Not really a step issue, but feedback is appreciated
OK - Maybe it is a boundaries issue, I am not really sure. But - I just got a call from my SD's girl friend, who spends a lot of time at our house. In fact - she does more chores than my SD. I've been around and around with both SD and DH on constant issues around this. I like this young lady. She seems to be facing the right way with her feet on the ground. HOWEVER, she is NOT a part of the family, she is NOT allowed to sleep over (no sleep overs allowed for SD under any circumstances). I don't like asking her to do chores, although both my DH and SD seem to think this is perfectly fine. SO - what has happened? MY DH has asked her to run out to the store to get a baking ingredient he needs to make something for a family gathering tomorrow - to which she is not invited. She just called me to get more information because she can't find the thing he requested. Am I just weird? I feel a little like I was punched in the stomach! What is MY HUSBAND doing asking a 20 year old, friend of his daughter's to run out to the grocery store for him???
Further - my SD is asking this young lady to pick up her daughter today, I think. WHAT IS GOING ON? If SD doesn't want support from us - fine. She can effing leave.
Am I crazy - she just called back to ask how many. He didn't give her any money -she is definitely picking up SD's daughter. I've already stated she doesn't get a key to the house. I am PISSED!! WHY? Is this nuts? Or am I being too damn picky? I think I am going to go out to a movie tonight and leave them to their own devices. Screw them all.
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i have to ask
does she not have any family of her own, she might feel a part of the family (although I dont know) and will do anything to be "family" personally I think your DH and SD are users and it is awful to treat someone like that.
I would not like it either only cuz it is rude.
poor girl.
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
She has a family
And she lives with them - they are a little on the odd side - but I don't think I've met a family that isn't. She doesn't like her Mom, and her Dad is into some odd stuff - but she only found out about that in the last year. The rules I have for her are that she can't sleep over, she is underage and can't drink at our house, and if she cleans someone should pay her - like whatever rude a**hole asked her to clean. She is constantly referring to herself as "the daughter we never had" and my DH keeps saying we are feeding a "poor starving college student".
UM NO!!! SHe has a family, they feed her, she has a place to live. My two tenants are just trying to feed some poor me thing that many young ladies have at this age - NONONONONONONONONONONONONO - I CANNOT AFFORD TO SUPPORT ANOTHER PERSON!! And - for some reason, my DH asking her to "do" for us just pisses me off at him no end. he just called, and for the first time ever, I didn't pick up. I just don't want to talk.
awwww
yeah I can see that.
like you need an adopted "SD" right!
take a deep breath.
maybe he thinks this is her way of paying back for supporting her...
so to speak.
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
How old is your SD.. how
How old is your SD.. how old is her daughter (that would be your SGD right?)
It sounds like an odd relationship to me.. and I would be questioning WHY this girl is around so much..
I can see why you are upset.. because your dh asking this non relative that hangs out at your house to do stuff for him SEEMS like an intimate thing. Whether or not there are any intentions there, it doesnt feel clean! not sure how else to put that..
ESPECIALLY since his own daughter wont go do these things.
My two tenants
Well - My SD is 20 - she moved back in with us almost a year ago. After HS, she moved in with her BM, the martian, who had already moved SD's bf in. So the three of them lived in harmony and stink for two years. Then, SD got pregnant! WOW - Imagine that! You can't afford food, rent, car payments, or anything else. What did you THINK would happen next? So - the martian kicked her out. (But still lets BF live there). SD moved up with us almost exactly a year ago, and SGD arrived a few months later - now she is almost 6 mos old. Rules for SD to live with us include that she is employed, goes to school (college) and takes care of her baby. She is not allowed to have any sleep overs. (no friends sleeping over - she is not 12, I am NOT having her troop boys in and out of the house, and I will NOT get into a discussion about who should and should not be allowed to sleep over and why).
She and DH keep pushing on everything for this girl friend - and I don't get it. BUT right now, I am thinking of some of the "disengage" recommendations I have seen, I just can't figure out how. But somehting like - if gf is doing it then I don't have to - at all... I am just so sick of it. A long week, and they are constantly pushing.
Sorry - here is a rant from the past... - the rule, "no cat food in the bedroom." So - I get home from a business trip, and the opened bag of cat food is sitting in the bedroom in front of the door. I ask DH - why is the catfood in the bedroom? He tells me - well you said, "no FEEDING the cat in the bedroom, not that catfood didn't belong in the bedroom." WHAT? I said try again, the rule is no catfood in the bedroom - get it out now. he said, ok - yeah, I remember, it is my fault, you said that, but there weren't any containers in the kitchen. WHAT? Am I on Pluto? Why are we having this conversation? Why is this an issue? So in your brilliant world you figure it is better to store unsecured food products in the bedroom? Are you insane or do you think I am stupid - please stop pissing on my back and telling me it is rain. Get it straightened out now!
phew. sorry, I feel like they are nickel and diming me to death. - But you didn't tell us that EXACTLY. urghh.
Interesting thought Steve
My SD is self-declared Bi. The way these two hang out - yeah, that could be it.
I suppose my DH would think it is ok for a GF to sleep over then, because - you know there would be no babies. (Umm - more to it than that eh?)
I am pretty sure my SD experimented in HS. But, then again the GF has a BF. I don't know - I don't care. It wouldn't surprise me if they think they are sharing a little secret.
Saturday eve, SD, DH, and I had to go to in-laws for a family gathering. SD left with grand daughter to go visit early. DH and I were finishing up puttering around the house, and there is this young lady lounging on the couch watching TV. (WHAT???) She said she would feed the dog before she left so we wouldn't worry about it. (WHAT???) I told her she would be leaving with us.
I asked DH - who told her she would be staying in our house when we weren't there? Uh - he didn't know... I had already checked to see if she had a key. I think she does, but so far everyone has denied it.
I am grumpy today...