To continue further w/ my original posting (because I was interupted lol), I met my husband in2004. He told me all about his previous marriage, why it ended (bc his wife slept with half of Ft.Bragg and she was in love w/ another man for the entire marriage) and that his daughter was just wonderful. At that time, she was 5. I did not have any children of my own (still don't bc my husband is sterile- which makes this even more humorous) and I thought I could give it a shot-the whole dating a man w baggage thing that mother told me never to do.
I didn't meet the child until we were 6 months into our relationship bc BM has full custody and at that time lived in NY. I had already made a very deep connection w him by that point. When she came to visit after his deployment, I could tell that she really liked me but couldn't understand the relationship bc her mothers family had been telling her for years that her parents were still married but that they just didn't live together bc of the army (at that point, they had been divorced for almost 2.5yrs, separated for 3. Even though his ex introduced SD to 7 boyfriends and brought men in and out of her life continuously for those years, she made sure to let us know what she thought when I moved from Ohio to N.Carolina to move in w her ex husband. At that point, as far as he knew, the child was his. He didn't give a crap what that whore thought and told her to stick it up her ass. From time to time, she would write nasty emails to my husband complaining about me (I'm such a horrible person for coloring w her child everyday and taking off work each summer to take care of her during my husbands summer visitation). Then in the summer of 2006, I was at the gym when a woman I recognized from photo albums came walking up to my tredmill. She was my husbands brothers ex wife. She used to run around town w/ BM, cheating on their husbands together. BM testified at their divorce against this woman so she had every reason to seek revenge on her. The first thing she said to me was "wow ! Hi, I'm ____. _____(your husband) must have found out that kid wasn't his and he left ____(BM)". What an introduction. We talked for an hour where she told me all the sordid details of BM's cheating ways (places she went, how many men, etc). I told my husband about the conversation later that night and that is when he ordered the dna test. He said he had feelings that she might not be his but I guess at the time was in denial. She looks Nothing like his family (which all have dominant traits w/ no recessive traits) and the child has blond hair, etc. Sure enough, out of the 16 pairs looked at, he only matched 3 which means there is NO WAY she is his. At this point, the child had just turned 7.
He sent her an email asking her if there was anything that she might want to fess up to....and she couldn't figure out what he meant. Finally, she called and when he told her everything that her buddy ratted her out for as well as the dna results she flatly said "....sorry". I think she knew the entire time and just took the direction of her mother to beg him for forgiveness and take her back so she could play the pregnancy off like it was his-Oh, I forgot to mention..He threw her out of the house in August 1998 bc he caught her cheating (left a condom in the bathroom garbage while he was out in the field doing training). He sent her back up to NY to her parents (where she stayed for 8yrs and didn't work the entire time) and was planning to file for a divorce. By mid Sept she was begging him to let her come back and "work things out". Within a the end of september, she said"oh look, we're pregnant honey!" bullshit. she was pregnant before she even returned. Sometimes I feel angry at his stupidity for even thinking the child was his. How the hell could it be? She even lied to her doctor about her last period so the child was supposedly born early...hahahaha Liar. Then, two years later, he came home from work to find her crying after a phone call. He asked her what was wrong and she said"I can't tell you, you'll be mad ". She told him that she just found out that the guy she'd been in love w for 4 yrs (the entire time they were together) is getting married so she was upset. And the guy told her that she would've married her even though she had this mystery child so she was crying bc she regretted that she played my husband for a fool.
And yes, unfortunately the laws are full of shit and one sided. There is only one state that I know of (OHIO) where if you find out that your child isn't yours, no matter the age, you can reliquish your rights and no longer have to buy your ex wife a new car every 3 yrs and pay for her social life while she takes her clothes shopping at yard sales.
I am soooooooooooooooooooooo over this shit. She is now 11yo. I do love my SD but I absolutely hate her mother. I have tried everything to make myself not feel the anger that I feel but it doesn't work. I think it is the injustice of the entire situation. my SD does know the truth, but funny thing is that her mother doesn't know that she knows. We told her the truth bc we didn't want to harbor that kind of secret and have her resent us later for knowing. She says that she wants to see how long her mother will lie to her. It's really a sad situation.
Just last week, I was contacting her mother via text w regard to christmas visitation and since I buy her airline tickets (yeah, that's right! I buy her tickets bc I'm such a horrible bitch) and her mother won't even pay for half the unaccompanied minor fees even though their agreement states she's responsible for half travel costs. We'd never see the child if we actually waited for her to be responsible. It told her that ticket prices have gone up so I need to know what dates she agrees upon now so I could secure the ticket. This has never been an issue and now suddenly she wants to give me grief about how my sd would have to miss a day of school, blah blah, "I don't think it's fair that u guys get her every xmas mornin" ..well, we only get to see her for a week in december and two months in summer. I think thats pretty effing unfair. Instead of a polite "thank you for caring enough about my child to get her a ticket to go see her daddy" I get a bunch of bullshit. Sometimes I just want to call her up and scream at her and let her know what I really think of her.