This is exactly how i felt and BM did run our lives for a while. If I think about it.... in some ways she does still, but I've learned to make the best of it. However, if someone had told me years ago that SS would end up making my life miserable, I would have rethought getting married. It sounds horrible. I love my husband. Adore him actually, but being really happy 4 days a week isn't enough for me anymore. Anyway, the skids do change. BM usually does too tho. it takes a while - a long while - for both.

Don't let the BM ruin your life. Make sure your soon-to-be-husband stands up for you and your relationship. You 2 come before her! You 2 need to be a team!!!!

I think BM probably gets off on SD refusal to go to dinner with your fdh. Ok back to your dilemma, you love this man, you state that in every post, so look at it like this, what if the situation was reversed? Would you want him to stick by you, through thick and thin? I think the answer would be YES. As for wanting everyone to be happy, well that is such a nice dream, unfortunately it isn't going to happen. There are people who genuinely revel in being miserable in this world, we have no control over this sad fact.

Let me give you a little advice, don't sweat the small stuff. IF SD doesn't want to go to dinner, let it go, if she continues to refuse, maybe dh should stop offering. If DH wants to take her to dinner, for a special Daddy-Daughter dinner, then just plan it when she is with you guys anyway. Just do your best to be good to SD and soon she will start to see that anything negative BM is saying about you or her Dad just isn't true. Actions always speak louder than words. Good Luck

**How seldom we weigh our neighbors in the same balance as ourselves. ~Thomas à Kempis**

having someone run your lives is exactly what is going to happen if you let it. i am - or should i say was - engaged and each day has gotten worse and worse. i myself don't think i can deal with the stress. i feel like i have aged significantly in the past year from all of it.

i am sure not all 'step' relationships are this way, but mine has been and it's so sad.

If you are so conflicted on both issues, that alone is a red flag the size of a barn door that at the very least, you should consider thinking very hard and serious about what you should do.

I think it will end up costing you more if you go through with the wedding and then down the road find out you made a mistake because you will have invested more of yourself than you have at this point. Weddings get called off all the time for many different reasons. But this is a very serious decision and even more so because you love your fiance very much. If you decide to call it off, yes it will hurt for a long time, or maybe not. Maybe you'll have to break up to make up and you could still get married to him down the road. Either way, you'll know that you listened to your heart and you did what you thought was right at the time. If you choose to go through with it, just make sure you have exhausted every angle that you can think of to making sure it's right for you, first and foremost.

The reason I can say this is, I speak from experience and I married a man I should never have married in the first place. We were married for many years and had four kids together and it was all because we never talked to each other before the wedding to make sure we were doing the right thing by each other. Yeah, there were some good things and good times in the marriage, the biggest being our wonderful 4 kids, but as a married couple, we were not meant to be together for the long haul. I would never say I regret it, but I wished I had listened to my doubts (and I had alot of them, believe me) and also wished that i didn't settle because I didn't think I deserved anything better.

Take what you want from this...and I sincerely hope that whatever happens and whatever you decide to do, that you have this web site as a place where you can get support and love and many many hugs.

Take care and be well...

It is natural to have doubts when entering into marriage,even when sk and bm issues aren't there. Some of this could be normal prewedding jitters. I work in the party/wedding planning industry, and it is totally normal for both brides and grooms to go through a "freak out stage". This is a huge decision, and I have often seen brides and grooms turn to their religious advisers, family members, or just each other to help work through these issues.

**How seldom we weigh our neighbors in the same balance as ourselves. ~Thomas à Kempis**

d

She's over and knows it you are the one he loves and she can't handle it.
Once she realizes she can't change anything between you two she'll get tired of it and move on...it may take a while and who knows maybe it will just take the wedding.
Someone needs to tell her in calm ,zen way - your foolish behavior is not going to change any of the love and respect in our relationship and although you are miserable we are not AND even if you don't change it will always be that way.