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Stay at home step mom

greektome's picture

I am a stay at home mom with my bio-daughter, we have a step-son whose mom works and leaves him with her family members. Why shouldn't I be considered the primary care-giver when she works??? We are currently trying to attempt joint custody but its like the courts don't acknowledge I exist! I provide a stable, consistant healthy child environment as there is already a child here. Our son is split between households now as it relates to the bio-mom's house and her relative's home. I need help!!!!!! If he's only known a split home life as it is, why can't it be between the bio-mom, and the step-mom???

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greektome's picture

Thanks. As hard as is it you are right. I assummed that I had the visistation rights given to my husband and now to find out that is not true is really heartbreaking. Can they deny given visitation if they know he is working and the child will be with me?

Elizabeth's picture

First of all, are you and DH actually married? Some people call their SO's husbands on here just to make it easier. If you ARE married, it depends on your state and the court order. DH and I got married when SD was 8. During HIS visitation times, even when DH was traveling out of town for work, I had SD8 because she belonged to him during that time and it was his right to decide who she would be with. And his mother may not be able to legally deny you visitation but she may try (and succeed) anyway. BM pulled this when SD was 15 and didn't want to come see her father. We went to court and fought her on denying visitation but it was nearly impossible to prove against BM, despite written proof, so DH gave up. I think it depends on how much of a stand your husband wants to take against BM. It is DH's visitation time, and he has the right to use it how he sees fit.

greektome's picture

Yes, we are married. And the BM likes me, and is comfortable with me having SS. However she is very vendictive toward DH so when she gets mad at him (which is too often) she refuses me. Ironically she comes to me with her issues, even stating she does things for revenge. I think she would rather punish DH by scheduling time when I would have SS knowing he will be working, and that simply is not right. When I speak up about it she takes the time away from both of us. DH has fought so hard to get the time he has and I don't think will ever stop. I just wonder when it stops being a fight!!!!

greektome's picture

He does have a set CO but it generally doesn't stop her. The excuse usually is renered as the SS is sick or something even when he's not. She's been back to court for contempt a few times and he generally "wins" but the result is a slap on the wrist to her and the judge saying "I expect this not to happen again" and that line is repeated again and again, contempt after contempt.