Glynne, I'm so happy that you've come so far with your sobriety, that is a wonderful achievement! I for one understand the jaw clenching and grinding of teeth. Dealing with constant interruptions and negativity in our lives from BM or poorly behaved SK's or even unsupportive DH's can greatly affect ones health. Through the last few years I discovered I have a painful autoimmune disease that flares with stress, so I had to learn to take care of myself before everyone else.....and being a nurse, that was very difficult!

Because of my situation I decided to investigate further into the effect of unhealthy relationships and chronic disease. Negativity in a relationship affects ones mood (as we all know), and the emotional climate of a household, I've found, can be directly correlated to a persons physiological system.

Think about it; if one is happy, the body is able to release hormones such as Serotonin: check out this article...

If a relationship is filled with negativity, the body responds hormonally, immunologically and biologically, which puts the body in an allostatic state to deal with the long-term effects of stress. In other words, the body is seeing the stress and negativity as a challenge to its homeostasis, thus continually adjusts trying to find peace and harmony. Putting myself first, or indulging in activities that reduced stress became a welcomed challenge. At first I felt guilty, but now I understand that these activities are necessary to prevent me from getting ill.

So in order to keep my physical, and mental, health stable, I needed to let go of the negatives and concentrate on the positives. Worrying about BM, or dealing with crap from the kids just wasn't working for me, I had to change ME and how I thought of the situation. DH now has the responsibility of handling psycho's rantings, I will have no part of it. When the kids misbehave, HE has to handle it. I still can't stand BM, but I spend a lot less time thinking about her. Dealing with her still stresses me out though, but there's not much I can do about how she reacts, just how I react.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz