I did buy the boots. At a price of $250. Irritates me. Supposedly now today, just a bit ago my daughter texted me and said her dad told her the gf told the daughter she needs to come home today (she's 15 and comes and goes as she pleases, and goes to school as she pleases so there's top notch parenting going on there) and to bring my daughter's boots back. My daughter is supposed to stop there after school to pick them up. We shall see what happens

Oh he drives the car illegally. Seriously. And I know he doesn't have tags because he has been using this excuse for a couple weeks, so when I dropped the kids off I checked the tags. Our state they are colored based on each year. His are definitely expired. The gas...who the hell knows. He doesn't have money to pay the med bill I sent him, but he had enough to go out to dinner with his gf for some occasion during his Wednesday overnight.

I hate that they go there and are treated like this. But what is there for me to do? Other than file a complaint with the FOC, and it will result in ex lying as usual, like he did repeatedly in court, and the FOC stating that we need to "work together". As this continues and goes on and on, I am nearing the point of allowing my daughters to discuss with FOC themselves about not going to their dad's. I have been resisting it for a year and a half, but things just keep going further downhill.

It drives me crazy Sweetpea. His irresponsibility is aggravating.

There's not much I can do to keep them from having to go other than filing a motion. I have been keeping a detailed record of what occurs or when he doesn't show or isn't home for the next time we are in court.

Except that one sister wasn't home and the other was in bed sick with the stomach flu....

They're dad is NON COMMUNICATIVE. Biggest reason why we got divorced. So if I couldn't get him to communicate as an adult after 14 yrs, then two teenage girls, 15&12, are going to be able to get him to suddenly make the switch and communicate with them after they have been trying for four years since the divorce?

I tell my daughters to talk to their father repeatedly. My daughters HAVE talked to their father REPEATEDLY. It falls on deaf ears and or he doesn't follow through with anything to avoid any type of conflict between himself and his gf.

This doesn't fall on gf. It does fall on gf's daughter and exH. ExH is responsible for leaving the kids with a responsible person to attend to them if he is not available. That person was the gf, who in turn handed that responsibility to her daughter. My oldest daughter was not home, she was at a friend's house and a movie. My youngest daughter was sick in bed with the stomach flu as she had starting vomiting that morning as explained in my blog. So no, this does not fall at all on my daughters to take care of feeding their brother. They ARE kids after all. A sick child should not be expected to get out of bed when dealing with the stomach flu to take care of a sibling. Hell, if I could get away without being a mom when I'm puking and achy I would, but unfortunately that's not a part of the perks of being a mom.

As for the sporting events...my daughter has been playing hockey for seven years. Games 100 miles away for a day trip double header are not uncommon in the level of play she is at. ExH is well aware of her interest in the sport. Our daughter has already dedicated a lot of time and effort into a sport she is very passionate about. Our son has only been at it for 4 years, however he took is quite passionate. Because their parents got divorced, our kids shouldn't get to play a sport they've player PRIOR to the divorce because it's inconvenient for Dad? When mom and stepdad take the majority responsibility of running around since we are primary custodians? Sorry monkeysee, I disagree with this and think that is ridiculous.

Thanks moelijk. Yes I have tried everything I can think of. I have encouraged and had my daughters approach their dad. I have defended him this issue has continuously gotten worse over the last few years and now the girls are getting older and get more and more frustrated from the lack of support or even follow through and the full out lies they have caught him in.

My youngest attended counseling at her request to work on how she feels about her dad and how to approach him. Her therapist even had a joint session with him so she could feel safe discussing the issues and yet nothing. We have had mediation with our case worker who has given him advice on the issues. To no avail. At this point I'm not sure where to go next.

I do not want my daughters to not have a relationship with their father. I myself am a daddy's girl and it hurts me to see that my daughters do not have that relationship with their father. My dad was always the one man I could count on for anything. My dad says had my back. My dad put me and my brothers in front of his own interests. I watched my very good friend go through this with her father as a young teen and still be estranged from her father at 40. I'm afraid that my daughters refusing to go to their father will cause a rift that may not be repairable. I am also concerned that of my 15 yr old exercises her right to not be forced to go them my 12 yr old will be following closely behind. Without my oldest at my ex's house I worry who will take care of my youngest daughter and my son. If both girls stop, who will be there for my son?

At the same time however, I do not think my children should have to deal with verbal abuse from the other kids in the house. From physical attacks by the other kids. To have their items stolen (the boots is the most recent and expensive item, But this has happened repeatedly with both my girls) at a home they are supposed to feel welcome and comfortable in.

I see many SM's on here discuss how they don't let their skids take their bios things or get upset about skid behavior to bios. This is the same thing only in reverse. My ex is t doing anything about the other kids at his home doing it to his kids.

I'm mostly venting. But advice on how to solve this issue would be helpful. Although leaving them to their own devices is not really an option. They are getting no support and are being left alone or "neglected" to a degree at their dad's. I can't tell them "it's not my problem tend for yourself" they already are feeling cast aside and left to their own devices when they are supposed to be taken care of by a parent. Kids do need parents. Kids do need to feel safe and loved when with a parent. I'm super strict and my kids are no Angels. And they get disciplined. But they also know that I will take care of them. And that they will not be left to fend for themselves. Making their own lunch or something is one thing. But they aren't left without food (convenient food...they shouldn't have to cook a in depth meal) is not the issue. That is reasonable. They have to make their own breakfast in the morning here and samdwiches or whatever for lunch on the weekends here. That's different than what is occurring at my ex's home.

If someone has an "out of the box" idea or something like that, I'm all ears.

Thanks again for the support moelijk.