My SO was still bathing my SKids when they were 5 & 6...now, 3 years later, they are both showering on their own.

I would think that unless your SS has something wrong with him (special needs??), that he is more than capable.

When I started my SKids (SD & SS) on their own in the shower, I had to be in there with SD (long hair) to make sure she understood how to both wash & rinse properly. SS picked it up pretty quickly but both have been sent back to re-rinse a few times when they first started.

I personally find showering a 9 year old to be creepy. It was creepy when SS was 6...I understood SD needing help but not SS as he has short hair & had no reason that he couldn't manage it himself.

Can you suggest to your DH that he work through the steps of showering with your SS so that he can graduate to doing it himself?

When both SS & SD took their first solo shower (with NO help WHILE showering), we made a HUGE deal about how big they were & how proud we were of them.

Good luck

My fiance was helping his daughter shower when we first met, when she was 8 years old. I thought this was ridiculous (not to mention somewhat creepy) that a child that age was getting help with such a task, from her father no less! Over time I came to realize that this was necessary due to her super thick head of hair that she had trouble washing and rinsing, but we have still taken steps to graduate her to showering on her own, and now at nearly 10 years old she is doing a good job of that.

I'm new to this site as of this very hour. I'm glad to find it and am so pissed all the time about these very issues.

I'm new to this site as of this very hour. I'm glad to find it and am so pissed all the time about these very issues.

I don't know all the acronyms yet, but my wife has a monster 10Y/O son (SS - I know that). This lazy slob does nothing for himself, and she waits on him hand on foot. I got into this relationship when I was drinking and a non-thinking man. Now, I see life and the absurd position I put myself in. When we first met, my wife disclosed to me that this kid is a bastard from outside her previous marriage. The father was actually a friend of the ex-husband. Later, he bailed on the marriage due to a new woman he found. Is this horrid devil child to ever know the truth? The crap true father ever to pay a dime? I'm I stuck with this waste of a life because I love this woman? I am contemplating telling her that it's the SS or me, but that seems wrong. I grew up with 3 sisters and a slow-witted but beautiful mom. She also didn't seem to get it that men don't want these insane children around. I'm sober and clear now, and I worry that bitterness and resent will send me back to my old ways if I sit through my best remaining years with someone else's mess at team sports on (what should be) my weekends. I need to be in the water enjoying myself - not sitting with the idiot ex-husband at team child games making chit-chat and dying to tell him it's not even his kid. And, worse yet, I'm I to trust this woman to have a child with me after she did that in the past? Easy to deal with drunk - not sober.

SS7 refuses to wash himself here (I have no idea how they do it at BMs). We're slowly trying to get him to do it himself, but it may take another year or two for him to do it well/right, as he's autistic. SD5 CAN do it by herself, most of the time she just doesn't WANT to, so WON'T. At least not without a fit. At that point I tell her she can stay in there until the water's cold, but she's still gonna do it herself, but I'm the mean stepmom.

When I came into my SS's life he was 3. I would wash his whole body and hand him and loofah to do his "private parts and butt". He would tell us that BM would still take showers with him.
Now that he's 5, I'll go in to watch him soap up to make sure he doesn't miss a spot. He's already begun opening the soap on his own, so by next year I predict I won't have to go in at all.
BUT in general, he's a very clean kid and doesn't like to be dirty.

SS8 still tries to pull the 'I can't do it' and gets BM to wash him. SD6 is the same. I keep trying to teach them to do it themselves but BM still insists they are her babies. SS8 still can't wipe his bum and calls his mum to come do it for him. When he does do it himself, he makes a mess on his hands and wipes it on the walls. This is a kid that tries to act so tough like he's the man of the house...still crawls into bed with his mum and me - sometimes strips naked. I try and address these issues and more with her but I get told I'm jealous and they're just kids. I love her so much but she gives most of herself to the kids that there's barely any left for me. I'm so stuck on what to do and how to handle this...

I am thinking in the 5-6yo range.

I think that is about when I did it and when my SS-19 did it.