How can I ever love someone elses kids the same way I love mine?
So last night BF and I are talking (Im pregnant) and he was saying something about how many more kids we want because they are expensive. Which always irritates me because he thinks 3 is enough ( baby +2SDs) and I want at least 2 more. SO he wants all kids to have own room someday which means with 4 kids we need a 5 bedroom house. SO now I'm irritated b/c I just was and I said that the baby and the next one could share a room. Then he got mad at me b/c he said i can't seperate the kids. So now I was really mad and I said I won't split the kids. Then I told him that I'm afraid he will b/c he'll feel guilty that he is still with me and not with the skids mom. He denied it but I'm afraid its true.
Plus I also just wanted to ask...and please bare with me b/c im not sure how to say this...but isn't there some seperation. I mean never in the way you treat the kids obviously but come on...I am having my first baby...not my third and he is on his third. No matter what I am not the skids mom but I will be this babies mom....doesn't that make it different. This baby will live with us 24/7....not 1/2 the week...It just is different...I am so sick of him jumping down my throat anytime I think about something for the baby. ANytime I do that he is like, what about the girls. I'm starting to not give a sh*t. I told him the girls are his and BM's reposibility and the baby is his and mines....BOTTOM LINE. How can I ever love someone elses kids the same way I love mine?
Sorry I know this post is horrible grammar...I was just typing too fast and now I'm spent...phew.
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i thought you wrote beautifully
i think that this issue is his, not yours. i mean, he probably does feel guilty and like most men do, he is taking it out on you. stand your ground because everything you have said makes complete sense. we don't have our own yet but just today i told dh something and said 'your kid' and he was like what? i said 'your kid, as in not mine.' lol. and god's honest truth, i do love love love my sd, but the bottom line is she is not mine. i can't influence her, love her, challenge her, punish her, etc., like i could my own. you make complete sense and you need to sit your man down and tell him that regardless if he likes it or not, it's the way it is. and he should be lucky to have a woman who cares enough about the issue to post it here!
so there.
haha.
always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.
I don't think you can love
I don't think you can love someone elses kids quite the same way that you love yours. But you can love other kids. Love is still love after all even if it isn't the same and any love is a positive thing. You can tell your DH you will love his kids but not to expect that you will love them in the same way you love your bios.
It also takes time to form deep bonds with stepkids, IMO. You may be surprised about how you feel about your SD's in 5 or 10 years. When you live through hard times and good times with people, you tend to forge bonds that are not easily broken. The same will happen with you and your SD's if you stay open to that. DH pressuring you to feel the same way about them as the baby is not only unfair but unrealistic. He needs to give you time and space and support. The rest will follow.
My therapist told DH
that I will have a different bond with our child than with the bigger boys because I have not known the from birth & established our bond then. It does not mean you do not love the step children, but that it is okay to feel differntly than with your own child.
We have a 3 bedroom house & the baby has his own room upstairs next to ours. This was ss7 's room before. He moved in w/ 10 y/o when baby was born. He was fine with as he wanted a baby almost as much as we did. ( tired of being the little brother
DH did have a moment of stupidity when he suggested we put the babies crib in my office which is an alcove at the top of the stairs so ss could have his own room. He did quickly realize that 4 nights verses every night did not make this possible. Besides this was my one & only baby & half the fun is doing the nursery.
I understand how you feel as it is different when it is your first & their 3rd.This is also my only one so I try to cherish every experiance & every moment as it will never happen again.
Also I shared a room with my sister almost my entire life & I survived. The people who lived in our house before had 5 kids & so did they. No kid is gonna feel any less loved because they share a bedroom. That is just divorced dad guilt talking.
How far along are you & when are you due?
I totally agree with you
I posted earlier b/c my BF wanted oldest SD (7) to have own room and he wnated 2 y/o SD to share with baby, even if baby was boy b/c he thought oldest needed her own room. PHHLLPPS...I always had my own room but I was alos the only girl. I had two brothers and they shared until I moved out of my parents home. They are fine and I think SD's will be fine. Plus like you said I want to do the Nursery more then anything!
LOL I am 12 weeks along...and I'm due May 13!
Congrats
We had more fun doing the baby's nursery. In fact DH came up with the theme & ordered every thing for the decore part on line. He did most of the painting ( I usually do our painting due to skill) However I was huge as it was about 1 month before he was born when we did it.
I would think that as it becomes more real to him as you grow that he will get more into it. My DH sees this child as his second chance.This is his opportunity to learn from past mistakes & raise our son the way we want not how BM wants to.
It's just not the same..
making it just different. That is definitely not a bad thing. We don't go around saying that we love our bio-kids more - just differently. And I don't have the expectation of my husband to love my kids the same as he loves his girls. That would be an expectation that he could just never meet. I love what wildlife said - they are still loved and that's a postive thing. You love them the best you can and no one should ask for more than that.
The room situation. My vote is for the baby to get his/her own bedroom as well. We had the same argument in our home. My boys are there more so they get their own rooms...didn't make sense when the girls are only there 2 days a week.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."