Out of the topic....
I just had to get this out of my system... This is not about a stepparent issue but its about friendship. I have a friend, I grew up with her since 3rd grade. She got married and had 2 children (a 4yr and a 1yr old girls). I've noticed that she's only calling me when she needs a favor. I feel like she is just using me. She never calls to say hello or plan a get together but only calls me when she needs my help. How do I tell her that this bothers me instead of me screening my phone calls and not call her back.
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I have the same type of
I have the same type of “friend”. We have been friends for about 12 years and looking back I’ve realized that I’ve been a friend to her but she really hasn’t been a friend to me. I think a lot of it here recently is honestly jealousy and guilt and that is what it has been all along because in Jr. High and High school I applied myself, got good grades, etc…and now I have a good job, college degrees, a husband, a beautiful home, etc…she had her first child when we were 19 and her second two years later, works fast food/telemarketing jobs off an on, is a single mom and literally moves once a year (for various reasons…) This last time she moved (about 6-9 months after we bought our house) she told me “I told my mom, if I can move to a house like “Nise’s” I don’t want to move into a house at all”…and that told me a lot about where she’s at with our friendship, why she NEVER comes over when I invite her and the kids. She doesn’t feel good about her life because she compares it to my life. But her kids are 100% wonderful and so cute and such a blessing (I don’t have any biokids) but she doesn’t see the positive things in her life b/c she’s always trying to meet someone else’s standards when she hasn’t positioned herself to obtain that “level” yet…..N-E-Wayz…I say all this to 1. vent a little and 2. tell you not to take it personal…your friend may be jealous and/or selfish (so consumed with her own life that she doesn’t have time to conceptualize that you may need her too for emotional support, a listening ear or just to “be there”…when dealing with people like that, you have to decide if you value the friendship enough to put up with it b/c unless this is a new development and she hasn’t always been that way, it is not likely that she will truly understand where you are coming from enough to change…
Nise...
Good to hear that I'm not the only who is in this position. I don't think my friend is jealous of me at all, she's a hard worker and sometimes that is all she does. I feel bad about her children because they don't get to play much, they get drag into their family business all day long, and it's boring to stay cooped up in a small place for 8 hours. The kids are always sick w/a cold. Work is always been the most important to her, she is so consumed in it. She makes money but she is very stingy. I think she just uses me for her benefit, whatever is convenient for her. Saturdays we have our daughters to go to hula and she always wants me to pick up her daughter (because its on the way), so she can stay at work and then drop off her daughter when practice is done. She should take her own daughter and watch her practice. Last week I told her I couldn't take her daughter. I don't think I can say yes to her anymore, she needs to realize the importance of her children and that she needs to be more attentive to them. I just don't know how to tell her this.
Evaluate What its Worth to You
Dear Happy Mom,
I think you're coming to a crossroads in your life where you are hitting a realization that people in your life aren't what they seem or appear. It's kind of like cleaning out your closet and getting rid of this stuff you don't need or have outgrown. If you think you're ready to part ways, be honest with your friend, and tell her exactly what you think and let the chips fall where they may. I've done that before. The chips fell, and the friendship collapsed, because it never really was a strong friendship. I found I didn't miss my friend as much as I thought I would; I was hurt, of course, but that was okay, because, I let her make the decision on if she was going to change or not. People change because they want to, or see a need to, and obviously she didn't see anything wrong with herself. She was really unhappy and always kept finding fault with things and I grew tired of hearing her always wanting to hear the gossip about work just to tear people apart. What she was doing wasn't constructive, and I didn't want any part of it. If you think you really have to have this friend, I guess you'll swallow your tongue and pride, and suck it up. There's a lot to be said for good friends. Acquaintances are a dime a dozen. Good friends...the ones you can count on are one in a million. I'd have to say that the people on this site, are some of the closest people to me, and I count on all of you, every day.
Regards,
Sweetie
Sweetie...
Read more on my blog above. I don't think she is worth being my friend. I just can't believe that people actually function like that, they don't see what they are doing as a whole picture. I don't have the time to deal w/people like that. I guess most people are like that so it leaves me with no friends... It's just unbelievable how people can be. I do have another friend who I see once a month and we make an effort in seeing each other once a month to catch up on things. She's what I call a friend, she is much older than me, about 20 years, but she's the best.
One Good Friend is All You Need
Dear Happy Mom,
As I was trying to tell you, one true good friend, is worth dozens of acquaintances. Treasure her! I know that you probably really enjoy each other's company when you do see each other and that's what counts.
Regards,
Sweetie