What to do now??

Have a question.....my DH got custody of his son last year, then BM went on the war-path, and has been trying to get him back, she took us to court, and the judge was/ is considering it, saying to us that the order was only temp.... Well SS has been wanting to go back to BM anyway...to many rules at our home, BM has done a good "brainwash" job on him as well..so he's been tough to live with lately...he's 13, tough age, and has been subjected to alot of drama. My DH is supposed to go to court on Aug 9- for the judge to tell us where SS is going to live... everyone is sick of this case..including the judge...my DH & I are planning on relocating back up north to Mass, on the 31st of this month. We are in Fl. now.....we are going to grant BM & SS their wishes and let him move back w/ her. We want to wave the white flag on this now and then their will be no need to go back to court AGAIN, to fight over custody of SS. We plan on meeting with BM's lawyer tomorow to let her know we are leaving before the court date, we have to move this month because of employment and place to live. The question I have is has anyone been through this....besides working out visitation, and child support....that can all be done out of court...what other loose ends could their be. I want to make this as smooth as possible

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Should be as simple as

Should be as simple as filing a motion to dismiss, as well as a modification outlining what you agree to. I would try to get her to pay for half of expenses for travel for visitation, child support based on the state's guidelines and not a cent more and also set up a scheduled time for "phone" visitation. We live in CT and the skids are in NC. We, too, had to drop our quest for custody d/t a move for his job. We never see the kids, but life is less dramatic. Good luck to you!

~ Anne ~

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other." -Walter Elliot

Yes, since you are moving

Yes, since you are moving out of state make sure you get set days and times for phone visitation, where BM has to make SS available. Usually just before bedtime is good. Also, make sure there is a provision that if he is not available (for whatever reason) she has to have him call you back within 24-hours ...

~ Katrina

thank you

I thought it should be simple...given BM is getting what she says she wants, and so is SS. I look forward to this move in a few weeks, all our family is up there, and to get away from all the drama, stress, and nonsense will be great for us. My DH & I have a beautiful 9 month old baby to raise together, & a great relationship that has somehow survived all this. thanks again for your imput.

I would make sure that the

I would make sure that the visistation days/times/who is responsible for the cost of travel outlined and detailed very carefully so that when that there won't be any issues later down the line.

-happy mom

Cost of travel is important,

Cost of travel is important, but is usually outlined in the child support order. There are lots of creative ways of handling it. Each party can pay their share, you can buy one ticket, she can buy the return ticket, you buy RT ticket, and then deduct her share from the child support for the time period you have SS, or they can even prorate it into a monthly credit on your child support for having a long distance expense based on the current price of tickets and an estimation of how much you'd pay every year.

I think the best way is to have you guys buy RT ticket, and then be allowed to deduct her share (with documentation of the cost) from the child support during the time fram that you have kid. Like if you have him for a week at Christmas time, then you'd presumably buy the ticket in November, deduct her share from December's child support. LIkewise for summer, buy ticket one month, and deduct her share from the month SS is with you.

If he is going to spend ALL summer with you, make sure that you do not have to pay her child support during the summer, or if your state has a residential credit that you have that applied.

As for the parenting plan, just make sure it is clear on the exact times you get SS. Don't let it just say 3-weeks in the summer. Make a provision in case she gives you guys a hard time: "if the parties cannot agree then in even numbered years father's choice takes preference and in odd numbered years mother's choice takes preference." This way she can't always tell you "no" to your proposed residential time. Or better yet, make it the same every year ... "the first three weeks of summer, beginning the Friday following school's dismissal for the year." Something like that.

Anticipate all the possible problems as much as you can ...