BM's Response to SS14 Stealing?
Not punishment. Of course not. Not making SS14 take responsibility for his actions. Heaven forbid! No, instead DH gets this email:
DHName-
It is obvious that SS14 is acting out because he's under so much pressure at your house. He can't handle the responsibilities you place on him. He feels he can't talk to you and is afraid of you. I really believe it would be in his best interest to live with SF and I full time and visit you every other weekend. I also think he should have 2 or 3 sessions with Faux's therapist to work out his issues.
SheBeast
Really, BM? REALLY? This cretin has no interest in SS14 she only wants to use him to hurt DH and as a FT babysitter for Faux. She wants him in her school district so she doesn't have to drive him to ours two weeks out of every month. She needs to have both of her kids with her to PROVE to everyone that she's a wonderful mother and DH is a terrible parent. She knows she sucks as a parent. And now that she knows DH's parents are on her side, she feels she can do what she wants. Thanks a lot, ILS. We reaaaalllly needed one more problem on our plate!
And sending SS14 to Faux's therapist? Um, no. The guy's a newbie with zero PD experience. She's got him twisted. Besides, who is she to determine how many sessions SS would need? That's classic Borderline manipulation of a therapist. I worked as a therapist with PDs every day. I know it when I see it. This guy is blind.
DH is not agreeing to a custody change. If she wants to spend money she doesn't have and get off her fat ass and get a lawyer, let her. Most likely she won't. But DH isn't losing another child to PAS if he can help it.
LET THE EFFING GAMES BEGIN!!!
Eff my life.
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Read my last couple of blogs.
Read my last couple of blogs. We' re not speaking to them at the moment.
She doesn't think either of her kids should be held responsible for anything. She's one of those "they're just kids" people. "They've been through so much having such a terrible father." She's a Disney mom who has to buy her kids' loyalty. Unfortunately, it's working.
BM, I am sorry you feel
BM, I am sorry you feel stealing is a result of bad parenting and pressure exerted by expectations to behave like a law abiding citizen. I would venture to suggest that the only reason he did this is to get your attention and make sure you reward him accordingly. I refuse to allow a biological child of mine to suffer a life of a lowered benchmark for acceptable behaviour.
But as your track record to date has been to lie namely about your sons paternity let us start by getting SS14 DNA tested to see if he is actually my son. Seeing you have already set a precedent for cheating and lying let us start by determining whether SS14 is actually my child. I believe he is. But then your past behaviour has proven otherwise. You may feel that by whitewashing the situation will make it all OK. I believe differently. It will speak to your character in court when you arrange for the change in custody. I look forward to receiving your documentation. And no, OUR son is not to attend any therapist without my approval and attendance. And while on the subject, how much longer do you intend delaying the formal adoption procedure when your husband can accept full responsibility for his own flesh and blood? Or is he not so keen now? I will look forward to asking in court for all expenses paid out over your son's lifetime when you knew full well I was not the biological father.
Anyway, I will see SS14 on ***day for my parenting time.
Have a delightful weekend,
DH
OK, it just felt good typing it all.
Soooootempting to send just
Soooootempting to send just that and call her out on everything!
This is the reply she actually got-
SheBeast-
I do not agree to a custody change for SS14. I will be picking him up for the usual parenting time. If you feel he needs a therapist, we will do the research and choose one we both agree on.
DHName
We have a feeling we're going
We have a feeling we're going to lose him, unfortunately.she has those kids so warped they're afraid to go against anything she says. DH is so afraid to lose the only child he has left. It would be disaster for SS14. But we don't know what to do. I mean, he's almost 15. If she fights for custody and gets him to tell a judge he wants to be with her FT, that's what'll happen. It'll suck for DH and SS. Since being with BM full time, Faux's grades have gone from bad to terrible. He's developed behavior problems at school. SS14 is already failing three classes and stealing. They'll both end up in juvie.
