Since I'm trying to disengage I can't say this to DH so I'm saying it here...
So I've decided to try to disengage. As much as I can anyway. so here goes
DH complains constantly that SS is getting fat. So I started using measuring cups instead of serving spoons and I labeled them for how many each person needs. I figure that would help him figure out correct portion size. That's great if DH doesn't let him go back for seconds or thirds. I tried saying something in the past but DH just countered with "Teenagers need more calories" I emailed Heidi Powell and she replied back with "that is true if they are ACTIVE" SS is not. DH saw it and said nothing. So whatever. Took SS to get his physical he is 11 years old. 5'8" and weighs 205. The Dr said he is obese you need to...." I said "sorry I'm not his mom and I have no control over it"
Oh also...I told DH a million times SS has a summer reading project because he is going to advanced English. BM picked SS up on the last day of school so all that paperwork would have gone home with her. She denies it of course. So SS didn't do it. I don't care. Okay I do but I'm not going to say anything.
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yea I think that's why SS was
yea I think that's why SS was bucking to go to his mom's early today because there is no junk food in the house...that he knows of. I do keep milano cookies but they are MINE and hidden. If he wants a snack he has to eat fruit. I actually haven't even been keeping bread in the house. I left him a lunch of baked chicken breast cilantro lime brown rice and green beans. There is a ton of fruit in the house and granola. so he's fine.
Yum, can you make my lunch
Yum, can you make my lunch for me too?
Agree with others. I was like
Agree with others. I was like that in a previous relationship. I tried an tried to fix the kids, wore myself out. Neither the kids nor the ex wanted my help because that required effort. Next time I would make DH take SS to his physical. He needs to hear it from the doctor directly. 205 is to me concerning, but be prepared for SS to get even bigger and stay that way for a long time.
Just know that you tried your best. And you can't fix him. Congratulations on your disengagement!
I hear ya, I have given up on
I hear ya, I have given up on pretty much everyhting SD15 now because DH is just going to do what he wants anyway so what is the point of wasting my breath. The only thing I bitch about is money spending and I'll probably give up on that one eventually too. DH wants to allow SD15 to drink in our home? Whatever. DH doesn't make SD15 who failed 4 freshman classes attend summer school? Whatever. DH wants to believe every stupid lie out of SD15 mouth? Whatever. DH wants to believe that SD has "no interest in boys or drinking" Whatever.
Not my kid, not my problem. It scares me though, how far the other way I have gone. Like if I simply don't care about anything any more, is my marriage going to survive?
Yeah, I feel the same way, is
Yeah, I feel the same way, is my marriage going to survive my disengagement?
I, like you, gave up. I now watch and say nothing, which isn't an easy thing to do, especially when I have 2 bios in this household which I do parent. Over the last 2 years, you can see a huge difference in the 2 sets of kids upbringing.
School is about 3 weeks in here, I see FB posts from SD13 from a game she plays, clearly she is playing games on her phone at school - i have said nothing. Just another example. Why say anything? DH isn't going to do anything about it anyway, both parents have the ability to see the same thing I am, if they choose to ignore it, then why would I open my mouth.
But, as the gaps grow, I often wonder since I care less and less about 50% of DHs life, will my marriage survive?
Why did you take the kid to
Why did you take the kid to the physical? DH should have taken to hear from the doctor first hand about the state of his child's health. If he tunes you out or ignores you, relaying information won't help; especially if you're shutting the doctor down before he can tell you what's up.
I can't imagine how hard it's got to be to just "not care". I commend you for putting your own sanity first, but I can absolutely see how it's got to be frustrating. Hang in there!
Ha. DH took SD to the doctor
Ha. DH took SD to the doctor when she was young and I was telling him she was overweight. She weighed 105 pounds at 8/9 years old. My BD who is 10 just broke 70 pounds. On the CDC growth charts, SD was in the 98th percentile. DH said the doctor was fine with SD's weight and didn't think it was a problem. :jawdrop:
Oh I took him because my
Oh I took him because my doctor is in the same office. (DH started taking him to our doctor's office when SS's doctor retired) They had an appt available that day and I was already going. I wouldn't have taken him if I wasn't already going there. No need for DH to miss work from a new job when I had already scheduled the time off. BM is worthless and wouldn't have kept up with the forms. SS isn't a bad kid.
I have been very clear there
I have been very clear there will be no worthless adults living in my house. So if DH wants to coddle his adult child (when he gets there) I'll be moving.
I told my SO the same thing.
I told my SO the same thing. Two years to go.