (I pretend we "adopted" all of them and pay no mind to the biology of it!) In our case, my DH left his exwife of 13 years...took him six years to do it and there was no other woman involved. The ex may want him back, but then again maybe she doesn't, I really don't know. I do feel very sad for her...especially if she really loved him. They had 3 kids together. I'm wondering if the guilt is worse for a man in that situation than if the exwife left him...I thnk the ex could like me cause I'm good to her kids, but probably doesn't for all the reasons mentioned above. So far, all is well...no horrible drama going on. (I probably create most of it by my "reaction.")