All I know is we don't have the energy or money to fight her if she actually gets off her ass and sues for custody. We already have one court case in progress, and that's going to cost us thousands. At 15, if he really wants to go, I guess we let him.
He's with us 50/50 right now,
He's with us 50/50 right now, and no, we're not agreeing to a custody change. We don't have the resources to fight her if she takes it to court though.
He was "afraid to ask us for
He was "afraid to ask us for snack money." That's what he told BM while sobbing, anyway. It's bull. He can have snack money whenever he asks for it. We've never denied him that. He plays DH and BM against each other expertly because they can't communicate (despite DH trying to for the kids' sake). He told her what she wanted to hear.
My opinion? He wanted the brownies, they were there, so he took them. The kid has no concept of forethought whatsoever. No sense of consequences. I think he has no moral compass.
I could not agree with you
I could not agree with you more! She's already destroyed one child, so now she's working on the other. She doesn't even want him. She's just using him to hurt DH and as a free babysitter.
I really don't understand how
I really don't understand how women can do this to their children. So very selfish and self serving. Then she will act like the poor victim BM when her baby is in juvie or jail. "Oh Lord, where did I go wrong? I did the best that I could, why is this happening to me!"
Poor kid.
No, she'll be like, "oh, my
No, she'll be like, "oh, my poor babies! This is all because of their father! He abused and abandoned the poor widdle boys. He made them....made them...oh, he made them do homework! And CHORES! And expected them to have manners! Oh, God! I'm such a poor, ever-suffering mother who had to do it all alone! Pity me, please! Pay attention to MEEEEE!!!"
Oh yes, what was I thinking,
Oh yes, what was I thinking, of course she will blame it on your DH. But she still gets to be the victim BM.
What gets me is, people fall for this crap that these women dish out.
I know. I was evil incarnate
I know. I was evil incarnate for having rules. If SS15 wasn't excelling, I would question it myself. He is great and happy and good grades. BM and no rules has ruined my SD in 4 years.
Unfortunately if the kid says
Unfortunately if the kid says he wants to go not much you can do... judges let them go no matter what the household is like. BM has to be a felon to not get custody when they are over 14. We stopped fighting for SD and she is ruined.... sad as it is but BM wanted her. She has her now and she is not welcome in my home.... failing three classes this week and bragging about pot and a new tattoo and Miley Cyrus concert. She is not even 18 for three weeks and I am celebrating her birthday with a cocktail. No more worrying about BM court costs and liability when that kid kills someone...
"they're just kids" When they
"they're just kids"
When they are "just kids" is when they should start learning responsibility and the fact that there are consequences to their actions.
Everyone knows that the younger you start, the easier it is to learn.
I'm afraid this is where they
I'm afraid this is where they both will end up. Faux definitely already has a few sociopathic traits and was hospitalized at 8 for suicidal intent. SS14 can't lie or steal his way out of a paper bag, obviously, and he'll end up in serious trouble. He thinks bad things can't happen to him. He sees BM lie and steal and cheat everyone in her life and get away with it, so that must be the way to go! Why work hard to be a good person when you can skate by dishonestly?
If I were the mother of kids like this, I'd be mortified and seriously ashamed of myself.
SS14 (oops, 15 now) has told
SS14 (oops, 15 now) has told us that he can't stand being around his mom because of how volatile and overly emotional she is. He's told us that he wants to continue splitting his time 50/50. But, when pressed by her, he says the complete opposite. He tells her he's afraid of his dad (which is laughable- DH is a teddy bear) and says he doesn't want to be here.
He totally plays both parents, tells each one what they want to hear. But it's not going to benefit him if he goes to BM FT when he truly doesn't want to. He doesn't get that. We've tried to get him to speak up and advocate for himself and what he wants and needs, but he completely caves when face to face with SheBeast. I can't blame him to some degree, but he's 15. Time for his balls to drop already.
My BS testified in open court against his father at age 12. I wish SS could at least open his mouth and speak in front of his mother, but he won't.